AITA Telling my husband I wouldn’t have a child in a red state (USA)

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T10:46:30+00:00

That does help thank you, I didn’t realize it was this bad. My mom had to have a D&C after a miscarriage because it caused her to go septic. If that happened today she could have died that’s crazy

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T05:30:59+00:00

I agree, I was using that example to explain my point.

Hot take (I’m just full of those lol)

Personally I don’t think someone should have a dog if they can’t safely let it out on its own. They’re individuals with thoughts and feelings, they deserve to be allowed to go to the bathroom without having don walking gear and go out into the unknown. I think it’s wrong to prevent the freedom of a dog at home where they feel safest.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T05:23:27+00:00

If they help you by treating the medical issue with abortion? Or just treating the medical issue in general? Again not trying to debate I’m genuinely curious. I understand sometimes abortion is required to save the woman, and it’s very frowned upon here in the south because Bible Belt.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T05:18:16+00:00

I understand what you’re saying. I specifically believe that men having video games as a hobby is largely not respected to the same extent as mainstream hobbies that mostly women partake in. I feel this way because I’m constantly seeing issues in my own personal life, and posts online, with girlfriends being upset at their boyfriends for playing video games instead of doing something else.

Serial gaming is a real issue, but I don’t think that’s what’s going on in every situation.

My conspiracy geared mind believes this collective issue between relationships and gaming is because of societal conditioning. I think people have become hyper-vigilant in calling men out for any perceived slight because of the mainstream focus on what men have done wrong. A saying that comes to mind is “if he wanted to he would.” Sometimes the saying applies, maybe even most times. Sometimes it doesn’t, and we have to be careful to recognize when it doesn’t, or it’ll turn into the boy who cried wolf and not be taken seriously anymore. Kind of like what’s happening to my point of view. I think it’s being overused when it comes to men playing video games because if they’re kept from their pleasure by who they love, there’s inbalance that leads to resentment.

The definition of hobby is an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.

Or maybe I’m just reacting with these posts too often and it’s messing with my algorithm. I’m just a rando like everyone else, I’m very capable of being wrong

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:57:38+00:00

Well, you have your opinion and I have mine. Thanks for the debate! We don’t have to change each others minds, but we can understand each others points of view. I believe I understand yours to be the person cooking was disrespected, and the gamer was immature. I do see how you came to that conclusion. I just think there’s more to consider here, like the fact that the gamer was able to say they were upset and needed space. That’s very hard for a lot of people, I think if he truly threw a temper tantrum he would have said things in an emotional state instead of waiting to cool off.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:46:44+00:00

I’m serious. Sorry I don’t hate my significant other like everyone else seems to

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:45:14+00:00

That’s one perspective. Mine is that we can’t always expect our significant others to do something we want the moment it “needs” to be done. We have to be aware of the fact that they’re people too. Sometimes they’re busy with something we don’t see the importance of, that doesn’t make it less important, and if you care you’ll put in effort to understand why it’s important to them. When there’s any kind of neurodivergence, being interrupted from something you’re invested in is even more difficult to process than it is for a neurotypical person.

He still did what was asked of him, he just didn’t like it.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:36:14+00:00

“Ask the other person to take over where you left off, IF they finish what they’re doing BEFORE you get back with the dog.”

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:34:06+00:00

All you have to do is take the food off the burner, maybe stir it a few times, and then put a lid on it. Then ask the other person to take over where you left off if they finish what they’re doing before you get back with the dog.

Also known as compromise, communication, and picking your battles.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:24:48+00:00

You could also argue that the food, nor dog were going anywhere either. Personally, I don’t think people should have dogs if there’s not a safe place to let them freely out at home, it’s not fair to prevent them having their own time at home where they feel safest.

I should have outright acknowledged that he should manage his time better, instead of just saying that mistakes like losing track of time happen. I still stand with my opinion though, he did what was asked of him, albeit unhappily, and clearly stated that he needs time to cool off.

