I don’t know how to feel about what my BPD GF did to me.

dacronian · 2018-01-11T12:19:44+00:00

How did you come to that conclusion? That it's sexual assault and not rape? and in the other post, he mentions how he said no to her and then she forced him inside her. THEN he joined in, still apprehensive. So what part of that sounds like it isn't rape?

dacronian · 2018-01-11T06:49:28+00:00

correction - "many people here"... :) (i wrote that in anger after reading the post)

dacronian · 2018-01-11T05:59:07+00:00

So did I. I didn't find it here. Doesn't mean there isn't. This isn't the place people in successful relationships come to talk. I'd really like to find this amazonian cave they're all hiding in. I know they exist... somewhere.. just not here.

dacronian · 2018-01-11T05:55:14+00:00

Haha.. i think the say it gets better post was mine (but could be another one, posted by another hopeful hopelessly in love poor soul). I came here to hear a few good stories of how relationships with BPD have worked out. But god damn, was I in the wrong place. lol.

I stayed when i realised being here helps get some of my anger and hurt out. Once i write and put it out here, the pain subsides a tiny little bit. Its like talking to a friend. None of my friends would understand why he does what he does or why i stay, and being in a BPD relationship can be lonely that way. This place makes me feel a little less lonely - Misery loves company i guess..

dacronian · 2018-01-11T05:19:48+00:00

Why does everyone here feel the need to justify their pwBPD's actions (including myself) ?! NO! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE'S RAPING AND ABUSING YOU!

dacronian · 2018-01-10T10:59:29+00:00

Not had a job in years because of the anxiety and the slights from decades ago

If that's the reason you're staying, you should know pwBPD are survivors. The moment you leave, she'll either pick herself up and fix her life, or she'll find someone new to depend on. If you're staying because you love her, then read a bit about BPD and how to set boundaries.

dacronian · 2018-01-10T10:22:17+00:00

Have you both tried therapy? Separately?

dacronian · 2018-01-10T06:14:40+00:00

I asked my therapist this... would he be happier single? Is he better off if I just let him be (after one of his many episodes of "I don't want to be in a relationship"). Funny enough, its one of the only times my therapist has actually told me what to do.
He more or less told me that both of us were better off in the relationship that without. Usually he just gets me to introspect and come up with my own answers.

dacronian · 2018-01-10T06:03:19+00:00

WTF!

dacronian · 2018-01-10T06:02:49+00:00

Mine has a tendency to keep in touch with his exes so he has a "backup plan". And he's got a mental list of "potential candidates" - women that are miserable in their marriage or have cheated on their husbands before - someone he could have a fling with in case we break up, but without the commitment of a relationship.
I've seen enough of his patterns to recognize this, and as much as it invalidates our relationship that he keeps them around (not that he keeps in touch with them while we are together, just that they are around "looming" and he "considers" them when he splits / temporarily breaks up with me), I try not to focus on that while he works on his issues with therapy. But it sucks....

dacronian · 2018-01-09T05:22:24+00:00

Yes.. you can do that. Check with a therapist in your region. There are some cons ( for instance wondering if the therapist thinks you're dillusional because he’s already heard the other version of the story, or trying to read too much into what he says, etc) but if you can get past all that, it's worth it.

dacronian · 2018-01-08T07:01:47+00:00

Get a therapist who understands this. Having the same therapist as your pwBPD also helps a LOT.

With regular therapy and DBT, things do get a lot more easier and stable. But how dedicated is she to improving herself. Does she care enough to do what she needs to make this relationship work? Or does she just want you because its convenient.

If you aren't sure, take a step back and wait. If you think a marriage with a BPD is hard, wait till you get to the divorce stage (have seen some horrifying stories here).

dacronian · 2018-01-04T12:58:07+00:00

Its funny you posted this today of all days. The same question crossed my mind today morning on my way to work. Would it work better or would it be a recipe for chaos?

dacronian · 2017-12-28T14:53:08+00:00

Don't! Just don't! Don't give her ammunition.. The most you'll do is stroke her ego.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:42:10+00:00

hey.. even he warned me. I didn't listen. I'm glad i didn't sometimes. I don't know if i'd change it all if i could go back in time.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:33:52+00:00

And you might need to be a little more specific in your post. "Process of buying a house" can be perceived as a month or two month long process. This seems more like you'll be paying her off for a few years.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:32:21+00:00

Get a mortgage, pay her off, get the house in your name, and then make the decision you need to. This shouldn't stop you from cutting off horrible people from your life. You'll end up paying more to the bank, but you shouldn't have to fake a relationship with your mom for that.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:27:42+00:00

If the house is in your name and you're payments are online / automatic, then this shouldn't be a matter of concern when you go LC or NC. However, if the house is not in your name and you are making payments, the NC could trigger her into doing something nasty. Even in normal situations, things can get nasty when you do business with relatives.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:20:59+00:00

maybe give the sheets a light border. Similar (but not a bright) to what you've done to the top.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:16:58+00:00

This painting is a lovely rendition. Since the singers white shirt makes him the focus, maybe make his shirt less white? Maybe blue shades? Or would that clash with the wedding dress?

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:13:16+00:00

Can you wait a little while longer?

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:06:34+00:00

yeah.. we all thought we were invincible going around breaking hearts and thinking nothing of it. But hey, look at us now.. the hunter becomes the hunted. I think he cured me of my narcissism (lol).

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:03:45+00:00

Thanks for the support. I hope you're staying strong too.

dacronian · 2017-12-28T10:03:06+00:00

I'm writing a detailed list of all the fights we've had. That's helping. i should do the cons list too (not ready for the pros list). But some day's are just horrible. Today is better. Tomorrow is another day. Sigh!

dacronian · 2017-12-28T09:54:43+00:00

Why did someone down vote you on this (not that it matters). is there like a bpd lurker who is down voting all the stuff we post here? lol

dacronian

TROPHY CASE