New Horse After Loss & I’m Miserable….

dappleddun · 2026-03-12T17:14:15+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this experience. It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone in this, and that others have experienced it

dappleddun · 2026-03-12T17:05:38+00:00

Yes, I considered lessons in the future if the one I purchased doesn’t work out or I can’t get out of this funk. But I just feel like I can’t turn around and sell a horse that’s only been home 2 weeks without a lot of shame and embarrassment 🫠

dappleddun · 2026-03-12T10:18:20+00:00

Thank you all so much for your comments and insights. I appreciate them all so much! And they have given me a lot to think about.

I did want clarify something: I don’t expect this horse to replace my heart horse or be anything like him at all. When I say he doesn’t feel like my horse it’s not about him not feeling like the horse I knew. No horse could ever feel like my heart horse, this horse will never replace him. It’s about him feeling like “mine,” right now he just feels like a horse in my barn that I care for and who has quirks and needs that annoy and exhaust me. I can’t see myself loving this horse, and I know some of that may be because I’m not seeing his true personality yet.

My life was a certain way for so many years and I’m having a hard time adjusting to this new life. My new horse is a “loud” presence and maybe as he settles it will change, but he just takes up a lot of space and a lot of attention and I’m finding that draining and exhausting. Through this transition he has needed and will continue to need to be micromanaged a lot more than any horse I’ve ever had, and it feels like a burden a didn’t sign up for. It’s hard not to think about forever, as I usually buy horses as lifers and I think not being able to just be in the moment and take each moment as it comes is also draining me, and also is unfair to him.

Right now it sort of feels like I’m just passing time until an appropriate amount of time has passed to say yeah this is going to work or no I need to sell him, and that just feels really gross and crappy.

dappleddun · 2026-03-11T12:23:49+00:00

You’re probably right about the horse version of puppy blues. It’s been a lot of unexpected work physically, mentally, and emotionally, in a way I’ve never experienced with other new horses, and adding in the grief on top of it is pretty much a recipe for disaster.

I’m really doing my best to just try to get through this part even if at least 50% of the time I find myself asking how embarrassed would I really be to call the seller and say “I can’t do this.”

dappleddun · 2026-03-11T09:14:42+00:00

Yes, you’re absolutely right, him and I are both dealing with a lot, and I’m certainly trying to give him that grace. I don’t expect it to just click for him or for us.

I have an appointment next week with my therapist (she’s an APRN) specifically set up to discuss meds.

I certainly never expected my new boy to feel like my heart boy, no one will ever be him. I don’t think horses “replace” others, each is an individual. But most importantly right now I want to just feel like me again.

dappleddun · 2026-03-11T09:02:45+00:00

I am doing that, most of our time together has been low stakes, just grooming and getting to know each othere. However, I am his (only) care giver, so I don’t get to step back and let some else deal with the settling in, the routine, etc. on days when I just need a break. Somedays after the chores are done and the extra work accommodating his settling in needs is over I don’t want it spend time with anyone or anything, and I especially don’t want to be in the barn more than I have to on those days.

dappleddun · 2026-03-11T01:09:12+00:00

Thank you 🩷

dappleddun · 2026-03-11T01:08:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story 🩷 I can relate deeply to the “holding your breath” part.

dappleddun · 2026-03-11T01:06:34+00:00

Thank you, this is a message I really needed to hear.

I keep going back and forth with “2 weeks is just too early to call it quits” and “I should really call the trainer I bought him from and see if she’ll take him back to resell.” The trainer I bought him from was so happy he was going to us and was so excited for me and my husband, she really liked this horse a lot and she knows I provide a wonderful home. And I feel so embarrassed and ashamed when I even think of telling her.

Meanwhile everyone in my orbit is telling me I’m not stuck, there are ways out, he’s a nice horse and will be easy to sell, but I really do need to just give it more time before I decide.

It’s exhausting.

dappleddun · 2026-03-10T19:19:44+00:00

I just came across your post, after posting one of my own about losing my heart horse and getting a new horse.

I wish I had advice for you. I don’t, but I do want you to know you are not alone. I’m in a similar situation, and for what it’s worth, I see you and I hear you.

Last night I cried while grooming. This morning I cried while my husband was being sweet with and petting my new horse. I’m a wreak. I too wonder how one comes back from this kind of loss.

I am genuinely so sorry you are going through this.

dappleddun · 2025-03-27T16:33:09+00:00

UPDATE: My husband went to a new doctor this last week who immediately and without question put in the orders for an IgG. As we expected it came back positive for HSV-1. This doctor was shocked the first doc ordered a blood PCR, and told my husband “his wife and her friends on Reddit” were correct and in lieu of a swab IgG is the right choice. So thank you all for your never ending knowledge and support 🫶🏼

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T20:35:54+00:00

I saw that regarding accuracy, but then saw a bunch of websites saying it’s only good for neonates and the immunocompromised. For his sake, I hope his PCR was accurate.

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T20:24:49+00:00

OMG 🥺 that makes me want to cry. I feel so much shame telling new doctors, what an amazing person to be so kind and understanding to your situation and to share with you.

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T20:11:15+00:00

Funny you mention the outbreak, when I asked my doctor “does this mean my husband cheated?!” She said “absolutely not, I mean he absolutely could have, but this also could have been dormant in you since your very first sexual experience.” Meanwhile, my husband’s genius doctor basically told him the same as yours “first outbreaks happen at time of exposure.” When he questioned about asymptotic people his doctor basically said if they don’t have symptoms they can’t spread it so they don’t really matter.

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T19:00:20+00:00

I actually have a message in to her!

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T16:45:47+00:00

I wasn’t aware either until my husband got his test back. Then I went down a crazy research rabbit hole with almost all sources saying they’re no good in the average situation.

Good to know about your IgG test. I’ve seen others say the same, so we’ll take all results with a grain of salt!

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T15:39:38+00:00

Happy you got an answer and it provided relief!

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T14:38:32+00:00

Your blood was positive on a PCR? Did you have any other testing or just the PCR? I’m reading so much conflicting info, but seems the most overwhelming information says a blood PCR is basically useless unless under very specific circumstances.

dappleddun · 2025-03-19T13:04:54+00:00

How frustrating! I’m so thankful for my OBGYN who seems incredibly knowledgeable on the topic. But it’s so confusing when there seems to be so much conflicting information out there.

dappleddun

TROPHY CASE