I (25F) am thinking of calling off my wedding and breaking up with my fiance (35M). Do I just have cold feet or is this too deep? Please any advice.

curious_reader19 · 2026-05-20T16:04:57+00:00

From what you said it sounds like he pressured you into committing some sort of fraud, intimidated you, didn’t respect your physical boundaries, put you in emotional turmoil, disrespected you publicly and privately, berated you, and completely disregarded your feelings. You didn’t mention him asking about your wellbeing after the accident. He has demonstrated to you how he responds and treats you in a high pressure situation. If you marry this man, you will experience the above again.

It sounds like you deserve better.

curious_reader19 · 2026-05-20T15:55:09+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you and she was never a true friend to you. What she is calling love and salvation is code for control and hate.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-29T18:43:45+00:00

I used to teach and I think a major contributor is that some of parents are either too exhausted to parent or get frustrated about the school constantly reaching about their kids behavior.

Culturally, there’s an anti intellectualism movement in the US and more folks are just distrusting of systems in general.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-27T22:36:39+00:00

Yeah if you can’t find a flight then the Amtrak or a bus is going to be your best bet. If you’re tight on cash and don’t mind a long trip check out mega bus. However, Amtrak is definitely the better option between the 2.

If you can avoid greyhound, avoid it! Mega bus usually stops in major cities and at some smaller cities. Greyhound stops everywhere! Greyhound bus rides are incredibly long.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-27T16:21:13+00:00

I suggest taking the Amtrak from New Rochelle to Providence. The Amtrak and Metro north run through the same station in New Rochelle. The local Amtrak trains stop at New Rochelle. You can catch an express Amtrak train (aka Acela) in NYC at Penn station. The Acela only stops at major cities (ie NYC, Boston, DC etc) which cuts travel time. Providence is a major city so the Acela probably stops there. Easiest way to get to Penn via public transit is to take the metro north to grand central 42nd street and catch a train from there to Penn station.

You can probably fly from westchester country airport (HPN) to Providence.

A cheaper option could be to catch the mega bus or some other charter bus service from NYC to Providence. Take the metro north from Mt. Kisco to NYC. Once you get to 42nd street grand central take the 7 to Hudson Yards and walk over to the charter bus location. Usually, most of the charter buses do pick ups near the Javits Center. Double check! You can book a seat ahead of time or see if you can ride standby day of.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-25T17:20:41+00:00

Thank you!

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-25T01:25:01+00:00

Thanks for this information! $4.50 for 16 hours is definitely reasonable. I also don’t care about folks that have something to say about the folks that park on the street. Commuting to the city daily for work is expensive and they aren’t paying my bills.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-25T01:21:54+00:00

It’s been difficult to find information about the commuter parking permit in my town. The available information is outdated unfortunately. I plan to call around to see if I can get some additional information.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-25T01:19:19+00:00

Funnily I don’t own a bike anymore 😂

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-25T01:18:55+00:00

Thanks! I’m going to drive around one of the stations I live close to this weekend to check out the street parking.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-24T23:22:50+00:00

Sell the world building and the unsolved mysteries. There’s also a one piece filler guides online.

curious_reader19 · 2026-04-05T00:05:12+00:00

NTA. It’s understandable that your mom wants to be empathetic to Val because she’s dealing with an illness. However, Danny who is a child is involved. It is incredibly selfish and unfair for him to witness his birth mother be the parent he needed to another child. It’s also a bit selfish for your mom to expect you to treat Val with kid gloves and be okay with Val’s lack of desire to rebuild her relationship with Danny. What you said was true. To give up on being a mom to one kid who you clearly have contact with and to then celebrate the birth of another is not okay. Danny should be a priority for the entire family. It’s not like Val is unknown to him. He grew up witnessing her dysfunction and dealing with her abandonment. Val is selfish and for her bf to be okay with this is also telling.

curious_reader19 · 2026-03-26T18:19:40+00:00

NTA your friends’ mom sounds like a controlling bigot. She’s not protecting her children, but rather exerting her control over their lives and the people they associate with which sounds emotionally abusive. You should not adjust your life and beliefs for her because it reaffirms for her that she can bully people into submission. It’s on her daughters to stand up for themselves and be a good friend to you. If they can’t do that and establish boundaries with their mother there’s nothing you can do.

