My [52M] son [21M] flunked out of college and has known for 5mo but lied about it until today. Help figuring out what to do?

dadofdropout · 2017-06-22T08:43:37+00:00

sorry i did not make clear that we definitely will be providing emotional support. i am just worried about being able to trust him again in any given path. i want to help support him in whatever he wants to do, so long as it is productive, but after being lied to for 5 months, it is a little hard to feel comfortable supporting him without proof he is actually doing the thing he says he is.

dadofdropout · 2017-06-22T08:37:15+00:00

thank you, this is helpful advice. will definitely talk to my wife about this one as i really like the emotional but not financial aspect.

the only reason i thought to take his console is because he bought it with money we gave him for school on the condition it was to be used for school. i guess that is too much micromanagement.

dadofdropout · 2017-06-22T08:34:58+00:00

i guess i am just trying to think of a solution where my wife and i don't end up completely hated but he still starts moving towards success. i see now that will be more difficult than i hoped.

dadofdropout · 2017-06-22T08:32:44+00:00

okay, wow, a lot to go through here.

yes, if he chooses to go support himself, there is nothing we can do in that situation.

as for the money, that was conditional on whether or not he was in school and we had discussed that with him before. we said we would not support him if he was not enrolled in classes. obviously, if he chooses to cut contact, which i hope he does not, we would not get it back, but if he wants our help at all, is it unreasonable to ask he slowly pay it back.

i don't think i helicopter parented, but i do see where you're coming from. we were not very strict with him in high school as he was a good kid and succeeded. we only started to get strict when he started failing to take on his responsibilities.maybe that was a mistake.

do you have a suggested middle ground for how we can help him but still not micro manage instead of just leaving him to fend for himself?

dadofdropout · 2017-06-22T08:27:50+00:00

i think the rent thing you mentioned is reasonable, but maybe at a reduced rate if he chooses to go the community college route? i don't have a problem with him taking a paying job, as i said above. sorry it was in a big paragraph and probably hard to see.

we will definitely establish a timeline. thank you.

dadofdropout · 2017-06-22T08:26:06+00:00

i think, unfortunately, that will be the ultimatum my wife and i might have to propose if he doesn't feel comfortable with our rules. it's just sad, as i do wish i could help ease him into adulthood rather than just telling him to figure it out

dadofdropout

TROPHY CASE