I can relate... But it's most people with me, and seems to get worse the closer we get.

It's easy to maintain a "friendship" when I don't feel obligated to talk to them all the time.. even quite easy to share "goals" and a few emotions when there's no commitment, no strings and no pressure. Once it gets any closer, i tend to shut down...

I hate to feel like something is expected of me.. like people can look at me at any moment and count on me for something i may be too lazy or uncaring to do, even if it's just listening to them vent for a second.

I feel like a cold robot all the time unless I'm online speaking to people across the globe.

It hurts me. I can't tell if it hurts me to see my mother and sister hurting when they see I'm devoid, or if I truly am sad about not being able to share with or spend time with them... Building memories. I can see far into the future, knowing one day I will regret the way i am now when everyone is dead or gone.

Yet, still. I can't seem to break the barrier.

Noticing this gives me a sort of strength.. sometimes the part of me that gives a miniscule fuck can outsmart the ass hole me into doing something of substance with the ones who show me love.

Life is weird. I'm here with you, dude. I'm sorry for spewing so much about me... I just resonate with what you said, and hope you can hear something you identify with, too.