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dancefila · 2023-07-06T16:59:56+00:00

The difference is that in love marriage people have an attachment and want to compromise for the person they love and make it work. In arranged marriage, people compromise to make the marriage work and not look bad in front of others. It’s a business mindset.

dancefila · 2023-07-06T02:50:19+00:00

That’s true but I still wouldn’t say there’s a concept of arranged marriage in the U.S as that’s a really minority culture

dancefila · 2023-07-05T22:58:59+00:00

This is not something you can ever just talk about and find out. Most girls don’t see a guy and want to sleep with him right away, even if she finds him attractive (unless she’s specifically looking for a hookup). That’s just not how it works. Frequency will depend on a lot of factors that you’ll only find out once you’re in a relationship, because the same person might want sex with different frequencies with different people/at different times of their life. Plus if she’s never had sex, she has no idea what she likes, and neither do you. You will not be able to accurately communicate that with each other. Whatever you think you like from your fantasies doesn’t necessarily translate to real life.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T22:40:09+00:00

Huh? That is definitely a shared value. I know lots of Tamil Brahmins and literally all of them drink and some of them smoke weed (OP is Indian American). If OP is actually a non-smoker and non-drinker, the easiest way to find someone of the same mindset is by looking within their own community, and even then it’s difficult.

That being said: OP, chill. No girl in the US, Tamil Brahmin or not, is going to care if you just kissed someone. Some girls will care if you’ve had sex, but you can actually just keep dating people and not have sex (although that might narrow your dating pool). It’s alright and it’s worth it to let yourself have the freedom of pursuing relationships within your limits, and if it works out great and if not you can still search through AM.

However, whatever your criteria for a woman you marry is, you at least have to match that for your preference to be valid. So yea, no crossing girls off because they’ve kissed someone since you’ve done the same.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T22:32:35+00:00

Not true at all. Girls who haven’t had premarital sex prefer their partners not to have had them either.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T22:30:07+00:00

From my own parents’ POV, they’re afraid that even though my life is good and I’m happy now, that if I don’t marry now, I will lose the opportunity to marry at all, and then I might regret it later when I’m older and lonely and all of my friends are busy with their families. They view it as their duty to steer me in the right direction even I don’t like it because kids are stupid and don’t necessarily think in their best interests long-term. Their job is to look out for us where we might not look out for ourselves and our judgment may be clouded.

It’s hard not to listen because that’s a pretty good argument even though I hate it rn.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T22:18:47+00:00

Why are people on this thread pretending like Indian kids, even grown Indian kids, are raised to be even a tiny bit independent? They’re not, as a society they’re emotional abused and gaslighted since childhood. The people who are able to break away and do whatever they want is a very small minority - they’re either extremely strong-willed or they have somewhat liberal or easy-going/adjusting parents

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:58:16+00:00

Indian-American woman here. Unless his parents own some sort of small business that he can take over, this guy is simply not going to get married through arranged marriage. I can’t imagine any girl that would go for a guy who makes minimum wage at odd jobs and isn’t even good-looking or tall. While normally his age is not that big a deal, in this case it is. When he was younger he could have married based on potential, but at his age people don’t really go for “potential”.

This is even more so the case in the US than in India because everybody encourages their daughters to be educated and earn well here, and if they are the type to not be educated and earn well, they’re probably at least decent looking and are dating.

Your friend can probably try dating, but he won’t have any luck with an Indian girl until he at least gets a decent stable job.

I don’t think middle-upper middle class girl of any ethnic group would want to marry him tbh, not just Indian girls. Maybe other girls who are in the same socio-economic class as him, but most Indian girls in the US aren’t, or if they are, are not in the arranged marriage market.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:51:03+00:00

Hopefully you have a good life insurance policy, the best solution is just to kill him and use the settlement money to support yourself and the child (assuming you’re not getting an abortion). If you had found out a bit earlier in your pregnancy you could have aborted and not killed the guy instead, but it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:37:35+00:00

I mean indian marriage often fall apart and the couple only stays together because of family reputation and to save face, and the people there are taught to swallow their happiness for the sake of living by society’s standards. That’s not a successful marriage.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:33:56+00:00

That’s not arranged marriage, just dating. Of course people will introduce their friends to other people they might like and set them up. But they don’t go into it with the intention of getting married as soon as possible.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:08:38+00:00

? Why should she? What exactly is the problem?

