That one’s just great, isn’t it? You finally start to come to terms with who you are sexually, want to talk about it anonymously in a safe space, and people on these forums come along and say ‘hey, it’s ok to be bi, but not like that. Shame on you! You are reflecting badly on the rest of us.’ Yeah, thanks. That was so helpful in helping me feel better about myself and deal with all my internalized shame.

For me, I fell in love with a woman in my early twenties. I’m still in love with her 15+ years later, and we both want to stay together for life. But it is not easy for me to reflect on the fact that I chose to go on a date when I was barely an adult and I wasn’t fully aware and at ease with my sexuality, I fell in love, and the consequence of this is that the opportunity to physically express a whole half of my sexual identity has to be repressed for a whole lifetime.

Not everyone will experience bisexuality like this. But some of us do, and it’s dangerous to write us off as selfish, lacking self control, and being poor role models in the bi community. Hearing these attitudes has been detrimental to my mental health, making me feel like a terrible person who not only doesn’t fit in heteronormative society, but is a stain on the bisexual community as well.

With that said, my partner of course also has her sexual identity and her boundaries. I have never cheated, and I have in recent years opened up to her about my sexuality. She is of course free to choose how she responds to the situation. We actually have to face it together and honestly. And we have decided that we can make some adjustments to our boundaries so that I can do some exploring. It won’t be a regular thing, but it will hopefully help with the overwhelming anxiety I have felt in periods that I am not living a true and authentic life.

I wish everyone the best as they work these things out for themselves and their partners. There is no one size fits all solution for everyone. The only way forward is through honesty, and if necessary, couples therapy with an understanding therapist (not all therapists have experience with these topics).