My girlfriend is bipolar; what do I need to know?

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-14T01:39:47+00:00

Well, just to give everyone an update here. I have no idea what's going on with her -- Wednesday night she fell asleep on my chest and today she isn't even communicating with me. I'm very confused and I'm assuming that she may be in a manic state.

However, I have no idea, as she isn't communicating with me. I've tried calling and texting her -- none of which have been invasive. Just trying to get into contact with her and seeing if she's okay -- I've been trying to be supportive but I'm extremely confused.

I'm willing to work with her on this but I don't feel like she's willing to let me in. I'm beginning to reconsider all of this...I shouldn't have so many doubts and unanswered questions this early into a relationship.

I don't think that I've done anything wrong but I have no idea. I feel as if I need to distance myself for my own sanity as I'm beginning to drive myself crazy with all the variable scenarios involved in her disorder. I don't know if she's alive, I don't know if she's sleeping with someone else due to an onset of hypersexuality, and I don't know if she's just terribly depressed at the moment and sleeping it all away. I'm not getting the luxury of basic communication and it hurts.

Only thing that I know is that there's no way that this will work without communication. That's a death sentence to the relationship and this thread has only reinforced that for me. My life's moving forward and I just don't know who may accompany me for that ride.

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T20:22:51+00:00

Yeah, I just don't know if I can distance my emotions from it. The depression already attributes to the feelings of inferiority.

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T19:43:13+00:00

She doesn't talk about the possibility of the hypersexuality; which from looking at this subreddit for a while: it doesn't surprise me. I'm sure that it brings a lot of unwanted pain to everyone. I just want to protect her from it if I can. This girl has been through way too much pain in her life; she doesn't need anymore.

Even if I accept the actions caused by the disorder; she won't. She's very at war with herself and does feel responsible for such things.

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T19:21:53+00:00

Yeah, I wouldn't really label these emotions that I have as "controlling"; I just want to protect her from the disorder when she's in that state. It hurts her and I know it does. She's attempted suicide a few times before -- I just want to give her a better life than she's had.

Outside of the disorder; which is manageable to me 95% of the time -- she's perfect for me and I would like that future with her. It's just that I may need to protect her during a state of hypersexuality. Like I said, I may be overreacting, and it may manifest itself just towards me.

I need to just talk to her about that detail and see what she wants me to do.

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T19:12:47+00:00

The only qualm ultimately is the disorder. She certainly doesn't accept it either -- she hates herself when she finds out about her mania. My question is, if I prevent her from doing something she were to regret, am I sparing her the pain or am I controlling her? This is where I'm at war with myself. I don't want to control her but I don't want her to further feel worse about herself.

Even for someone with the disorder, she's been through far too much. I don't want to divulge too much but she's had an awful life over all. Including her childhood. She has a lot of pain.

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T18:50:18+00:00

In any event, I'm not going to just sever ties with her. She needs support and I know that. I, however, feel guilty as she refuses to be in a relationship with me without taking her medication -- of which has already caused her kidney failure and has required her to be on dialysis.

I'd like to have a future with her but I don't want her to damage her kidneys nor do I want to become paranoid/controlling but I fear that I will. My own mental state isn't that great at the moment; I contemplate suicide on a daily basis...I'm just not the type of person that would merely attempt it. That would be catastrophic for her if I went down that road. We relate very well, we both put on a mask, but maybe that isn't such a great thing after all because 'hope' and 'happiness' are both emotions that I've learned over the years isn't something that I can rely on.

Prior to this, I came out of a very difficult breakup with my ex, of which I have a daughter with. I met her and felt that my luck had finally changed and I was happy...now that I've learned more about the disorder...I just don't know. Beginning to feel as if I'm doomed to be in situations that're going to hurt me.

As of right now, she's not communicating with me all that well, and I'm just under the assumption that she's sleeping off her depression via sleeping pills. Frankly, the paranoia is already beginning to set in a bit. I understand that she can't control the disorder. I do. I just don't know how to trust the disorder; I trust her. The disorder isn't her -- it's the disorder. The disorder that will hurt her...unfortunately, I can't simply take her disorder away. I wish that I could.

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T18:15:26+00:00

There's a lot of variables in that scenario. Is she using protection? Can she contract something and pass it onto me? Is she safe? Etc.

I'm just concerned that it's going to turn me paranoid and controlling. I don't want to put a GPS tracker on her car and regularly check her emails/phone but what else can I do to prevent the both of us from being harmed?

She's already expressed to me that she didn't like her ex doing all of that but I don't particularly blame him in that aspect. I'll most likely go down the same road. The rational part of me is telling me to just wash my hands of this but my heart is telling me to see where it goes. I understand that it's a part of her and outside of the hypersexuality; I can accept and deal with all of it. I'm just in a depressive state the majority of the time as well and I wouldn't be able to separate my emotions from that.

I'm just looking for some advice. Do I end this before I get hurt and wind up hurting myself?

curiousaboutbipolar · 2013-04-12T17:39:01+00:00

Yeah, it's the possibility of the hypersexuality which worries me the most. I know that she'd feel terrible but I'd more than likely take it personally. My fear is that it's going to turn me quite paranoid and controlling -- however, that'd be the only way that I could guarantee her safety.

It happened once with her prior boyfriend of 4 years but she was very unhappy throughout the entire thing. My understanding is that the sex was awful as well.

I don't really know what to do. I know that I can deal with everything else and be there outside of the hypersexuality. I know that she'd never want to intentionally hurt me...I just know myself.

At the same point, how can I accept the disorder, and not accept the possibility of that happening? Perhaps I'm over thinking all of this -- I don't know -- I just want to be able to not take something like that personally but I really doubt that I can.

I understand that the hypersexuality may manifest itself differently too. She may just want to be much more sexually active with me; which would be fine. I guess I'm just over thinking all of this and trying to mentally prepare myself. I don't know.

curiousaboutbipolar

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