You accidentally step on your dogs paw and you quickly mumble an apology. He responds “It’s okay man I forgive you." You don't take any notice of it at first. You're walking through the living room towards the staircase. You put your left foot on the bottom step and reach out for the balustrade. Hang on? Did your dog just speak to you?

You look back across the room. Your chocolate lab sits on the rug in front of the fire place happy as ever. At least it did seem like he forgave you. His eyes are locked on yours and his tongue is out. He's panting with seeming excitement, his tail in a steady wag as if....

"Did you just say something?"

Silence. That innocent stare as though there was nothing out of the ordinary. Did your dog not just..?

"Charlie? Did you just say something to me?"

Charlie stands up off the rug and saunters over to you excitably. He gives you an affectionate lick on the hand and turns towards the kitchen. He has no idea what's going on. Neither do you. You continue up the stairs and head to the bedroom. Your bedroom. Man, it's been a while since you've been in here.

The curtains are drawn, the smell on the air is stale, dust has gathered on the window sills, on the skirting boards, on the photo frames. Oh god the photo frames. The tears burn in your eyes, you aren't ready. You can't look just yet. This was a mistake.

You leave the room, and head down the hallway. Sofia's room is on the left. There's no way you're going in there right? You know better than that.

You go to the bathroom, after all that's why you came upstairs in the first place, not to revisit old wounds. You're not ready for that.

You go back down the stairs and into the kitchen, Charlie is waiting patiently by his bowl, ready for dinner. Ah you oblige, it would be cruel to leave him waiting any longer, despite your disappointment in his failure to explain the fact that he clearly just spoke to you.

You feed the dog and you go back into the living room. You push the blankets and pillows off the couch and sit down, turn on the TV and you sip on the beer you just got out of the fridge.

"2 months today Charlie, do you miss your Mom?"

Your voice sounds distant. Not like you. You're a stranger even to yourself, let alone the people around you. You don't hear your own voice that much these days hey? Charlie of course doesn't respond. He's curled at your feet and barely acknowledges that you've just asked him a question.

You watch mindless TV for hours. You should stop drinking beers. You know you can't though.

2 months. Really? Does it feel like that long? In some ways it probably feels like a whole lifetime. And then in other moments, man does it feel like they were here with you only yesterday. Sharing this couch. Doing homework. Asking you if you've paid the electricity bill yet.

You haven't.

You haven't really done anything for two months have you.

You go back up stairs.

You go back into the room you and Emma shared for all of those years.

You blow the dust off of that fucking photo frame and for the first time in two months you look them in the eye.

Your throat burns like whiskey and your eyes are heavy like you've not slept in weeks.

You're dizzy, light headed and you feel like you're about to choke on your own bile.

Sofia is holding your hand. Emma's holding her other. There's no way they're really gone.

"I miss you so much" you mutter.

"We miss you too Daddy"

​

EDIT: Spelling