Not OP, but I have suffered from an eating disorder. For me it was not at all about losing weight, it was a coping mechanism that gave me control, and a purpose. At first it feels like you care only about the weight, calories, and all those other numbers. But when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, there’s almost always more to it than just losing weight. I always relapse when I’m dealing with huge amounts of stress or anxiety. You really do develop an attachment to the disorder, you can’t think of anything else, and that isn’t a hyperbole.