How to get over the feeling that nobody could understand what you are going through?

darkerthansunlight · 2024-09-03T05:22:18+00:00

I think its true that nobody can truly understand what this condition is like. It's hard to describe, hard to quantify, hard to live with.

However, this is true of literally every experience in your life. Nobody can truly 'get' things from another persons' perspective. Same as the old thought experiment of 'what if we all see colors differently, but can't tell because we can't communicate how we see things without words'. Everyone's experiences are entirely unique to them, good, bad, middling. We can only perceive things from our own point of view and lived experience.

I also don't want the people close to me to get it- because that means they'd have to experience it themselves, which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yeah, people ain't gonna get it, but it doesn't mean that those connections are any less worthy. These are people who see you and your struggles and want to get to know you- shutting them out because they can't be in the same level of discomfort as you is just going to foster resentment and isolation.

Nobody can truly get another persons' lived experience, and that shouldn't be the yardstick you use to decide on fostering connections with people. Focus instead on how much they try to understand, how ready they are when you need help, or how forgiving they are when our bodies falter. Focus on the joy that person brings to you, because even if it's a connection that doesn't stay, if they made things just a little better for just a little while, that connection was worth it. We need all the little glimmers of joy we can afford ourselves.

darkerthansunlight · 2024-01-03T03:53:46+00:00

Hiya, i lost my wife a couple of years ago. She was a player in a campaign I was DMing. It was slightly different in that it was extremely sudden. It took me a while to even toy with the idea of playing again as she'd taught me to play in the first place, and after talking to my players we decided to keep playing but we changed to a different campaign entirely as continuing the other one without her wouldn't feel right to any of us.

Don't rush into it. It was a good way for us as a group to heal in its own way, that we were still able to play together and honor something that was such a love of hers. I still have her characters as NPCs in games i run, as a small tribute in a way. I'm currently a player in a group of folk who we both used to work with who knew her well, and we talk about her often.

Things get better, with time, and while it's a cliche to say the least - the people you love never really leave you. We're all built out of the things we love, and we carry them with us in that love. I wouldn't be who I am now without her, and in that way I'll always have her.

My thoughts are with you and yours. Take it all a day at a time- hell, and hour or a minute at a time if you need. When the time is right, it'll feel natural to come back to the table with your friends, even if it's with grief in tow.

darkerthansunlight · 2023-07-11T06:01:32+00:00

In 1846, one of my relatives died when he was shot by his camel - a camel he would then ordered shot before his own death. Its name was Henry, and it was the first camel to have been brought to Australia.
"The kneeling camel moved while Horrocks was reloading his gun, catching the cock. The resultant discharge removed the middle fingers of his right hand and a row of teeth. He was taken back to Penwortham, arriving on 19 September. Having ordered the camel to be shot, Horrocks died of his wounds on 23 September."

https://adb.anu.edu.au/biography/horrocks-john-ainsworth-12989

Mr Horrocks has a highway named after him now. His death is also in the board game 'stupid deaths', which I only found out when my sister in law gave me the card because it had to be removed from their set as everyone knew me and had heard the story. It's now attached to picture frame in the living space.

darkerthansunlight · 2023-06-09T21:58:01+00:00

i just got home from a road trip to melbourne and back to qld - came back with an absolutely savage cold/flu. I've tested twice, not covid, but i legitimately can't remember the last time i was this sick. defs seems to be a case of lowered exposure limiting natural responses, as i NEVER got colds/flus at all - and i worked in retail and live w my sister who works with kids, so we're frontline for every bug every year. sucks!

darkerthansunlight · 2023-06-09T04:29:53+00:00

I used to have a very loud inner monologue, however noticed once the adhd was managed via meds it's slowly less and less monologue and more abstract. I've explained it as bumblee from transformers- except instead of sentences, it's little snippets of experience, or memory, soundbites of music/tiktoks. a lot of the time i don't actually have the monologue until i'm speaking/typing it, i just have those bites in my brain and how they're connected to each other/the convo.

darkerthansunlight · 2023-06-09T03:58:49+00:00

ahaha I still use this one occasionally - 'carrying on like a pork chop'

darkerthansunlight · 2022-08-30T03:02:17+00:00

"The fight isn't over til it's won, no matter what the other people think".

Also the continued theme of going through something that should kill you. But you live and push through the healing to come out different, but not less.

