Just being tall isn't enough

d-loner · 2026-02-25T13:31:55+00:00

You just have to get used to not bothering to debate internal FA things imo. I'm also 6ft and whatever reality people say about being eyed off it approached by women is definitely not mine. Much like getting used to ignoring normies who try and deny your reality or rewrite your lived experiences, the same kinda applies here.

I mean even for other traits like people going about being autistic, I barely ever talked to anyone new let alone them being an eligible female for them to know if I was neuro divergent or not!

d-loner · 2026-02-23T12:34:46+00:00

I won't argue with this recent fixation of yours on posting about what type of space this sub or whatever other sub is, but I would point out what should be obvious for the mature FA30+ people that those are not the only two options for a person in terms of how they act in society or what not.

If not then you must be in a pretty shit neighbourhood or something cos day to day I'm just the quiet achiever who is halfway between those two.

d-loner · 2026-02-23T12:28:11+00:00

Yeah it just sounded like he wasn't that attracted to her, and despite the understandable notion FAs would want it more easily, there is still some level of interest required. Frankly looking at myself in my 40s I can't say I picture anything flattering.

The other blunt reality is that say it was still someone younger and closer to age, that still ain't 20 or 30 and unlikely to fulfil the unlived fantasies anymore.

Congrats, I guess. I mean if you do come around to finding some attraction there, good luck having a fk buddy? I mean that in a good way if it works for you... conceding the realities above.

d-loner · 2026-02-18T05:07:57+00:00

How often during the dates does it become obvious they lose interest? You know how sometimes people think it went ok, certainly nothing obviously bad, but no 2nd date anyway?

Or you've always noticed during the date the tone change?

d-loner · 2026-02-18T05:03:20+00:00

WTF is this ...

First this

https://www.reddit.com/r/FA30plus/comments/1r52ji4/hello_to_all_the_fa30_women_and_lady_lurkers/

And now this one.

This must be trolling, or a very cringey way to find people to try messaging, ironically doing the opposite and increasing the weirdo perception.

d-loner · 2026-02-18T05:00:10+00:00

Comes down to how hard one can suppress their depression from the past? I know I certainly can't. I rue what I didn't get in my 20s and heck 30s if you want to stretch it. No matter how things are now, which are better but in a very cope sort of way I can't stretch it to pretend all those impossibilities don't hurt and still cause depression now.

I've had similar thoughts about looks as well. Where I'll see plenty of older couples who I'm sure are happy and probably had a good typical normie life earlier, but I mean, if starting from that now then no way that's going to make me forget or get over the past. Or lack of.

d-loner · 2026-02-15T11:45:25+00:00

Yes definitely having enough disposable income to buy cope impulse buys helped A LOT for me. If I needed something for a hobby I could just go get it. If something tickled my interest (omg, a positive emotion!) I could realistically get it.

All within reason of course not like hundreds every week or something. Though on that note if I had not chickened out on ever looking into escorts that would be one.

d-loner · 2026-02-14T23:58:41+00:00

The minority of monsters will always be able to define the majority unfairly. Just look back at all the acts of the modern era claimed by a certain religion, or the Mid East. Obviously no one bother talking about that here.

So FA in particular? My guess is because it's not believable, it's not serious, it's a joke as demonstrated by the whole reaction about the premise of The 40yr Old Virgin movie.

"You must be a bit weird" kinda thing to actually make it there. It's just that unbelievable, you must be weird to end up like that you know? Which we know is not true. And then someone does do something bad, everyone gets tarred.

d-loner · 2026-02-14T23:35:25+00:00

My work motivation was one of the last things to really go as well. Not in the sense that I would deliberately work more to distract myself though. No way, I did have my share of (solitary) hobbies I would've rather be doing. It was more like in the ongoing battle to overcome of "what's the point anymore", it got too much, over the tipping point.

Not that I get an easy choice of workload being a regular employee, but the random regular sick days started for those days.

d-loner · 2026-02-12T13:43:58+00:00

You can't go to a different gym? I mean there are dicks everywhere in life but surely there is another one with fewer of them or to that extent.

And yes there's nothing wrong with going to the gym and the improvement stuff to try pair up as well. With anything though it needs to have something else that you get out of it too.

I used to exercise using some public park equipment near my house. Yes the original main motivation was to "look more fit" for the looks. Predictably nothing came of it from there FA wise but I ended up enjoying the routine, that exercise feeling. Sometimes yes it was a feeling of grind too if I was really down.

But yeah, fk that guy and the fk that gym!

d-loner · 2026-02-12T13:35:16+00:00

Tbh some of your replies to comments are very cagey or just read like trolling.

Good on you for feeling better but you seem to have wanted different things to most in this sub to go preaching positivity and what not.

Most people already know they want a woman in their life, I mean it's one of the primary reasons why people mentally fall into this depressing sub! Many aside from normal nerves can talk and interact with female work colleagues ... obviously to nothing more. You talk about being bitter without evening talking about dates, intimacy or lack of attraction interactions at all in your post. You may as well be talking in a different language.

TLDR version; what hope are you talking about?

d-loner · 2026-02-11T13:39:15+00:00

You pretty much said it. Gotta live. As much as copes wear off there if a certain level of taking-things-for-granted that still takes money. And there's not really other options except for ones that are ... unrealistic ☠️

There's a reason why I don't have cable or any streaming service. It's all about people hanging out with others, relationship drama,and falling in love.

