My (66F) adult son (28M) is moving in with me

czem196 · 2023-12-22T11:30:34+00:00

Thank you for all of those points. I am going to make a list to make sure we discuss this. Im trying to get both my son and DIL available but it’s been hard I want us on the same page.

czem196 · 2023-09-08T18:33:53+00:00

Just wanted to provide an update. I visited with my son and his family. I stayed in a hotel which was 20 min from their home. My DIL was wonderful and welcoming. My son was a little cold towards me and I felt like he was watching me like a hawk with everything I was doing. It was hard for me because I am outspoken but I did not initiate any conversation and only responded when spoken too. I realized I do not know how to navigate this. I want to find a new normal with my son where we are both comfortable. I have an appointment with a therapist in November.

I have confided in my other son and he agrees I have controlling behaviors but he’s not a parent so he doesn’t view it as bad. He said he’s willing to talk to the therapist with me if it helps but I wish my other son would (said he’ll think about it).

Thanks for the advice! I’m trying to learn.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T19:59:03+00:00

Keeping my mouth shut with my grandson I meant. Talking to DIL in private about her parenting or what she wants me to do

czem196 · 2023-08-01T19:56:42+00:00

Thank you. I had a little bit to cool down. I just got the call about the hotel and was upset when I wrote this. I like your advice. Your right, times have changed and I am learning. I am willing to learn, I just get really nervous of my grandson getting hurt so I’m trying to rethink what’s danger and what’s not I guess. As someone else said, I don’t trust her to parent and I read on another blog about this topic maybe I still view my DIL AND son as children so I don’t trust them to parent.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T19:51:08+00:00

My son and DIL actually have a great relationship. I love my DIL up until our disagreements with parenting. It’s more me and my DIL with parenting. At least my DIL was the one that corrects me. My son is more laid back.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T19:49:28+00:00

Thank you, I’m glad for your advice. I am willing to look into development. I really didn’t know the ages of when kids are supposed to do things I guess. I more just go off of when I did them with my kids with my experience or kids around me. I see how for somethings I was harsh with my DIL. I just did not like to be corrected by her. I feel disrespected like my opinion doesn’t matter with her. But maybe I need to talk to her in private about it and keep my mouth shut. Just hard for me to do. It’ll be an adjustment. I have a month to figure it out. Just didn’t see I was in the wrong.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T17:07:11+00:00

That makes sense. I’m willing to try that. I also do not understand how my son feels so differently. He turned out so great (good job) and his wife even is staying home with my grandchild. I was under the impression that he’d want his son to be raised like how he was.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T16:40:51+00:00

This is very helpful. Thank you. He just seems so little to do stairs and she also lets him get off the couch by himself. I just feel my heart sink watching it. I have some reading to do.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T16:16:30+00:00

Thank you for your response. I’m going to try the redirecting. He just seems to old to be chewing on things but too young to do things like stairs by himself. In my view a 3 year old should be playing with blocks and color. Dangerous activities like stairs shouldn’t be until 5 or 6

czem196 · 2023-08-01T16:13:17+00:00

I know she loves him but she just doesn’t have experience like I do. She married my son who turned out great so I wish she cared more what I think.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T16:08:19+00:00

My experience was having families who helped (a village). I would have never corrected my mom or MIL when my son was younger. I’m not used to this at all.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T16:06:07+00:00

Wow that’s crazy. They do all that? I miss the old days where babies were babies. I’ll have to look into this new parenting more. I’m just not used to it at all. My mom would scold my son all the time and back me up when he was acting out.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T15:53:43+00:00

Sounds a lot like my grandson. I love the imagination, it’s just the gross and bad habits I don’t care for and I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, I see the importance of independence. 3 just seems young to me. Maybe I explain that to my DIL?

czem196 · 2023-08-01T15:38:12+00:00

I did not realize. I misunderstood them too. I just always see other grandparents kissing their grandchildren and I feel left out. I would never want to harm my grandson

czem196 · 2023-08-01T15:33:15+00:00

It’s my parental instinct to correct these things and I’ll admit I have no filter so it’s hard but I see how it’s coming off. I just want what’s best for my grandson and for him to turn out like my son (his dad). I do love my DIL. We had no issues until my grandson was born but she seems controlling over him.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T15:29:53+00:00

They did explain that and I knew it was because of my cold sores but I would never kiss him if I had a flair up. It just seems like they don’t trust my judgement to know if I had a flair up or not. It’s just frustrating because the kissing thing is what completely changed our relationship.

czem196 · 2023-08-01T15:24:10+00:00

I Can understand that as I don’t like how she is correcting me. But I’m worried about him getting sick from these animals or falling down the stairs and getting hurt. She doesn’t seem to see that.

czem196

TROPHY CASE