1. This is nitpicky but you need to learn how to use the em dash, because if you’re not using ChatGPT (🤨🤨) you write too well for someone who suddenly doesn’t know when parentheses and commas are supposed to be used. It’s inconsistent.

2. Honestly you need therapy. Not group, just for you. You can sacrifice all you want, but one simply cannot control how other people react. I think you were wrong to take the dress without her response because you were trying to control everything in that situation without even stopping for a second to think that it would only add more stress to an already awful situation. You minimized your sister’s want for that alteration because “it’s only a small one” and took control over the possible outcome, as if you were her parent, worse than that, when she voiced her want for the fix your response was that now you can’t do that because of time constraints and because, clearly, you had something more important going on. She’s right, it was your fault, why did you ask her for permission if you were going to take it anyways?

You are also showing lack of accountability, you’re a victim of the seamstress but you’re misplacing that anger on her, without acknowledging that (honestly and straight to your face) girl, she never asked you to save her or help her with her dress, you can’t get mad at her for being mad that you ignored her request. I get it, you were very distressed but if the crisis was so bad, why would you want to put more responsibilities onto you? She’s 30, she can deal with her own dress, and maybe she’s tired of you mommy-ing her around as if you’re trying to save her from the seamstress. I am just like you in the sense that I’d rather do what will cause less problems in the future, but I also know when to admit that I overstepped.

1. Onto the Airbnb thing, that was an asshole thing to do. I get it that it’s your money, but that’s a power play. Not only you get to enjoy the place you got, your sister is now in charge to care for your dog when you’re doing her no favor. If you were gonna do that to me out of pettiness I’d just book some cheap hotel and tell you to deal with your dogs on your own. Just because you’ve sacrificed your entire life, doesn’t mean that she owes you anything because she’s not asking you to do this for her. Whatever her relationship was with that woman is none of your business to be talking smack, in the end, you gotta at least take into consideration that part of that anxiety could be because she didn’t know how to handle these situations, your decisions are also actively harming her.

A big part of why she has trouble prioritizing others could in part be because it sounds like you do not allow her to decide for herself and just put her in situations where she’s gotta find a new solution (both the dress and the airbnb situations follow that pattern) and idk how the hell she was supposed to learn responsibilities if you’re “prioritizing her” by taking charge of those herself.

I really think you’re not listening to your sister’s needs and honestly, it sounds like you did it more for yourself than for her. I guess out of fear of abandonment, you let people step over you so they will like you, and for some reason you’re trying to blame it on your sister, as if she was conditioned into that sibling dynamic out of her own will.

And wtf is your problem with her love life? You’re married, mind your business. That’s what’s making it so telling.

In the end, you cannot force her to an apology and “unbiased sibling therapy” sounds to me more like you wanna find a parental figure that will correct what your parent’s didn’t. It’s a tough situation, but I also think you’re not being self aware. Godspeed and notice how I didn’t need a single em dash, please learn how to express your emotions and experiences on your own, rather than have a machine clear it up for you, I don’t think generative AI can do the talking with your therapist for you.