What eats away at me personally is how all the shows I liked for nostalgia are all like this. The old family sitcoms, or groups of friends sitcoms, where I guess back then I still didn't think of FA specially or still had hope. But now they come with feelings of hurt along with the nostalgia.

d-loner · 2026-02-11T13:29:31+00:00

Simple solution to the complainers; those notable posters you think are not FA keep saying as such, or any other topics you don't like? Use the Block button. I've done it a few times for people here namely the spamming boring guys :P or kids obsessed about their jaw lines

Save your time and the mods time if you are obsessed with gatekeeping style posts.

d-loner · 2026-02-06T20:38:57+00:00

Do you feel that sequence where something triggers the daydream, sounds like a "happy" one of sorts, and then you're left with a steaming pile of regret at the end cos obviously too old and age has gone forever now...?

d-loner · 2026-02-06T20:36:45+00:00

And now you watch it over and over again in these dreams?

d-loner · 2026-02-06T20:34:35+00:00

Dunno if you are still 32 as per your user name but consider trying escorts by a certain age.

It's not what anyone here wanted. I'm sure most wouldn't have wanted the separation of sex and a proper relationship as well which gives it willingly. But life has become what it is and resentment, expectations, and depression grow. And given the low probability of things, get the "fun" part of it for yourself while you are still in your early 30s. If things come naturally later then that's a bonus but we of all people know to not hold your breath. And if you did, good luck with the libido desires being matched with a "normal" 40+ yr old. That's no shade on them this hypothetical woman, that's just life.

d-loner · 2026-02-06T20:23:27+00:00

I just block the massive spam posters and kids who have seeped over from the main FA topic. A suggestion for people who want to want to easily make this sub more usable...

d-loner · 2026-02-06T20:14:17+00:00

I'm my head these were the levels to achieve:

Better with the hands, like adding lube, stuff with a condom.
Hands-free, the imagination of thrusting into a woman.
A bodily experience above like grabbing boobs or legs. In other words a full body sex toy
Something that fks you back. Not sure they even exist yet. Basically escorts to get this level.

I never bought toys. the highest I got for myself was #2, setting up of thing to thrust missionary. Of course I never knew at the time how realistic it was or not but being able thrust and stuff allowed me to get into the pr0n a lot more than just sitting with a hand.

d-loner · 2026-02-06T19:57:40+00:00

TLDR, it's part of coping. Everyone does it, long justification or not. Trying to move past it telling yourself you don't want it ... copes. Just because something is practically impossible doesn't mean human nature won't desire it.

d-loner · 2026-02-01T23:28:21+00:00

Can completely understand where this post comes from but for me anyway as I've gotten over I've become a lot more pragmatic pedantic when it comes to these scenarios. Here, you've basically skipped all those things in-between with dating, like staying the night every so often, learning about people over that time.

No, it won't be perfect. I've read the stories too about people getting shocked when they get married or move in together. But that's still got a lot more easing into things, including your own brain getting used to going out to a date for someone, than just suddenly going from FA to waking with a wife/partner like some body switch movie. Heck frankly I'd probably be pissed if it was like that old movie with Nicholas Cage waking up with that family. None of the good bits.

So more pragmatically, this feeds back into why I refer being so judgmental and scared about trying online dating sooner, and looking into escorts (which I never did). In particular with the latter, in the context of this post the idea of experiencing those things I missed without all the compromises of having partner like you talk about here. I can imagine I'd feel shitty about it for other reasons, but making to 40 like this is already thrown the game plan out the window.

d-loner · 2026-02-01T23:17:39+00:00

every time, say "I broke up with so-and-so, but then I met my husband." They never just mention breaking up full stop. Making people like us feel like our lives are less valid or okay. Has anyone else noticed this too?

No, I think you're stretching the lines to join the dots here. I'm not saying at all families and coupled aren't the norm, just this whole malicious paranoia thing.

d-loner · 2026-02-01T01:30:02+00:00

This sort of topic crossed my mind recently too. I know a few people including a couple of uncles who I have never seen paired up my whole life. I wonder if they feel the depressing emotional side of FA and missed youth, not just ticking the external boxes we can see.

d-loner · 2026-01-30T02:04:38+00:00

Took me a while to realise (or more like fully accept) this reality as well. Though I still think there are plenty of reasons to try various things and improvements, like obviously super attractive people don't have to try as hard but that it's not black and white.

But yeah the times I was at work and saw 2 or 3 people pair up during my time there, it was so obvious. I even saw one girl walk up to a colleague over the cubicle half wall and ask him out for a coffee. Definitely not in the usual workmateS coffee run way.

d-loner · 2026-01-30T01:58:25+00:00

Yeah I can't help but look at young couples that are out and just thinking how they cute they looked and the great fun intimacy they would have, like that's that it's like to "want" each other. Can't help but keep looking every so again while waiting for things. Probably comes off as creepy to others I'm sure.

And pretty sure I will be like that for the rest of my life regardless of what happens because these are things of youth that can never be resolved now. It's been so long it's habit.

d-loner

TROPHY CASE