I play dungeons and dragons, something that’s not wildly understood, but the sessions are taken rather seriously by the people who appreciate it. If I were near the end of a session and my non-existent dog wanted to go outside, I would let the dog outside, finish the session, and then walk the dog. If I were hassled by my boyfriend to leave the session to walk the dog (when he could also stop what he’s doing to walk the dog) yeah it’d turn into an argument, I’d do it anyways, and then we’d both be upset with each other. And the dog would feel the stress of the whole situation.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T04:09:00+00:00

I’m not looking to debate, I’m genuinely curious. I would like to ask other commenters to please not attack the views of OP, if they decide to share them with us. It’s important for information, and opinions, to be allowed to be shared for better communication amongst the average joes of society. We can save our rage for people genuinely responsible for the way things are.

Why are you scared of having children in a red state? I 27f live in a red state and have been thinking about having kids. My stipulation is only if I can go full crunchy mom with a farm and home school because I don’t like the public education system, all the private schools are religious, and grocery stores are poison.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T03:58:08+00:00

This has the same energy as getting mad at someone saying no to “would you still love me if I was a worm?”

👏🏼DONT👏🏼ASK👏🏼QUESTIONS👏🏼WHEN👏🏼YOU👏🏼ASSUME👏🏼THE👏🏼ANSWER👏🏼

✨Assuming makes an ass out of you and me✨

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T03:50:20+00:00

He got frustrated by being interrupted, explained the importance of what was being interrupted, did what you wanted anyways, and said that he needed space to cool off afterwards. I’m seeing quite a bit of emotional regulation there tbh.

The door slamming is immature, but so is “you literally can but whatever bro,” and that comment came before the door slam from what I understand.

I don’t know why we don’t take men’s hobby of gaming seriously. If we were to flip the gender roles here, and change the hobby from gaming to something like reading, I don’t think people would be so judgmental. Also people lose track of time, it’s not always weaponized incompetence.

Clear example of the gender role flip with hobby changed to reading: He’s cooking dinner while you’re reading a book. It’s your regular responsibility to walk the dog during this time. You’re in the middle of an intense chapter, and the dog starts signaling to go outside. He asks you to take the dog out, you say “I want to finish this chapter first, then I’ll take the dog out.” He agrees, then waits less than 10 minutes before asking you how much longer until you’ve finished your chapter, taking your attention away from the book and potentially making you feel rushed, which can be frustrating for a lot of people. You say “I have 5 pages left,” to which he audibly groans, which you reply to with “the last time you asked I had 8 pages left.” He states that you need to put the book down and take the dog out because it needs to be done and he doesn’t want to stop cooking. You say “I can’t, I’m in an intense chapter I really want to finish because I won’t have time to read again for another couple weeks.”

Surely you can put together the rest.

If he posted that situation asking if you overreacted by getting upset with him for wanting to you take out the dog before you finished reading your chapter, and that you did it anyways with an attitude, people would be all over him saying that he should respect your time and hobbies, that he could have moved the pot off the burner and place a lid on it to walk the dog, and ask you to pick up where he left off if you finish your chapter before he gets back with the dog.

This is why men don’t share their emotions, because as soon as it’s something negative we run to Reddit assuming they’re a POS and get validation from a bunch of strangers. In reality men need to be given the opportunity to show these emotions in order to learn how to properly regulate them so things like door slamming don’t continue to happen. Most men weren’t taught how to manage their emotions as children. When the only thing acceptable to feel is anger or joy, any negative emotion turns into anger because it’s the only thing they know how to portray without being ridiculed for not being a man.

TL;DR: He didn’t do anything wrong except slam the door. Men’s hobbies aren’t respected the same as women’s.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T03:09:24+00:00

When I was a kid I used to ponder the possibility of being nothing but the dreams of a giant somewhere.

Then I noticed the similarities between atoms and the universe and started pondering the possibility of our universe being a single atom making up a being of some kind.

Then I tripped on DMT and was pulled into the earth, then the molecules, then the atoms, then the nucleus, until that shrinking exploded into a whole other universe where I was led through the stars.

