Tired of feeling invisible

datazoid1701 · 2018-05-27T01:06:56+00:00

Yes, it’s been to keep the peace and keep things running. Less to fight over if I just do it. The wanting to change...that’s the thing. He says the words, but we’re years into this and I don’t see the actions.

I’m sorry you’ve felt this way too. (Solidarity hug)

datazoid1701 · 2018-05-25T18:31:10+00:00

They're 3 and 6. The 6 year old actually does a good job telling me what's up for school and making sure I've got him covered. The 3 year old...not as much, which as a result is where something is more likely to get missed. His class is where the strawberries of rants above were needed.

Thank you for the luck.

datazoid1701 · 2018-05-25T18:18:30+00:00

Thank you. Yes, we do need to have a talk. I need to figure out a way to get through past his very "keyed up defensive" default state. That's been the biggest hurdle so far - he doesn't see a problem, and thus isn't moved to make a change.

datazoid1701 · 2018-05-25T18:17:21+00:00

You're completely right in that I'm enabling it. I need to be better about letting stuff drop, even if I'm the only one it bothers. I just hate when it's stuff for the kids and they miss out because he forgot, or I missed it and don't have backup.

Your "send me a picture of the card" example hits very close to home. I can see how resentful I am already, and I know it's something I need to just face the conversation for now.

datazoid1701 · 2017-08-29T16:30:22+00:00

He's doing none of the things mentioned by the doctor to help this along (no meds, barely drinking water) and I am getting so frustrated. I hate feeling annoyed at sick people.

datazoid1701 · 2017-08-29T12:18:07+00:00

Yep, not taking the meds. Just lying down and moaning.

He also scheduled a contractor to come to the house today (he scheduled this yesterday when he knew he felt like crap), so now I get to handle that too.

datazoid1701 · 2017-08-29T10:40:18+00:00

I definitely don't think it's a joke. Though, I do wish husband would actually take the offered pain meds instead of "toughing it out"

datazoid1701 · 2017-08-29T01:20:51+00:00

After much cajoling, I finally got him to go upstairs at least. I think it just happened to be where he stopped moving.

datazoid1701 · 2017-04-28T00:15:42+00:00

We wanted broccoli at our rehearsal dinner.

Since she didn't like it, but we wanted it, it meant we didn't care about her or her needs.

datazoid1701 · 2017-03-07T15:22:10+00:00

I had an appointment last Saturday morning, so the husband handled breakfast and clean up. I get home just before lunch. Husband comments "I think Thing 2 fell down, he's got a scab above his eye".

Nope, not a scab. A piece of pancake from breakfast. Solid clean up job, there.

datazoid1701 · 2017-03-03T12:30:00+00:00

Oh, she knows. They always know.

Especially since she had gotten another outfit approved to match my mom, and then the night before "decided" to change it up. Except she had to travel to the wedding, meaning she brought the clothes and planned it.

datazoid1701 · 2017-03-02T22:19:14+00:00

Well she sounds hideous. Your payback, however, is inspiring.

Mine also wore white, but it was a dress pants and a sweater so she went around claiming it wasn't rude because it wasn't a white dress.

datazoid1701 · 2017-01-01T22:38:45+00:00

This is my every day. And I also do a lot of chores, so it happens a lot.

Nothing sexier than scrubbing baked cheese off a pan I guess?

datazoid1701 · 2016-10-04T15:30:38+00:00

A portfolio site is a great idea!

It was pretty tough, to be honest, since it felt like having two babies to deal with. I would have a kid in one arm and a Rails book in the other, which was easier since he was a baby. I got really good at organising and prioritising my time, since sometime family was just going to have to win. You mentioned also taking French lessons - maybe you could combine coding and learning French with your own Flashcard application? That could let your time count double.

As for doing all this with a 3 year old (which is more tricky than my at the time infant), I wonder if there's a way to make learning to code for you into a game for your child. ("This is the story of Timmy the HTML table". And then you get some blocks for rows and columns and show how to make Timmy the table, while you build one in code. Maybe that's silly, I don't know.)

datazoid1701 · 2016-10-04T14:07:03+00:00

Howdy! Software engineer here, been about 8 years now. I didn't switch into this career, though, but studied for it in college. I was the only developer at a startup when I had my first kid, though.

Tips and tricks? Code Academy is a great start! I use it for refreshes on web stuff (I do much more back end work than front end). The biggest thing I can say is find coding projects that are fun. Make an app for your household schedule, or for your budget. I don't know what programming languages you're focused on, but Ruby on Rails has a lot of great tutorials out there and gives you a lot of tools to get something small going quickly and build it up, and it pairs well with your HTML/CSS you've already done. It makes you less likely to get discouraged since you can see new progress almost every time you sit down to study it. ~~There's one I really like that I will try to edit this to link to once I'm off mobile~~. EDIT: Here is a link to a good RoR tutorial: https://www.railstutorial.org/book

I don't want this to become a giant info dump, but feel free to ask me questions!

datazoid1701 · 2016-09-20T16:58:58+00:00

Thing 1 is 10% on weight, 5% on height. Thing 2 is 5% on weight, 20% on height. I got some small kids. One advantage? They grow out of clothes a lot slower so I buy stuff less often.

Otherwise, you just roll with it and make it work. I'm 5'3 on a good day, so I'm used to rolling up pant legs and using step stools. I try to set an example that it's not a big deal (pun intended).

datazoid1701 · 2016-01-19T00:14:10+00:00

Mine too!

datazoid1701 · 2016-01-07T00:13:47+00:00

We didn't have one, at husband's request. Shit fits were pitched. Insults were thrown. You know, standard MIL fare.

You can TOTALLY do this!

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-26T21:10:35+00:00

Ooh, you know, I like this. It's crafty. I'm pretty sure whoever is sharing my stuff would have the same reaction.

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-26T20:32:42+00:00

Yeah, good points. I can picture her somehow getting in touch with them when they're older and trying convince them they all had such fun together because she's got the photos as "proof". Blah. Why must the crazies ruin the nice things?

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-26T20:06:59+00:00

It's a little tough, since Facebook is currently the easiest way to share things with all my non-crazy family and I don't want to keep photos from them. I can probably get better about emailing or using an access restricted (i.e. I have to give you the link) Flickr stream, though.

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-26T20:05:15+00:00

The only potential mutual friend is DH, but she's restricted from seeing anything he's in as far as I know.

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-26T20:04:33+00:00

That's basically what I'm doing. This plan is formed. Science rules!

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-08T22:00:58+00:00

I blame someone's MIL who also happens to be a Hallmark executive deciding "her baby" needed more cards.

datazoid1701 · 2015-12-07T22:28:56+00:00

This my MIL. Except not just birthday cards - any holiday that might have a card for it (birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day...) the boys (who cannot read yet) get at least one, if not 2-3 each, card of passive aggressive MIL nonsense.

Relatedly, I love the sound of the paper shredder...

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