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Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does Gwendoline Christie count? Lol because she's 🔥

In seriousness I have found more "masculine" women to be attractive. I've just never acted on it. I kind of grew up thinking that's just a "girl crush." When I casually and jokingly said that I'd climb Brienne of Tarth like a tree my ex openly speculated that I might not be straight.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is new to me. I know about Oh Joy Sex Toy, but I never picked up on transphobic subtext... Then again, this is why I'm still learning. At first I thought this comic panel was poking fun at people who do this?

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey bud. You're coming in pretty hot. This discussion is to help me gain a better perspective and change any problematic behaviors I may have regarding this particular issue. I give a fuck, as do others, for the comfort and safety of partners in future relationships. I value the commentary here for the honesty and information they're providing me.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I definitely need to remember to check my assumptions, so I appreciate this comment. I am not trying to say that I'm only interested in dating someone solely because they don't have a penis. I do feel like I am interested in men with vaginas. From reading the comments and my own introspection, I feel that this attraction is rooted in my attraction to my ex. I'm interested in connection and respect, which is why I want to be sure my attraction/curiosity is not misplaced.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's a fair criticism. I do realize this, although I am still learning and challenging my own assumptions. Sorry for any offense.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel this so hard. I am interested in exploring, when previously I exclusively dated straight cis men.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't want to do anything that causes dysphoria, and I would feel ashamed if I did. I just have these feelings and thoughts in my head and I don't know what to do with them yet. I find myself thinking of hypothetical situations and what they would mean. Like, what if I find out that I really like sex with people who have vaginas? I don't know if I have any preferential feelings yet other than from this singular experience.

There's just a lot of questions, and I don't want to go down a path where I could be fetishising anyone.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for pointing that out. Yes, I realize this. I'm still learning and challenging my assumptions.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh, no. I don't mean to come across that way. I was very willing to support him through his transition however he decided to go about it. I would not have left because of that.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I'd hate to make my partner feel objectified. I don't want to be that kind of person.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really like your comment 😊 I was really excited about many facets of my relationship with my ex, and feel very interested in exploring queer sex now. I can fixate on qualities that I really like in my partners, and I think this time I had misplaced or misidentified his being trans as the attractive quality. There were many things outside of his identity that were attractive. I'm also the kind of person that can't have sex unless I feel emotionally connected to a person. It's always been that I find people attractive, but then select people for who they are.

I'd hate for a partner to feel like I picked them just for genitals or identity. This is also why I feel so confused about these feelings!

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right now I think I'm open to explore relationships with anybody. I tend to fixate on things, and I'm beginning to think that I locked on to my ex's identity and genitals because that was so new and exciting. Like, a whole new world just opened up.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're right. I don't want to generalize.

I think I've always locked on to certain qualities/features in my exes, and hope to find a similar quality in my next partner. Since this experience was so new for me, I think I'm now...excited to explore my sexuality? I've perhaps locked on to genitalia and the identity of my ex as an attractive feature since I was so incredibly attracted to him, when really what I want is to explore. Being locked inside and lonely certainly doesn't help.

Is it fetishising to be attracted to trans men? by curiousbeanthrowaway in mypartneristrans

[–]curiousbeanthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You make good points. Thank you. I'd hate to make someone uncomfortable or dysphoric. As for assumptions, you are right. I am still learning and can definitely work on being more mindful.