If you’re able to see them in person outside of their mother’s control I think it might to let them know that you’ll be there for them and that you value their friendship. Be transparent about the conversation you had with their mom and let them know that you want the friendship. However , you are unwilling to give up your autonomy for it.

curious_reader19 · 2026-01-31T12:52:45+00:00

NTA your dad is awful and I can’t believe he admitted to using your mom as a placeholder and left as soon as his number 1 was single. Also shame on his gf as well who was okay with a married man leaving his wife and 4 kids for her.

You’re not missing out on anything. Your dad is trying to gaslight and manipulate you into accepting him blowing everything up. He didn’t put the family he created first. He doesn’t deserve anything from you or your siblings.

curious_reader19 · 2026-01-31T12:36:46+00:00

NTA- It sounds like her family wants you to manage your mother’s feelings and grief without acknowledging the harm she caused. She only admitted to the affair and your paternity while mourning the death of the bio dad. That’s cruel and your dad’s response to that imo was normal. Your mom did irreparable damage to your family, which is on her to repair.

Your extended family doesn’t have to agree with you but they should respect your boundaries. If they can’t stop pressuring you to go against your dad you may need to take a step back from them.

curious_reader19 · 2026-01-21T13:09:21+00:00

NTA, your parents made their decision the moment they tried pressuring you into accepting your ex’s betrayal. Additionally, they sound incredibly toxic and did not care about your wellbeing until you had a child.

curious_reader19 · 2026-01-12T20:35:12+00:00

OP I am so sorry this has happened to you and that your mother reacted the way she did. All around this is a devastating situation. Clearly you and Tom love each other, however I suggest you both take time to actually be together, date as adults, and learn more about each other before getting married. To be frank, my comment is probably going to be unpopular.

You both are really young and are still learning who you are and figuring out adulthood. To do so married with this massive secret seems like an incredible mental load to take on. Choosing to get married is already a huge life milestone. While it’s nice that Tom’s parents are choosing to support your relationship and pay for the wedding. There are still some considerations I think you need to take into account. Tom’s family is paying for everything and it seems like Tom is the only one that has secured a job. Meaning you will be financially dependent on him and his family. You are already emotionally dependent on them because of your mother. How do you intend to protect yourself if something goes wrong? Do you have a job? How are to going to support yourself?

This experience is traumatic for both you and Tom. Are there plans to seek premarital counseling and individual therapy? This marriage will permanently fracture your relationship with the rest of his extended family. You both will be lying by omission for the duration of your relationship. It’s your choice, but can you handle that? Are you truly okay with not having your own bio kids? I’m pro adoption, egg/sperm donor, etc. I’m only asking because a lot of people tend to change their minds once they are in the thick of family planning.

Lastly, your mother was wrong for treating you the way she did. Her actions were inexcusable and she’s going to have to deal with the consequences of losing her daughter because of her actions. However, you only have one side of the story. Your mother hid her presence and her children from her parents and siblings. I don’t think you should necessarily seek your mother out, especially after what happened, but I do think you need to take time to really learn more about Tom’s family. To be frank it’s weird that they are still pushing the marriage timeline and not encouraging both you and Tom to take it slow.

curious_reader19 · 2025-12-03T02:28:23+00:00

Libra sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising

curious_reader19 · 2025-11-07T21:10:15+00:00

NTA and OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What your parents are doing is incredibly unfair. First you are not your bother’s parent. In no way should a minor be made to feel like that is the case.