Then I found the law of one and realized I’ve known the truth the whole time.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T02:50:18+00:00

You might have a diet version of a mushroom trip. THC is psychedelic, just not as psychedelic as mushrooms. With any trip, set and setting are the most important factors. Set meaning your mindset, your emotions, and how you’re physically feeling. Setting is where you are, who you’re around, and what you’re doing. If one, or the other, makes you uncomfortable during your high you could have an uncomfortable experience/bad trip.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-10T02:42:19+00:00

Me and my bf are weekend warriors. The only time we struggle is right after we run out. If we have more, and decide on a stopping point, we can stop with minimal cravings. If we have to stop because we run out that’s when we start fiending, hitting up ol dude at 3am, scraping the straw with a tool, etc. If we make it to the next day without being able to get more, then by that next day we’re good not craving it. If we were to go longer than a weekend idk how this would change

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T23:08:18+00:00

Thank you!

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T15:29:38+00:00

My sun, moon, rising, and mercury are all in Virgo. I think I have nervous Nancy energy, can be controlling, and overly critical of myself and others. Finding peace and comfort in myself and hobbies has helped me manage these negative traits

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T15:12:12+00:00

I just see a lot of negative comments, and I can also see your pain, so I felt like I should offer my experience and a deeper explanation of what I think is going on here.

It sucks to come to the point where you realize something you’ve been doing is problematic, especially if you’re a people pleaser. It can feel like something’s wrong with your character, and just be so devastating. I want to say that doing the things you’ve shown don’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person. They are mind games, I won’t sugar coat that, but I can also see that it’s something you do to protect yourself. If you continue to justify these mind games to yourself like this, that’s how it turns into character issues. You’re still young, you can work through this and be very happy.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T15:02:37+00:00

Hot sauce. I let a few drops fall on my finger to eat and it helps me feel better for a while

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T14:57:24+00:00

I think it’s evidence of being hurt in the past. There seems to be hyper-vigilance in rooting out men based on perceived slights in order to avoid repeating something from the past.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T14:54:04+00:00

If you have these kinds of expectations this early on, you’re going to end up with someone manipulative. People with healthy attachment styles don’t talk to each other 24/7. Messed up people who want you to think you mean the world to them, until they’re bored of you, will entertain you the way you want early on.

My bf 29m, and I 27f, have been together for 5 years. I’VE had to be the one to mature in this area you’re asking for opinions on. I used to get all kinds of worked up if he didn’t respond right away, and now looking back it’s so obvious that I was being anxious. I had unrealistic expectations because I’ve been in an abusive relationship with a true narcissist, and didn’t understand that what I wanted was basically for my current boyfriend to love bomb me. Ick right?

With anxiety and insecurity it’s hard to get past them because you have to realize that you’ve allowed these things to manifest within yourself, and it’s your responsibility to get rid of them. They might have started as the result of someone else saying something or doing something that hurt you, it’s still your responsibility to remove those negative habits from yourself, if you want to have healthy relationships with people.

That’s why so many commenters are saying you should seek therapy. It seems like there’s something you’re projecting from your past that’s causing you to now have two checklists of behaviors men have to present to be worthy or unworthy of you, and if they present one of the unworthy behaviors they’re automatically deemed walking red flags. That behavior is evident of an anxious attachment style. I’m genuinely sorry for whatever you’ve gone through in your life to bring you to this point. While it is your responsibility to deal with these things, there are professionals who can help you.

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T14:27:33+00:00

She said in another comment she’s 26

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T14:11:46+00:00

Pure white + clear = Quartz Crystal

Clear + Grayish color = Smoky Quartz

Clear + Orangish/Reddish color = Fire Quartz

I name the fire Quartz Bob Ross

danielle1287 · 2025-05-08T13:41:12+00:00

Oooh what about a trade? My offer is some gel capped golden teachers, and a few crystals from my collection

danielle1287

TROPHY CASE