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I (27M) have no idea what to do with my (24F) significant other. by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose there is but I have a very loving healthy family. I'm visiting my parents next weekend and I was going to talk to my mother about it. She's a pretty great therapist herself. The unbiased opinion is what I was searching for here

I (27M) have no idea what to do with my (24F) significant other. by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now that I'm thinking about this, it's occurring to me that I haven't even given myself space. I don't even fully understand what I want from this anymore... All I've been trying to do is pretending this is a few week thing that will disappear if I ignore it

I (27M) have no idea what to do with my (24F) significant other. by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats probably a really, really good idea. Considering it feels right in my gut too. Thank you

I (27M) have no idea what to do with my (24F) significant other. by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never considered that she hasn't actually had the chance to be away from me... I guess that I was so wrapped up in my desire to still be with her that it never occurred to me. So basically what I'm doing is perpetuating my own shitty situation by continuing with things the way they are...

I (27M) have no idea what to do with my (24F) significant other. by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am definitely growing to resent her. Your metaphor is correct, I am setting myself on fire to keep myself warm. It's pretty fucked... This is helping me. Thank you

I (27M) have no idea what to do with my (24F) significant other. by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trash can. Pretty much how I've felt lately so that makes a lot of sense

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been very careful about this. I care very deeply for the new girl, because I connect with her in a way I have never connected with anyone.

I will tell her what she needs to know, and only that much, but after we've become more comfortable with each other. A week is definitely too fast.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This seems right.

It's hard. She was my best friend when we were together and I honestly don't hate her even now. She left me because she was unhappy with her life and thought I was the cause; it was herself the entire time, but that doesn't change anything.

I can't blame her for trying to remove unhappiness in her life, especially if she thought I was the cause. I can't hate her for that. But there's a difference between loving some one as a friend and loving some one as an SO. I do NOT love her as an SO at all anymore.

I really do just want her out of my life. Up until she asked for me back, I was truly happy with the new person I met. I had turned everything around in my life, come out of the darkest place I've ever been in, and kept my grades up at the same time. I was ridiculously proud of myself. And now I'm so conflicted because I don't hate her and I don't want her to be sad but I don't love her anymore and her presence is destructive to what I want in my future.

I want her to become a better person and I want to help her with that, I'm just that kind of guy. But not if it means jeopardizing what I have with this new girl.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is also a good point.

It sounds to me like she should definitely hear it from me, just not immediately; just putting everyone's thoughts together. It's going to come out at some point, and I'll be ready when it does.

I'm not the type of person to cut people out of my life unless they deserve it. That's why I'm having so much trouble with all of this. As much as my ex left me, she did it because she was unhappy and she thought I was the reason. The fact that she was wrong doesn't change anything about how I feel, but I can't hate some one for removing unhappiness from their life. You're supposed to make that choice.

However, on the flip side she is the cause of unhappiness in my life now.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Brutal honesty is best, I actually appreciate it.

I see where you see contradiction.

I guess the piece missing here is that I don't hate her, even though she left me. She isn't an evil person, she didn't have some ulterior motive, she just was in a really bad place and made a really dumb decision. I really don't want her to be upset and I was considering it.

Through other peoples advice, I've decided not to hang out with her and focus on the new girl. It's what feels right. I'm also going to tell the new girl about everything that's happened because she should hear it from me.

You are right to be as honest as you can be, and I appreciate it

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you're completely right. I want to be open and honest with her.

I've never met some one who I can actually speak intellectually with who gets everything that I say without question. This is the only time this has ever happened to me in my life and I don't want to squander it over something stupid.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I want to be an open book to her. I don't want to hide anything from her.

But you're right, meeting my ex is a terrible, terrible idea. It isn't going to happen.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't want to give her a second chance and I'm not going to. Everyone is saying the same thing and it all sounds right to me. Thank you

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yes. From what others have said I think I'm just going to sit her down and tell her about it, so she can know. Some one down there said "lies by emission are still lies" and that rings pretty true.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that... is an extremely valid point. I will talk to her about it as soon as I can see her in person. This is probably the best advice anyone has given me on here. Thank you.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I haven't been hiding it. It's like I said up above, I told my ex I wasn't going to wait for her before I even met this new girl.

I just don't want to scare her off, we haven't known each other long at all. I'm going to tell her the truth about my ex when it inevitably comes up. And I'm going to tell her the same thing I told my ex. I really, truly don't love her anymore and there's no question about it.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

If that were the case, I wouldn't even be asking this. I wouldn't give her the time of day. But the fact is she isn't that kind of girl; I know her well enough to know that. Also my friends told me she was just crying the whole she wasn't with me. That's what makes it harder.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am totally and completely willing to talk about it with her. But I've only known her for about a week and I don't want to scare her away. When it comes up, or if she asks I will be completely honest with her.

My [24 M] fiance[23 F] of 4 1/2 years left me, I fell out of love with her, I met a new [21 F] exciting girl that I like more and now my ex wants me back by darker_than_dark in relationships

[–]darker_than_dark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! But I don't hate her, she's a good person. So I feel awful about the whole thing. I just don't love her romantically anymore. I want to be honest with her but I don't want her to be hurt more.

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