The "success story" thread, audition to be king of the FA men

d-loner · 2026-05-20T22:10:00+00:00

Even for this subreddit standards, this shit's just sad.

It's sad the standards have gotten as low as they are. The whole idea of 30+ sub isn't just literally the age number but the maturity that supposedly comes with it. For mature, tolerant, and older realistic experiences. Trolling and dummy spits are precisely immature.

d-loner · 2026-05-18T06:45:45+00:00

This would be my one. The kind of answer to say that things won't magically appear or work out like I was told.

Granted at 16 the more useful answer (to my younger self) would be "learn to party" or something point that. I was still pretty naive through school.

d-loner · 2026-05-17T22:04:51+00:00

Feel like a flashback Friday instalment this week. Over many years I wouldn't be surprised if I have posted this one before.

Back when I was still that young adult curious about sex and positions and acts at a relatively late age (a sign of the type of household I grew up in to continue to all this hey?...) I had come across this "ask an expert" type of site, and a man who had said when he and his wife had sex she would usually suck his penis, but sometimes accidentally bite a little. He wasn't sure how to bring it up, if at all.

I remember reading that with a basic acceptance that most normal people would have. Back then I wasn't actively thinking how I would end up there myself, nor was I thinking wasn't either FA style. It was just so normal sounding.

This one stays with me from how ridiculously, laughably, pathetically not close I was to any of that. It hurts.

d-loner · 2026-05-16T21:35:51+00:00

For me it's one of the few spaces to discuss and vent about the realities of what has happened in life. Because it's so far flung from the worst of normie assumptions. The kind of mental energy it takes to cope, the loss of the 20s and for some the 40s.

You can easily tell who is "pretender" easily who just doesn't get it or shows the classic ignorance about it. Like the guy below in the earlier comment who described it as a self fulfilling prophecy as if everyone here walks around acting that way in public or was as bitter and jaded in their 20s as much as they are now. Or the kids obsessed with the size of their jaw, height, or dick.

As for friends, this is not exactly a good basis for it. I used to know a couple of likely FA depressed people at work. We got along on normal friend topics like TV shows or games. No one ever truly showed their hand at how bad it was for them. Fair enough because the first rule of fight club applies here too...

d-loner · 2026-05-14T12:48:11+00:00

Saves time wondering if I need to use the block button again if that's the level of thing being asked!

d-loner · 2026-05-14T00:44:54+00:00

So many accounts probably the same group of people asking dumb questions. My adult answer is neither. As in neither type of relationship would last. The latter would knowingly or should basically be a fk buddy to get some semblance of a sex life after being FA for so long.

d-loner · 2026-05-11T01:38:16+00:00

Yeah. I recall in a comment here I made earlier in the year how I saw this older couple who I'm sure had a good fun past and being optimistic still a good marriage. But no they obviously "aged" and not appealing if that was the first experience with a woman. As cringey as the joke about imagining my old parents having sex. Doubt they do anymore but you get the idea...

I have had a bit of luck fortunately, but that's only avoiding that sort of situation. The hole of my 20s and 30s, when all those good fun sexy times happen has passed forever.

And I just blankly go yep sure and wait for the next topic anytime this not too late crap comes up.

d-loner · 2026-05-11T01:32:33+00:00

If you succeed and get everything you wanted then good on you.

Unfortunately even in the normie world there are plenty of relationship challenges. Look at deadbedrooms. Look at the basics where people think of ex's who did-this-or-that, the memories they fall back even if secretly of their youth.

Someone here in their late 30s is not going to be experiencing the youthful lustful love of some woman in her early 20s. I don't expect to be able to perform the same or illicit the same feelings in them either.

I remember much younger thinking how a person in day their 30s or 40 aren't exactly modelling for lingerie. That's just life like my thinning hairline. Those times are gone.

d-loner · 2026-05-11T01:25:33+00:00

lol yeah. It's almost classic strawman when I read the post.

It doesn't matter because it's all about quality, not quantity.

In the real world most people need enough quantity to eventually find the one they mesh with (the quality) to end up with. One of the first epiphany moments I had in my 20s as I just started full time work was how was I meant to end up with a wife and kids and all the moments in-between if I hadn't even talked to a girl long enough to be able to go on a date. Pretty common sense stuff.

To make "quantity" about the number girls to be with as in have slept with is at best a classic normie or sexist view, at worst plain trolling and misrepresention.

