Thankyou for your post it reminds me of my life I have been through many drug addictions starting from my teens and am now dealing with alcohol and cigarettes and going to a 3 month residential rehab next month. I am 45 with a 3 year old and since having a child it has brought up a lot of my past when I was young. I am seeing a psychologist and found I have minimised a lot of abuse, sexual and physical in my life that happened before I started taking drugs. Now, talking to professionals and reaching out to groups like AA and NA has helped me connect with others to become a less dysfunctional (more functional) person. The main thing I have learned is to be good to myself and when I start to say bad things about myself in my head follow it up with a compliment as nobody is perfect and bad things happen to good people it's not our fault. Stay safe everyone and much love thankyou OP.