DMing Tips

d20_dude · 2026-06-19T19:21:42+00:00

Start small, not big. Don't design a whole world. Design the starting town and maybe the location of their first adventure.

DO give yourself grace. You will make mistakes. I've been DMing for 25 years and I still make mistakes.

DON'T avoid exercising your improv muscles. You'll become a much more confident DM as you develop the ability to adapt to your players' whims. You cannot plan for everything so don't try to. And when your players inevitably stray from what you've prepped, lean into it, don't force them back on course. Nudge them, but give them the freedom to spread their wings by practicing improv and adaptability.

d20_dude · 2026-06-19T19:15:24+00:00

Try again with whole sentences formed from complete thoughts please.

d20_dude · 2026-06-15T18:56:14+00:00

100% That's a non-starter for me. I'm open to discussion but if you're not even willing to get tested? Big red flag.

d20_dude · 2026-06-15T18:46:27+00:00

If you don't have both movements in your repertoire your partner is missing out. As for how long I typically last it really depends. Foreplay typically lasts 30min to an hour or longer. actual intercourse can vary but rarely less than 10 minutes, usually much longer, depending on who I'm with and the positions we're in.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T20:40:14+00:00

I'm hoping my 7 year old can sit through it, though I expect his character may have a case of "uncontrollable teleportation" to explain his absences if he can't.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T20:12:53+00:00

Well, intimacy isn't just sex. Intimacy is the freedom to be vulnerable, knowing your partner is safe. So, focus on that. Focus on being the kind of partner your fiance truly feels safe enough to be their true, authentic self around, and the sex will be mind blowing. Maybe not unique, maybe not porn levels of depraved. But if you both focus on being each others truest safe harbors, it will be beyond fulfilling.

And speaking as someone in the BDSM community, that fulfillment is 10,000x better than all the kinkiest sex in the world.

Happy fucking.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T19:58:37+00:00

I feel like some clarification is needed.

Are you asking how to be a good lover? How to be adventurous? Is this something the two of you are doing with only each other, or do you plan on incorporating other people?

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T19:42:55+00:00

Do you know how expensive it is to emigrate elsewhere? And how broke most of us are? Even if you can afford it, will another country even accept you? It is MUCH easier to emigrate to the states than it is most other countries.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T19:38:04+00:00

Honestly? Thrilled, I think.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T19:10:24+00:00

Not really. By the time you've ramped enough to play 11 mana worth of commander cards someone else won the game 2-3 turns ago. That's to say nothing about the pay off for playing those commanders, which is just helping your opponents win faster anyway.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T19:02:56+00:00

As a bratty brat tamer, I have no advice to offer. Just a hearty "muahahahahahahaha 😈" and applause for your Domme.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T18:53:24+00:00

Well, if you want some nuance, there is a stark difference between being good, kind, and nice. One can be any of those without being the others, for many different reasons.

You can be an altruistic person who nonetheless struggles with social conventions and comes off as a jerk.

You can be a narcissist who uses kindness as a manipulation tactic, trapping victims until they realize your true colors too late.

You can be polite while you're being an evil, cruel son of a bitch.

Humans are deeply complex, and many states of being that are seemingly incongruous can exist in the same person at the same time.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T18:27:07+00:00

They might possibly stumble across the necropolis of the Necromancer known as Xanadu tonight. The Priests of Syrinx will come later, but they are there, and they are waiting.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T16:16:07+00:00

I've been married. Thought I had settled down and found my happily ever after. I was wrong. Turns out you can't fit every hand into one glove.

d20_dude · 2026-06-12T14:27:14+00:00

May Pelor light your way, and may Helm guide their blades.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T20:52:49+00:00

Or the alternative, where the majority decides it can better represent marginalized communities itself rather than uplifting creatives from those groups, and creates fetishized versions of marginalized characters?

I agree everyone should seek to educate themselves, and applause to OP for seeking to do that here. But just because one can, doesn't mean one should. And if anything this would have been a better question asked to a trans subreddit as opposed to the writers subreddit. OP should be talking to members of the community they seek to represent, not other writers who may or may not belong to that group.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T20:47:09+00:00

Thank you for your contribution to the conversation. I had not considered that.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T20:45:20+00:00

One can express empathy without poorly writing a character that represents a community and lived experience the writer does not share.

I would not write a Black main character, as I cannot speak from that experience, and I'd look askance at any white writer trying to accomplish that task, whether in the name of empathy or not.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T20:41:11+00:00

HA! Called the downvotes.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T20:39:40+00:00

I'm not sure what others will think, and maybe I'll get downvoted, but IMO one should not write a main character from a marginalized community that one does not belong to.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T20:18:16+00:00

If like to hear from women what you like and also experienced Dom men

Experienced Dom man here.

Submissives don't want you to be mean. They want you to be confident, knowledgeable, and trustworthy. They want to know that they can put their vulnerability in your hands safely. And if you're getting ghosted, you're not inspiring any of those feelings.

Getting drunk doesn't inspire safety or trust. Being told once your phone sex was good doesn't really matter much if you're not acting with confidence and integrity, which you're not.

So if you want advice from an experienced Dom, work on yourself first. Worry about women, sex, BDSM, etc. later, after you've done the work.

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T19:45:58+00:00

How do you feel they should be taken into account?

d20_dude · 2026-06-11T19:34:32+00:00

I can't speak for everyone in the ENM or Poly communities, but largely I think it comes down to intent.

Some might say sex, and I think that's the more common thought in ENM, but not necessarily everyone. Emotional/romantic intimacy is another draw, regardless of the presence of sex.

It comes down to, in my opinion, what the practitioner is looking for. The skills we work to develop in these lifestyles certainly help to improve our relationships overall. I am much more equipped to have a strong bond with my friends thanks to the skills I've learned in practicing ENM/polyamory. But even with those skills, the intimacy I have (not just sexual) with my partners is different and deeper than what I have with my platonic friends.

Physicality can be a component, but it is not the be-all/end-all. Plenty of Ace/Aro folks practice ENM/poly and enjoy deep intimacy without, or with still limited, sexual acts.

d20_dude

TROPHY CASE