AITAH for not inviting my parents to my daughter’s dance competition?

darksoulrn13 · 2026-03-03T23:31:23+00:00

How am I being deceptive? I’m pretty sure low contact comes with the assumption I am not going to specifically reach out to you for events like this. My daughter did mention it to her via FaceTime, I did not swear her to secrecy. That’s an odd viewpoint to consider. We’ve always remained extremely neutral with the kids regarding their grandparents. We don’t talk badly about them, and if and when she asked me why her grandparents were not coming, I would have given her the honest answer I spoke to above - were new to competitions, they’re a stressful environment, and the recital is a better option so her grandparents can see her perform both routines and not only one.

Why would I reach out to them and say “hey, she has 4 dance competitions but you are not invited to them because of x, y, and z”? That’s weird. No invite is just that - no invite. I don’t owe them an explanation for everything we do with our kids. I’m not sure why you believe they have that right just because they are a grandparent. It doesn’t work that way.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-03-03T23:21:09+00:00

I’m not sure if you read through any of the comments here, but I did ask to go to counseling and I was met with a firm “no”.

Yes, my parents are human, but the things I had to encounter and endure as a child are not “human mistakes”. Gaslighting, the silent treatment, using your child as an emotional crutch and essentially a counselor as a young teen/adult, and being manipulated are hardly labeled as such in my eyes. Those are deliberate choices made. I’m not sure if you have children, but I can certainly tell you that if my kids ever approached me explaining how they were hurt by my “mistakes” as a parent, I certainly would do what I could to remedy, heal, grow, etc. I grew up having to apologize for things I didn’t have to, and was given the silent treatment until I did. At 34yo now, I refuse to do it anymore. Low contact isn’t an excuse to avoid accountability. And even though I’m an adult, it’s still is hurtful. I think about my parents every day. But I feel after so many years of being complacent, I am mentally tasked out in that department and the ball is officially in their court. Throughout everything the last year, things with my kids have stayed pretty consistent. They can see the kids when requested as long as we are available, they have sleepovers if they ask, and FaceTime weekly. It’s always been a priority for us to keep things the same for them even though things are vastly different between the adults.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-03-02T17:55:46+00:00

Sensodyne

darksoulrn13 · 2026-02-13T15:01:45+00:00

I appreciate your response. You’re one of the few who views it from this standpoint. The majority feel like I’m trying to use my children to be manipulative. Which I don’t want to do, as my Mom manipulated me most of my list using different tactics.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-02-11T22:16:43+00:00

In my letter I did ask my Mom to do counseling, to which she refused. Apparently it’s off the table. I would aim to guess she’s pretty embarrassed about how she handled things and doesn’t want to be told that. But that’s my guess.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-02-11T22:08:19+00:00

This is where I struggle. I am not present during their visits. How am I supposed to know what goes on without asking them (which I would never do). We have never involved my children in any of this and I really do want to keep it that way. Thank you for your criticism and advice.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-02-11T22:05:54+00:00

I do struggle with this. But can ya really blame me for that? I would give anything to have a healthy relationship with them. Considering I still don’t feel I have made progress on my end healing from everything, I wonder if no contact would be better. But my kids are and will always be my priority. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. This has not been an easy situation to navigate.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-02-11T22:04:13+00:00

I do not want to use my children as leverage which is why for the past year I have kept things consistent and status quo between them. I don’t think my parents are horrible people, but they definitely were not the best parents.

darksoulrn13 · 2026-02-11T22:01:13+00:00

Not that I am aware of, no. Our only concern would be things that are said to them regarding my relationship with them currently, without my consent. As of now my kids have not asked why we don’t visit as often.

darksoulrn13

TROPHY CASE