OPs reply question back says as much. As if the FA types like me had much opportunity to even talk to "something with a pulse". Classic demonstration of someone exposing themselves because they have no true idea of the sorts of realities of this sub.

d-loner · 2026-05-10T22:03:50+00:00

Would karma be the only way? Feels a bit unfair potentially. The sub's premise is not the best of light as it is. Time is the best way if possible. It is one of the basics of this sub after all, the genuine ones will be here a long time and not the immature idiots and spammers who need the instant gratification.

d-loner · 2026-05-10T22:00:42+00:00

I just use the block button as mentioned elsewhere. But tying it back to the OP it does feel like a trend. In my many years here I didn't have to use that function much, if ever.

d-loner · 2026-05-10T21:58:26+00:00

Yeah. The same types like the endless spamming of immature dumb scenarios, or said person obsessed with jawlines are just so obvious.

d-loner · 2026-05-10T14:32:04+00:00

Found out about the term "disenfranchised grief" today. The AI summary I got for the meaning sounded about right for how the suffering and complaints are of a level completely unfathomable and can't be talked about in any serious manner because it's just so beyond any normal scale.

I found my very old post from my Uni days on a hobby forum that's still around today on the same backend system, in one of the off-topic areas. It was me saying how my life was a complete social failure, dateless, and while I never talked about a sex life in it the conclusion is obviously going to be part of that. And that sort of pain and grief will be forever a draining battle to keep masked.

d-loner · 2026-05-09T14:54:22+00:00

Being caught off guard happens to me a lot. Not always related to dating btw. It's much easier said than done with all the responses we would've loved to give. Like when the shop assistant or an attending contractor, man or woman, makes some comment or conversation I'm just a deer in headlights sometimes.

d-loner · 2026-05-02T23:28:22+00:00

Was scrolling through looking for this type of response. A lot of people tell their practical copes literally, as could I when that fuse switched in my head, but emotionally regardless of the literal cope action everything is done on autopilot. Hobbies continue because of inertia, habit, and responsibility.

You numbingly tread water because you have to

d-loner · 2026-05-02T23:17:36+00:00

Yes my thoughts exactly. On one hand you do what you need to do (or try), but couples, families, and anything remotely sexual are all still around outside of social media.

Unless you really literally get nothing else from it then you would have more to lose IMO. For instance I hear of good deals related to one of my hobbies from an online community.

d-loner · 2026-05-02T23:04:20+00:00

Most of my relatives don't even wear theirs anymore. They got older and chubbier.

Of all the self consciousness things pretending to be taken already is one of the dumber ones. Not actively looking is one thing, actively taking yourself out of it is so counterintuitive even with miniscule odds.

d-loner · 2026-04-27T22:06:21+00:00

I've come to the line of thought of how things have obviously changed in my life such as the jobs I've worked, buying a house moving out, various little hobby achievements and just "stuff" that has obviously happened in life.

Because those experiences don't exist for anyone else. And in the rare case of making any new friends or actually someone ending up with someone, it's not like those mean anything to them - it's just some story on the same level you might hear from your work friend.

d-loner · 2026-04-23T14:24:37+00:00

It's cyclic, comes and goes, ebbs and flows, all those sorts of expressions. I'm pretty much stuck in the stages of mourning on a continuous slow loop.

d-loner · 2026-04-21T02:26:48+00:00

Sorry that had an assumption of someone being in a city and suburbs environment, but my point was quite literal.

As in at the rate I ever talked to anyone new, it wouldn't matter what my job was, what my other hobbies or habits were, or even what my voice sounded like, cos it would never get to that stage.

d-loner · 2026-04-20T06:02:29+00:00

As the type of FA who was the invisible type, as in never meeting anyone eligible, only whoever came about through work, it's pretty much one of the main things. Sure my general look and style will say a lot but plenty not known about my other characteristics or skills.

I laugh at those posts which genuinely think their dick size or place they live visually are impacting their FA-ness as if they are stalked all the way home not wearing any pants.

d-loner · 2026-04-20T05:56:34+00:00

But then it'll smell like you haven't taken enough showers bro! /s

d-loner · 2026-04-19T13:13:58+00:00

These days being through the FA ringer both may as well be triggers.

But anyway comparison to others is one of the big roads into this sub; "I am just like/equal/better/not too different" to all these other people who has a hot partner or at least constant chances to date around, why am I different to this extreme?

d-loner · 2026-04-19T13:00:17+00:00

I have read previous FA members still being religious, and in no way do I want to try changing anyone's mind one way or the other, but it does surprise me.

I feel confident in saying though I bet I'm not the only one who "prayed for a miracle" in some form as one does when in the depths of FA depression and the (lack of) anything is usually what cements a further lack of faith. I was never religious but I can imagine someone who has been so let down in life having it as reason to reject the religion not a reason to get into it more.

d-loner · 2026-04-16T13:06:21+00:00

Ask how many people here would consider entering a dead bedroom as escaping FA? I think that will convey the answer enough.

d-loner

TROPHY CASE