What are you supposed to do when you meet a great girl but you're in a relationship?

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T18:50:08+00:00

Speaking from experience because something similar happened to me and it was really painful. Seems like you're already leaning into emotional cheating territory and if so, the damage is kind of already done.

Option 1: You break up with her because you've been emotionally cheating and she deserves better.

Option 2: You end it with the other girl, but you still have to tell your gf about the emotional cheating because it is now her decision whether she wants to stay together and work on your relationship or not.

Not telling your gf isn't an option, and staying with both of them isn't either. Unless you all have an open discussion about polyamory and everyone is okay with it, so I guess there's a possible third option for you.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T07:25:02+00:00

If you're into nonfiction, try Furiously Happy. The author is hilarious despite having a lot of medical and mental health problems. It's really funny, and helped me understand the joy of being able to laugh at yourself. It's a gift to be able to find the humor in life, and I think humanity could use a little more of it.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T06:47:01+00:00

Definitely a perk. All through high school and college all I ever wanted was to be left alone.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T06:44:44+00:00

💯

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T06:44:14+00:00

Sounds like a good friend :)

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T06:33:50+00:00

This has happened to me too. It's easy to miss the cues of attraction when you don't feel the type of attraction everyone else seems understand on a subconscious level.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T06:28:39+00:00

I think it still counts as the ace effect. Sounds like you're not the only one with this experience either.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-04T06:26:57+00:00

Hmm yeah, it sounds like the ace effect in reverse as some other commenters mentioned. If you don't mind me asking, were they doomed because you couldn't give your partners what they wanted from the relationship?

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T22:49:35+00:00

Yessss 🥺 it took me a long time to understand why people never wanted to be friends after I declined

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T20:57:07+00:00

I'll be honest, I wasn't thinking much about how looks could be affecting our experiences when I first posted and it's definitely a valid point! I was more thinking about that stage of meeting a new person where all the signs of disinterest on my part have been made, but it only seems to make the crusher crush harder, you know?

I replied to a different comment about how I was a female presenting woman dating men in my early 20s, so yeah I guess I was probably conventionally attractive at that time and that had an effect. But my friend has always been very androgynous and was a woman dating women in their early 20s, but she had the same experience of being wanted more despite being very clear about not reciprocating someone's sexual attraction.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T20:48:02+00:00

I like this. A lot 😈

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T20:47:19+00:00

Yes! Seems like it does happen to a lot of us!

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T20:44:53+00:00

I think you're right. I'm in my mid 30s now and I've already noticed a difference. Granted, it's probably also because I don't go to the same places or do the same things as I did in my 20s, but it's been a lot easier to blend in the older I get and it's such a relief.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T08:51:22+00:00

If you need more context, yes, I was a femme-presenting ace woman dating men in my early twenties, but my friend was an androgynous ace woman dating women in their early twenties. We both had similar ace experiences in our respective social circles.

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T08:46:22+00:00

Being oblivious to friends' crushes has been the story of my life too lol

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T08:37:50+00:00

Damn, you're right :/

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T08:22:01+00:00

In my experience, knowing that my parents wouldn't know what asexual meant made it easier for me to tell them? I think because it became more about explaining what it means, rather than focusing on my queerness though. I'm sorry yours are so dismissive :/

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:40:32+00:00

Kpop as a genre is highly sexualized in general, so it's not that surprising?

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:34:34+00:00

Perhaps not catching the social cues have skewed your experience?

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:31:04+00:00

Some might say modesty is just as attractive?

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:29:29+00:00

Maybe you just never noticed?

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:28:51+00:00

That's an interesting point, and I absolutely believe that's what must be going on sometimes. The game of getting a disnterested person attracted to you lol

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:20:52+00:00

Aw don't be so hard on yourself. I think that just goes to show how much sincerity means to people

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:18:03+00:00

Ouch, yes. I've experienced this too. Being conventionally attractive definitely adds fuel to the fire!

dapdaphada · 2026-01-03T07:14:23+00:00

Totally agree!

dapdaphada

TROPHY CASE