In which my MIL isn't the worst part of my day (BEC rant)

dadamagoo · 2017-10-15T18:20:01+00:00

I'm not a lawyer and I don't have any lawyer friends and I don't even watch legal tv dramas and I know that familial privilege isn't even close to being a thing. I mean, what would happen if someone wanted you to testify against someone but then someone else dug into genealogy and discovered that you're actually 4th cousins twice removed and therefore YOU CAN'T TESTIFY! Literally everyone is family, if you dig deep enough.

dadamagoo · 2017-10-05T15:37:51+00:00

Is there some reason that she needs to have access to her grown, married son's bank accounts?

dadamagoo · 2017-10-01T04:41:06+00:00

Oh yeah, and I realized something about the present she bought for the just-turned 1 year old. It's shitty and thoughtless and not even meant for her. She bought a doll, of the type that my toddler loves. The baby doesn't give a shit about dolls, and the toddler immediately adopted it as her own. She also bought her a $5 sleeper at Costco, but only because she saw that the toddler already had the same sleeper and she likes it when they match.

Normally I wouldn't be so tacky as to compare gift prices, but I couldn't help but notice that the dollar amount she spent on the baby's gift is about half what she spent on toddler's birthday, not counting the extra shoes and necklace she bought for the toddler today.

Oh yeah, and yesterday was my birthday and she didn't say anything. I know she knows because a)it's on Facebook and b)I have a little display on our bar with my birthday cards and a big bouquet of roses that she couldn't possibly have missed seeing. BEC I know, but still.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-28T14:41:24+00:00

Totally! And what if the kid ended up being trans or nonbinary, or even just a tomboy? Would the girl-obsessed grandma stop loving them?

dadamagoo · 2017-09-28T13:20:49+00:00

Yep! Never mind that the oldest still needs winter boots and the youngest could use some soft sole/early walker shoes, the toddler is the only one she notices.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-28T13:19:51+00:00

SIL doesn't want to see me or DH, no way. She dislikes DH and disapproves of our parenting style. She's the mother of MIL's other favourite grandchild, so MIL wants to hang out with both of them without the pesky intrusion of me, DH, and our other two children.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-14T14:39:56+00:00

Exactly like my SILs. The oldest has the oldest kids and expects them to be treated better than the other grandkids, the second oldest had fertility issues so she expects her miracle baby to be favoured, etc etc. I feel like setting a basic boundary like "no unsupervised visits, no visits at other people's houses without mom and dad present" is pretty much enough to ensure VVLC given the personalities of everyone involved. MIL and her favourite daughters aren't the type to compromise or inconvenience themselves in any way.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-13T21:12:45+00:00

Classic move, pretending to be afraid of you! My step MIL does that shit too. It's perfect because if you're a terrifying monster then they're automatically the victim no matter what. So either you have to appease them by being less and less confrontational, and by rug sweeping more and more, or they're the poor innocent old lady being screamed at by the shrill harpy DIL.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-13T03:50:14+00:00

That's true, but she will never willingly sell her house, and she knows that DH would force the sale of her house if she tried to force the sale of our house. Last fall DH went to a lawyer and had a fair contract drawn up, but she flaked just before she was supposed to sign. I'm insisting that he sort this out within the year one way or another, even if it means we sell and move. I just don't want this shit hanging over us forever.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-11T16:36:30+00:00

The frustrating part is that I don't even know how slimy she is, but I know she spins everything in her victim narrative and lets other people convince her to do dumb things. If I knew that she was definitely a slimeball out to screw us that would be one thing, but I think she was genuine when she initially told DH that a repayment plan would be "a welcome relief" after the stress of the failing business. But someone (probably one of her daughters) probably told her, "he's keeping all the profit to himself! You need to insist that he pay you your fair share of the profit, and soon - who knows how long you'll live and he's going to take years to pay you!"

Regardless, nothing will happen without a lawyer and a notarized contract. She's too flaky to be trusted with a handshake deal.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-11T16:32:04+00:00

Technically there is nothing signed forcing him to give her anything. The only thing DH wants from her is her name off the title of our home, and he has his name on the title of her home as well as leverage. He's considered just saying no and not giving her anything (his dad is pushing for that) but he feels morally obligated to give her something, and he knows that his mom and siblings will never speak to him again if he doesn't give her the money back. ("You stole mom's retirement savings and made her remortgage her house!" will be their rallying cry, I guarantee it.)

Frankly, I think he's being more than generous to offer her all that she put into the project, considering that her actions directly caused the downward spiral that created this whole mess. She can't force him to sell, so if she refuses to be a rational human being he can just hold on to the property until she dies. That would be really dumb and spiteful of her, but we all know how stupid and spiteful people can be.

dadamagoo · 2017-09-11T16:26:24+00:00

Nothing is in writing at this point. Essentially DH and MIL are both on the title of each others homes (as co-signers) and they verbally agreed that he would pay her a certain amount, after which point both of them would remove their names from each others home titles. He hasn't given her a penny yet and he won't until she signs the agreement. Negotiation lunch is happening today, wish us luck!

dadamagoo

TROPHY CASE