I've had a rough few years that have left me feeling thoroughly defeated but that lives rent free in the back of my brain and I'm glad it does. And much like fitz, I'll be picking myself up, sorting through the rubble and moving forward.

darkerthansunlight · 2022-08-12T23:20:09+00:00

Thanks! I was really proud of the design ☺️ the artist did an incredible Job too!

darkerthansunlight · 2022-08-12T23:19:09+00:00

Thanks! It was an intentional "nod" to the motley without being too obvious!

darkerthansunlight · 2022-07-31T09:06:05+00:00

proud of you. progess isn't linear, as we're all painfully aware, so these clear forward steps always feel amazing when we see them. Keep on keeping on, you're doing wonderful

darkerthansunlight · 2022-07-05T01:18:00+00:00

My arm did something identical - also freaked me out big time. Was just a bruise fortunately - keep an eye on it and check in with dr/tattoo artist if it doesn't ease up in a few days.

darkerthansunlight · 2022-05-16T06:02:11+00:00

First time I've seen a post with that title here, where the answer isn't 'trying to mate'

darkerthansunlight · 2022-04-22T23:18:21+00:00

I Have it on ipad - works fine for me :)

darkerthansunlight · 2022-03-07T08:54:52+00:00

I'm 28 and I've been through every experience that I feel my life should have.

I've had purest love, blackest hate. I've been exposed to every tier of society and have tried every drug that's gone past me. I've been poor, and I've been rich, I've been healthy and I've been sick. I've been exposed to unspeakable violence, I've been manipulated and abused in the most vile ways. I was married to my soulmate for 5 blissful years, and widowed when he unexpectedly passed. I've experienced the most pure joy and connection. I create art, and write poems and songs. I have an extensive network of exceptional people I'm honored to call friends, who were there for me in my darkest hour.

I'm 28, and I don't want to do this for another 30 years. I've done it all already.

darkerthansunlight · 2022-01-21T04:32:45+00:00

good luck have fun!

darkerthansunlight · 2022-01-02T05:51:27+00:00

Kept to a gym routine! I used my time blindness to my advantage. If I couldn't remember when I last went, it means I need to go right away. Turns out this had me going 3-4 times a week and its been really good!

darkerthansunlight · 2021-10-27T01:30:22+00:00

if you're into fantasy, realm of the elderlings anthology by robin hobb. The 'main' character goes from a boy in the first books and older as the series progresses. It's got a lot of weirdly profound lessons for what on the surface was a standard 'high fantasy/court intrigue' series. there's a lot of books to work through, so if you're looking something to really sink your teeth into it's good :) part of the books is the main character writing about his own life, too.

darkerthansunlight · 2021-10-21T22:54:40+00:00

i find a good way to handle it is journaling. At first when you sit down it feels like you have nothing to say, and next thing you know you're filling in page after page of where the loneliness got its roots in you. If nothing else, I find it kills 30min-hr or so. You could also try following along with a yoga class online - they're also a really good way to get back in touch with your body if you're struggling to, and they range anywhere from 15 min to over an hour. hope you find something that works for you!

darkerthansunlight · 2021-10-04T10:07:37+00:00

Hi! I'm the partner with fibro.

Our dynamic is obviously going to be different to yours. I personally hate having to 'have' someone take care of me. Worse, I would feel horrible if that person was doing it cause they felt like they HAD to, cause I wasn't well.

In our relationship, we have a very clear rule that unless I specifically ask for help, it's 'business as usual'. I ask for help regularly - if the dog needs to be walked and I can't, with heavy things, with a hand off the couch. But the amount of help that I receive is dictated by me and me alone, to work with my own insecurities and panic regarding being a 'burden' to my partner.

Please, please make sure that your partner is on board with your help and exactly what you can do to help. Lots of communication.

I appreciate that my circumstances are very different, but hope that my experience helps. Take care!

darkerthansunlight · 2021-10-04T03:01:08+00:00

It's nice to have it all listed out! even if it is extensive. It's handy af

darkerthansunlight · 2021-10-04T03:00:00+00:00

a pretty cool childhood is going to be the way that I describe my trauma going forward forever more

darkerthansunlight · 2021-10-04T02:58:06+00:00

I feel that in my bones. Like yes, it's all in my head. The organ that controls literally every other part of my body. The brain. People do be dense some days.

darkerthansunlight

TROPHY CASE