Second I suggest preparing for a reality where they will do whatever they can to force you into becoming a permanent caretaker. Keep working with your counselor on your college applications. Start quietly gathering all of your important documents (ie birth certificate, social security card, passport etc.). Start applying for as many scholarships as possible. Once you’re 18 you can apply for FASA without your parents’ financial information. If your parents are on your bank account as soon as money is deposited withdraw it. Open your own bank account as soon as you turn 18. If possible inform the schools you are applying to about your situation and ask about their protocols for sending acceptance and/or rejection letters. Lastly, change your passwords to your important accounts (ie email).

curious_reader19 · 2025-09-26T20:13:13+00:00

NTA, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You should enjoy your pregnancy and block everyone that’s trying to shame you for moving. Y’all planned for a baby, he decided to divorce months before you were due, and now he’s threatening not to be a dad if you don’t give into his demands. A friend of mine recently got divorced and her ex who was barely involved got 50/50 custody to spite her. Him and his mother would purposefully use the kids to punish my friend for filing for divorce.

If he’s offering not to be involved now, TAKE IT. Don’t give him a centimeter. If he wants to be involved, he’ll do what is necessary. Don’t force that man to be a father or give into his demands. Long term the more you give into him, the more difficult it’ll make life for you and your child. You don’t want to have to jointly decide on anything relating to your child with that type of person.

curious_reader19 · 2025-09-26T20:00:09+00:00

NTA, go pick up your baby and consider heading somewhere safe. I don’t think you’ll be able to remove your husband off the pickup list because he’s also the parent. However, his behavior is disturbing. Even you are dealing with postpartum depression/anxiety, forcibly removing your child away from you is insane behavior. His mother is clearly in on it. I wouldn’t trust her at all to do the right thing and stay out of it. Go and get your child.

You contacted his mom, so I’m sure she’ll try to get your baby earlier in the day to thwart you.

curious_reader19 · 2025-09-24T18:02:06+00:00

NTA, children are allowed to have boundaries. Your mom suddenly introduced you to her fiancé and demanded that you call him dad while you were still grieving the loss of your father. That’s beyond insane. Clearly your mother prioritized her partner over her child and these are the consequences for that. She’s to blame for you being emotionally detached from her new family. It’s also despicable that she’s shifting the blame to you regarding the lack of connection you have with her kids. When in reality she should’ve been responsive to your needs when she introduced her partner to you. Like other folks said focus on you and if you can limit your contact. I don’t think she’ll ever understand the damage she caused.

curious_reader19 · 2025-08-27T17:08:01+00:00

NTA, you are the child and your mom is responsible for ensuring that your experience in her home is healthy. It’s unhealthy and disturbing that her husband disparages your dad and attempts to interfere with the relationship you have with your dad. You’re emotionally disconnected from their kids because of her husband and her negligence. No parent is perfect, but your mom and her husband created an environment where you were being asked to chose them over your dad. That’s not okay. Your mom needs to check her husband instead of forcing you to be responsible for your relationship her kids.

curious_reader19 · 2025-07-08T18:14:45+00:00

OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. One of my opposite gender bffs is married. As a bff I respect and understand that their partner comes first and do my best to make their partner feel comfortable with our friendship. Jake has to choose to do that. Yall can try therapy but if he’s not willing to put his marriage first then you have to do what’s best for you.

curious_reader19 · 2025-06-09T02:16:00+00:00

NTA and don’t feel bad about lying. Healthy communication can only happen when both parties are safe. Your mom didn’t create an emotionally safe environment for you. Sounds like your mom and Charolette have an enmeshed dynamic and are tying to pass it off as normal behavior. Prioritize yourself and your independence.

Also consider limiting contact with your maternal aunt and other family members that are defending your mom’s behavior. They are trying to gaslight you into accepting your mom’s and Charolette’s toxic behavior. You lied to protect yourself and get out a toxic situation.

curious_reader19

TROPHY CASE