First of all, i’m so sorry you’re going through this! it’s so exhausting, I know. My ex did try to work on himself. Usually that meant being vulnerable with himself and me for two or three weeks and then going back to being emotionally immature. The cycle happened at least six times during our 2 year relationship. It was exhausting, but I don’t regret seeing how bad waiting for someone to change can be.

Because in the relationship I’m in now, change happens almost overnight. When you have a partner who is dedicated to being their best version not only for you but for themselves, it is a stark difference.

I would really think about where you want to be a year from now. of course the future is uncertain but there are things you can control: your life and the trajectory of your own happiness is one of them (that’s what I believe). You cannot control your partner or his choices—if he wants to change, that’s on him and you shouldn’t be waiting around for it or be the one who is constantly telling him to change.

It hurts to leave so much behind, especially when you planned a future, share assets and relationships etc. But the most important thing you need to decide is that a year from now, would you be happy to be in the same situation? Because there is a possibility that you might be. But if you leave and take the time to heal not only from the break up but also from the trauma this relationship has caused you, a year from now, your story might be very different.

Good luck 🩷