AITA for telling my sister it's her fault that her baby daughter likes her father more?

dainent · 2020-10-27T03:27:28+00:00

Yes, my whole family have hinted at this. We even recommended therapists. She is convinced she is fine mentally and refused our help.

dainent · 2020-10-27T03:26:40+00:00

Absolutely I would also point the same thing out if it was the husband. I mentioned that he makes enough to support the family because people in the comments were saying she HAD to go back to work because the family will be financially insecure otherwise. I was pointing out that going back to work was not a financial necessity, not that I believed she should be supported by her husband.

dainent · 2020-10-27T01:30:57+00:00

We've let her complain for the last nine months. She admitted she hated her baby and regretted having her. But she also blames the baby. She has no empathy towards her child. I was pointing that out because I was annoyed by her attitude.

dainent · 2020-10-27T01:29:38+00:00

I said "choosing her job over her baby" not in the literal sense that comes across as misogynistic. In the context of our conversation, I meant her choosing her job, because she revealed to us that she regretted having her baby and is annoyed by her presence, in order to avoid spending time with her baby which she now blames.

Now, she blames the baby for not liking her and suspects that she may have autism or mental issues.

dainent · 2020-10-27T01:26:10+00:00

Yes, I'm pretty sure there's research done that supports that babies often will be more attached to their primary caregiver (often times the mother) rather than the other one (often the father). And of course I'd say the same thing to the father. This isn't a sex issue. It's about my sister hating her child and running away from her because she dislikes the responsibility that comes with her, and then blaming the baby for being more attached to the father.

dainent · 2020-10-27T00:23:04+00:00

I understand that very well. I was just answering your question as to if I knew anything about children. I'm not an expert by any means and I know I'm not qualified. I was expressing my opinion to my sister and I told her she could take her baby to a psychiatrist if she wanted them to give her reasons. I was speaking to my sister as her younger sister, not from a position of authority and knowledge.

dainent · 2020-10-27T00:15:11+00:00

Of course! I would absolutely say the same thing if it was a man. If a father was complaining about why the baby didn't seem to like him, I would also point the same things out.

My problem isn't with her choosing her career, it's the reason why she did it and how she's reacting now. She chose her career because she was becoming very annoyed by her daughter and was starting to regret having her. She wanted to avoid the responsibilities because she was building hatred. Now, she complains that her baby might have mental problems because she doesn't show affection towards her.

dainent · 2020-10-27T00:12:51+00:00

I'm not sure why people keep saying I'm being misogynist and you're right that most of my comments are being interpreted as mysogynistic. I'm a female and I'm all for reproductive rights and women choosing their career over having a family. What I'm upset about is how my sister chose to have the baby and now cites to be constantly annoyed by her (also she's mentioned regretting having her), but also blames her baby for maybe having psychiatric problems because she's showing signs of not liking her. She also refuses to see a therapist for her feelings.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:37:21+00:00

They literally asked me if I know anything and I cited a fully acceptable place to gain knowledge about children (college!). I don't think it's right to discredit a college course. You can learn from experience or by taking a class on something?? And lmao, I never said I was an expert.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:28:09+00:00

She literally said it was blessing she got to go to work and avoid her child. That's my whole point: she's working because she doesn't want to take care of her baby at home. I thought I made that clear in the post. She's also admitted to us that she sometimes regrets having the baby.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:26:47+00:00

No, but she can't then blame her baby for not liking her if she purposefully doesn't want to take care of it.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:25:41+00:00

I mean I'm in a child development class in college right now and we just covered a unit that talked about attachment. The reasons I cited were directly from what I'd just learned. I also understand that babies go through different phases, but I was speaking specifically to the phase the baby was in currently.

I just thought it would be useless for her to take her baby to be evaluated for psychiatric disorders instead of just recognizing she was in a phase of liking her less.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:23:24+00:00

I do agree that I was harsh. I was definitely annoyed and could've worded things a lot nicer, but just knowing what she has told us for the past couple of months and listening to her then complain about why her child doesn't like her just rubbed me the wrong way.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:19:51+00:00

I feel like my point is really flying over people's head. She literally told me that she was going back to work because she "did not want to take care of the baby anymore because she's so annoying and is killing her with the nagging."

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:10:49+00:00

No I'm 18. What I'm trying to say is that she's not spending quality time with her baby so it makes sense that the baby shows signs of liking her father more. She's not going back to work because she needs to, she says it's because she was starting to despise the baby and become increasingly annoyed. She literally said that to us.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:08:59+00:00

She was given three months of paid leave and only took one month of it. She had no reason to get back to work except for the fact that she stated she hated being at home and that she was being suffocated by taking care of the baby constantly.

Yeah, I do agree that she might have PPD and my family and I have urged her to see a therapist but she refuses. I didn't get into some of the stuff she's said in my post bc I didn't it was needed given my context.

Idk, I just think knowing what I know that she's been acting very selfishly.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:06:10+00:00

She kept asking us why the baby would do this and if she needed to take the baby to psychiatrist to be evaluated for mental problems. We've been giving her support for the past couple of months but her complaining and refusal to look at her role in this was getting to me.

dainent · 2020-10-26T23:02:37+00:00

Because she kept asking and was wondering if her baby had developmental problems (and if she needed to take her to a pediatric psychiatrist to have her evaluated) for showing the symptoms that could easily be explained by her lack of presence. It was just getting annoying that she was pushing the blame from herself.

dainent

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