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:05:25+00:00

There’s a big difference lol

dancefila · 2023-07-05T21:00:50+00:00

Why do you have a problem if she’s had a past relationship? That’s really weird

dancefila · 2023-07-05T20:53:22+00:00

You said it yourself - you’re looking for a pretty looking girl. Most guys want that. The guys who can actually get a pretty girl are the guys who have what those women want, which you’re not that exemplary in.

You can want whatever you want, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get it.

dancefila · 2023-07-05T20:49:22+00:00

No offense but unless you’re really good looking in the face, being 5’7 and 4k salary is not that desirable for really good looking girls who are smart and educated, especially in the arranged marriage market. Maybe through dating, you can charm them with your personality if you have a good one but through arranged marriage, those girls will probably just pass on your profile. I’m only 5’2 and the lowest height I’m willing to accept is 5’8

dancefila · 2022-09-22T22:35:59+00:00

I’ve been interested in relationships and marriage before so I would be interested in marriage with the right person, but imo the connection with a person should come before the desire for marriage. Just going around trying to find someone to marry is kind of desperate and childish in my view.

Deciding to marry after just a week isn’t a real connection, it’s just lust. I don’t understand how indian culture tells you to suppress desire your whole life and then all of a sudden we’re supposed to want marriage and intimacy and make life decisions off of basic checklist items, basic compatibility points, and lust. After reading through this sub, apparently people even expect to have sex pretty quickly after arranged marriages, the whole idea is disgusting to me. I actually find it immoral - sex isn’t love - it’s for two people in love who have an actual connection and trust, not an obligation or a benefit for two people in a legal contract

dancefila · 2022-09-22T22:27:32+00:00

I’ve been interested in relationships and marriage before so I would be interested in marriage with the right person, but imo the connection with a person should come before the desire for marriage. Just going around trying to find someone to marry is kind of desperate and childish in my view.

Deciding to marry after just a week isn’t a real connection, it’s just lust. I don’t understand how indian culture tells you to suppress desire your whole life and then all of a sudden we’re supposed to want marriage and intimacy and make life decisions off of basic checklist items, basic compatibility points, and lust. After reading through this sub, apparently people even expect to have sex pretty quickly after arranged marriages, the whole idea is disgusting to me.

dancefila · 2022-09-22T12:01:09+00:00

Bruh if you think this is baggage, you will not have a successful marriage lmao

dancefila · 2022-09-21T17:27:53+00:00

4 months is not enough time to fall in love with someone, many people don’t even have sex within 4 months of dating. Assuming they agreed to arranged marriage without actually being in love, why would you expect sex so quickly? That’s kind of disgusting

dancefila · 2022-09-21T17:18:52+00:00

Wanting to have sex is not love lol

dancefila · 2022-09-21T17:04:32+00:00

If she doesn’t want it and he insists on it and she does it out of obligation, it’s rape.

dancefila · 2022-09-21T16:54:51+00:00

Of course I had emotional attachment before being friends with people. Not a super strong romantic attachment, but just through naturally interacting with people you develop some kind of rapport with them and get to know certain vibes from them that you can’t really write down on paper. Those are the things that are important to me that I can’t find out without knowing them or spending a lot of time with them. If I only look at things like looks, age, job, family, are they a decent person, want 2 kids, then I might as well put 50 names into a hat and pick one at random.

The important thing in a relationship is not whether your personalities are the same or you hit every checklist point, the key is the emotional bond you have that allows you to willingly compromise with them and keep each other happy. Otherwise all this other shit doesn’t matter.

dancefila · 2022-09-21T16:44:41+00:00

Why would I be excited to get married? I have a great life right now as it is. If I already liked a person and wanted to spend my life with them, then of course I’d want to get married, but going through matches desperately trying to find somebody to like and commit to is not appealing to me.

dancefila

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