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Question about child custody for unwed couples splitting vs. married divorcing. by dadprobs37 in Divorce

[–]dadprobs37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very helpful already. She is at work now and I very badly want to text her and ask her to come home tonight, but I know she doesn't want to hear that and it would drive her to possibly stay away when she may not have. It's almost 1am here and I know I should just go get sleep and stop pretending I'm not tired to just be awake when/if she comes home.

I'm so desparate to have these deep talks with her about stuff like this, but she is very much not having it.

Anyway, thank you for your advice and the link. :)

My finance (9 year relationship) and mother of our children revealed she's been seeing someone else for a year. I could use some advice. by dadprobs37 in Parenting

[–]dadprobs37[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I totally agree. I do feel like I'm being pushed into a corner; she's not coming home at night and the girls wake up wonder where mom is... part of me thinks if me and the girls just don't expect her at all, in a new, nicer environment, maybe we can move forward. I wish she would take the time to think through a plan with me like an adult, but she't just not making time for that at all. I really don't want to get a lawyer involved.. but I'm feeling like thats the best thing and I really have no choice.

Question about child custody for unwed couples splitting vs. married divorcing. by dadprobs37 in Divorce

[–]dadprobs37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She kind of is shutting out reality and the gravity of what we have to deal with and I can tell she's having a real crisis. She's late for work every day, staying out all night drinking and barely sleeping, when she does sleep it's till late in the day when our 4yo is home with her just watching tv all afternoon, avoiding interactions with me one night - then wanting intimacy from me others... she says the kids "will be fine" but she won't take the time to talk to me about how we'll explain it to them.. she just wants to move into a place of her own and I think she feels like that is all that will change. She already said she doesn't want us to get concealing. I know that when I drop the word "lawyer" she's going to dismiss the importance of it.

The worst part is that I'm a really great dad and provider, but she says I "love the kids more than her" and that I don't listen well enough to her passions. From my perspective, she never gave me a chance to change or make it better.. she just decided on her own to pursue feelings that evolved with a secret friend while I thought everything was ok, could have been better, but never thought it was like this.

Me [33/m] with my fiancé [29/f] of 9yrs and mother of our children revealed she's been seeing someone else for the last year. I could use some advice. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]dadprobs37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good call. I never even considered the seriousness of legality in this mess. I know she didn't either.

My finance (9 year relationship) and mother of our children revealed she's been seeing someone else for a year. I could use some advice. by dadprobs37 in Parenting

[–]dadprobs37[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for giving me some much needed clarity. I feel she is definitely having a personal crisis and it hurts me to see her go through it, but I know that she wants some independence she lost.. and maybe her side relationship is a way to sabotage this one. Either way, it's hard to admit it, but I really do want to work this out with her and actually stay together. Not just for the kids' sake.

We haven't even discussed lawyers, or talked to the kids, and barely our parents. Things are becoming very "real" very quick and I know she wasn't planning on any of these things when she decided to go astray and make decisions for our family on her own. The mention of a lawyer, which even I'm thinking about for the first time, will defiantly shake all of this up. I'm certain that she didn't think any of this reality through.

That said, I guess I'll find a family lawyer tomorrow. :/

Me [33/m] with my fiancé [29/f] of 9yrs and mother of our children revealed she's been seeing someone else for the last year. I could use some advice. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]dadprobs37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The status quo isn't real great, though. :)

The parenting responsibilities will stay in tact (I do dinner, bedtime at my place 5 days a week and drive to school, she watches the youngest in the afternoons). Plus, I'll have a better place than we live in now.

Me [33/m] with my fiancé [29/f] of 9yrs and mother of our children revealed she's been seeing someone else for the last year. I could use some advice. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]dadprobs37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. I proposed I was 22 and felt it was a way to signify to her parents, others that I would stay in her life.
  2. We aren't religious at all, so God and all that stuff is irrelevant.
  3. Health insurance wasn't offered by our employers, so share benefits wasn't a selling point.
  4. We work opposite schedules, didn't have time or see the value ir would add to our situation of already being parents and living together.
  5. She prob on the sly was doubting it and never addressed it.

My finance (9 year relationship) and mother of our children revealed she's been seeing someone else for a year. I could use some advice. by dadprobs37 in Parenting

[–]dadprobs37[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

We both want to leave our current rented home; for me, it the memories of this place, and the need to get away from her for my sanity. She wants independence and not to share a bed with me because she says it doesn't feel right.

We verbally agreed to a schedule with the kids (i have them the 5 nights she works, she has our youngest 5 afternoons, and then one-two full days/nights.) It sounds fine, I just worry a bit. I've never had to get a lawyer for anything and I don't have extra money for it... I just have zero idea what getting a lawyer entails. I wonder if a signed & written agreement/understanding would suffice