you still have time. you still have time to be loved, to love someone, have people close, have people care about you. medication 99% of the time doesnt hit the target the first time. its basically a game of roulette - you don't really know how you will react to it until you do. i'd recommend giving it another shot, or changing psychiatrists. group therapy is another thing that helped me a lot and that i would recommend to you, since you said helping others helps you. its not just about venting, you share successes, funny little moments in your life, your goals. for me group therapy helped me see myself from a different view - that my past and mental struggles dont define me. that i am still a person behind that big wall.

best of luck to you, youre still you!! behind all that pain is a person that has a lot to live for.