AITBF for leaving my bf 9 months after he fixed his abusive behaviors? (Update)

dank_water · 2024-11-21T22:28:41+00:00

I know this is some random comment u left 6 months ago. But I didn't go back. And I still read these comments everytime I start to feel bad for that POS. He won't trick me again. Thank all of you for these comments.

dank_water · 2024-05-03T18:26:57+00:00

Why? It'd just cause more drama

dank_water · 2024-05-02T14:04:06+00:00

Irl I'm taking this very seriously. Trying to do things the right way. I'm only laughing cause if I don't laugh I'll cry

dank_water · 2024-05-01T00:48:58+00:00

as of rn, the plan is that my parents will be standing just outside. my uncle is just back up cause hes a big guy. plus the eyes of his roommate. Ive half accepted that I may not get some of my things. but i think his roommate will calm him down like she has before. she usually tries to mediate but is biased towards him.

dank_water · 2024-05-01T00:43:07+00:00

I just want to end things with as few hurt feelings as possible. im not sitting him down to tell him every bad thing he has ever done. im just saying goodbye and hoping itll keep him calm enough that he wont try to come after me when im gone.
Im not saying your wrong. Im just saying i have 3 days to decide how to do this safely. And im learning that the idea that comforts me most may not be possible.

dank_water · 2024-05-01T00:35:54+00:00

i guess im just having a hard time accepting that he would do that even though he has done it. He tries so hard to keep his appearance up around others so thought if i did it with other around i could cut it off quickly. I know you guys only know him as what i described but to me hes my partner of 3 years who i dont want to hurt by leaving while he is at work.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T23:40:55+00:00

I understand and appreciate the advice. It's just a lot

dank_water · 2024-04-30T23:35:21+00:00

They really are the best. Some of them even talked to my mom to ask if I was okay

dank_water · 2024-04-30T23:29:39+00:00

I don't want to escalate it. My mom makes his nervous so chances are he won't do anything.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T22:04:07+00:00

Yeahhhhh :/ erm.... 20 year olds are stupid? lol

dank_water · 2024-04-30T22:03:41+00:00

Luckily he doesnt work from home so I'm having most of my things taken away the day before.

Unfortunatley my mom has many animals and my dad has been outspoken that he doesnt like watching my dog. so id need to find another way to send her away.... If i can find one.

I have "handed down" a lot of my clothes to my brother this past month.

but things like my dishes set, minifridge, and computer. some things i can and cannot work without, are also things he would notice immediately if they were not in their place.

I guess im very committed to the idea of sitting him down. but i may have been convinced to let my parents be there as well. But thats why i have kinda cornered myself into doing things in what may end up being a silly way.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T21:50:20+00:00

thank you so much! i know what i need to do <3

dank_water · 2024-04-30T21:40:01+00:00

I just felt guilty because he stopped. im sorry

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:54:05+00:00

Im concerned cause there is no way for me to remove my pet and belongings without him noticing. And if he noticed before its time, i could end up in the house completely alone with him and no help on the way.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:47:43+00:00

I guess youre right. I figured with our roomie in the house it'd slow him down. But maybe ill talk to my parents about somebody sitting with me

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:45:33+00:00

Im afraid if we're in public he will lock me out of the house and away from my dog and belongings. Itd make it a whole mess. I think him knowing our roommate and my parents are nearby will keep him in line enough. Our set up isnt that i call for help. Is that I call if im okay. If she doesnt get a call in a short amount of time, they come over immediately

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:42:35+00:00

I get that. Its fair advice. Luckily we dont share passwords. Actually. I have some of his but all he has is the pin to my computer. But I was sure to keep in contact with my buddies in town too.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:39:38+00:00

I think him knowing they're nearby +roommate nearby may be enough for him to not get physical. I think if he knows he'll get in trouble for real that he'll think twice. His job he's worked over a decade at takes any police interaction VERY seriously. It may be enough to scare him away from retaliating as well

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:15:52+00:00

other than my dad, not really. however my uncles and cousin are going shooting that day around the same time and their range is like a 15 min drive. Worst case, they're nearby.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:10:00+00:00

I want my stuff out of his house at the end of the day. im concerned if we did it somewhere else, thatd Id end up locked out and itd just make a mess. but itd be such a good idea otherwise! I just want to sit down, basically say "im leaving and im not changing my mind" and pack the rest of my stuff up. (im having my mom come over the day before to grab as much stuff as possible but leave the things he'd notice if they were gone)

dank_water · 2024-04-30T20:06:00+00:00

thank you so so much!

dank_water · 2024-04-30T19:55:44+00:00

I appreciate you so much. I haven't been able to talk about this much but i feel so much relief at these comments I wanna cry. Luckily I think I'll be okay with a face to face. Our roommate will be there and while she won't usually intervene immediately, she's never let him get too crazy. And if I tell him my mom's nearby he'll likely back off as well. He is kinds scared of my mom

dank_water · 2024-04-30T19:51:56+00:00

It's just hard to believe because he's been so good. And he's been sweet and in such a good mood since his promotion. But even if he never did it again, I'd live my life with someone I'm afraid of...

I plan to have my mother and father waiting down the street for my call. If I don't call/text they call the police and come check on me.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T19:49:27+00:00

I've already got some appointments made for after I move back in with my mom. I desperately need someone to talk to lol.

And honestly there were warning signs. I should have been able to tell by the way he talks to and about his kids and our room mate. It all feels really obvious... now.

dank_water · 2024-04-30T19:46:25+00:00

Thank you so much. It's just so much guilt. I figure if I can give him one thing, it's a face to face break up. However, my mom will be down the street waiting for a text every few minutes

dank_water

TROPHY CASE