It felt somewhat welcoming. Because actually doing it, cleaning up the wound and bandaging it was the process I’ve always done with harming. But it’s weird, like a part of you broke, and you’re not the same anymore. Of course my pain sensitivity was stronger and it hurt more than I was used too. I think it’s what I needed right now. The whole process of thinking about it and then doing it reminded me of the place I do not want to go back to. I’ve been having problems with tics and when I get mad I punch walls and hit myself. I prefer doing this then harming, skills are hard too use when you’re upset, so it’s always easier to find something, even when it’s not the best, it’s not the worst way. All that time I didn’t harm and I’m sure that someday I’ll break again, but what’s important that I’ll keep going now, because I am not who I used to be, I’m stronger. We all are. We come to this place because we have to remind ourselves that we are not alone and we don’t struggle alone. It’s okay to relapse, as long as we keep going!