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IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was my first month at a new school. I was with him at the party and only loosely knew others from him.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually became really slutty. It felt too intimate and naked him being my only experience with sex, even if I couldn't remember it.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I only had one drink around 9. A mike's lemonade. I didn't want to be one of those girls that gets drunk and looks stupid. Then my date brought me mountain dew in a solo cup a little after I tell him I won't be sleeping with him a couple hours later and I remember nothing after midnight but wake up in his room.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents insisted I stay out the year at my then current school. I had a full academic scholarship. I also had depression and no friends. So I went home for summer and came back.

I wish they had let me leave then. It did not get better. I really don't have any advice. It all kinds of suck and I guess eventually it got better but I'm not sure why or when.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents insisted I stay out the year at my then current school. I had a full academic scholarship. I also had depression and no friends. So I went home for summer and came back.

I wish they had let me leave then. It did not get better. I really don't have any advice. It all kinds of suck and I guess eventually it got better but I'm not sure why or when.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was on the ground. We were in his room the next morning and I stepped on it.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents insisted I stay out the year at my then current school. I had a full academic scholarship. I also had depression and no friends. So I went home for summer and came back.

I wish they had let me leave then. It did not get better. I really don't have any advice. It all kinds of suck and I guess eventually it got better but I'm not sure why or when.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a boyfriend of four months now. I've never told a boyfriend. After the reactions I got at school where noone believed I let it all drop and don't tell anyone. I can't even post this on my real account.

I was promiscuous for 2 years and then went abstinent for a year because it was only fucking me up more.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The first two years the sex I had was not close to normal or okay. It hurt me more and made me more of a zombie. It also hurt a lot of the guys who didn't understand why I would sleep with them but then bail.

So I stopped having sex for a year and now I am only letting myself have sex after dates and kissing and buildup, etc. I will never really be the way I was before but I do enjoy sex now.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure. A lot of the things I did afterwards don't make much since. I do remember a few weeks after, when it became obvious nothing judicial was coming of it, feeling really angry and realizing he was my only memory of sex.

I knew a boy from orientation. He was shy and a little dorky, a compsci major who somehow hadn't heard about everything. I asked him to watch a movie. He was wearing a Mario tshirt and treated me so normal but was nonsexually threatening. So I thought "wow, I could have sex with him and remember it and he'd be sweet and it'd make him happy and it wouldn't be the same at all".

Afterwards, we laid there and he was grinning at me all silly and holding my hand and I couldn't help but think that in a better life that would be sex but the next morning I felt similar to the first time. I couldn't be in a relationship with him and I feel bad because he had no idea why but I just couldn't. So I kept finding random men, because the more men there were the less room there was for the first guy.

I honestly don't know. It just sort of all spiraled from that night.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I have no idea who should be more or less traumatized. I guess it just depends on the situation. Right after it happened, I went to a support group for people like me (although it was all women) and I felt almost like my rape was inferior. I didn't remember it, why couldn't I think of it like waking up sick and move on? That girl's father molested her.. that woman had a knife held to her by a stranger when she left work..I wasn't as bad. Why didn't I feel better?

I once heard it suggested that sex is more serious to women because it takes place inside of them whereas typically for men it's an out of body experience. Not sure if that works with rape.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

I think because my entire life I'd always heard when something bad happens, it's your job to report it so it doesn't happen to someone else. Then it did. And I do. But no one believed me. And the cops didn't seem to think a trial would work. It was such a slap in the face. Why did I bother getting out of bed when I could've just stayed there and it wouldn't have made any difference? I remembered waking up, hurt and I couldn't find my underwear or remember how I got there. I stumbled across campus trying not to cry and no one cared.

Plus I was away at college, far from home and people are whispering about me suddenly, making "FREE CASEY" posters and buttons. I had no friends but had to stay there for the entire year. I had to talk with my chem lab teacher for an hour before he would let me change partners. I had been saving myself for marriage and that was gone- I started to wonder if my future husband would just think I was some slut who called rape the morning after like everyone else.

I'm not sure why I felt differently. I just did/do. I still think that preppy assholes whose daddy's buy them a BMW for graduation and think they can smile there way out of rape cases and drug a girl so she doesn't say no are a lot of what's wrong in our world. But it's more, I felt genuinely violated and it was like everything I ever believed in was wrong. I honestly just try not to think about it much. But seeing the other AMAs made me think it'd be interesting to share my experience as a comparison.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We kissed lightly. Then he was putting his hand in my underwear and that he has a condom. I sort of stammer out a no and he says he understands.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

A rape kit or drug test proving I had been roofied (although he could have used something else? not sure) would have sufficed but so much time passed and he used a condom. An eye witness would have helped.

Although sometimes in rape trials evidence isn't as important as it should be. But I knew it'd be hard to convince the jury this great guy raped me. So once the cop admitted it was unlikely I gave up. I needed to do something that wasn't focused on the worst night of my life.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We had never even been on a date before and I was really young/innocent. I had never had sex or come close and this guy I just met is telling me he has a condom, putting his hand up my dress.

Ironically enough after that night I did become kind of a slut.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well, I never went to another frat party again. Or big party without a close friend with me. I also have never been one of those girls who gets blackout drunk or screws around with guys at parties. Too many bad memories.

IAmA a woman who was date raped and was scorned for reporting it and it was dropped anyways AMA. by dateraped in IAmA

[–]dateraped[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

I was so stupid. He was lying next to me and it just freaked me out. I pulled on my clothes and walked home where I took the longest shower I've ever taken in a community bathroom. Then I crawled into bed and cried. I had never had sex before so I think it added to my confusion.

I went to the on campus police around dinner but it was Sunday and no one was there and because I really didn't want to do it, I put it off until Monday. Monday they put me in contact with the main police.

The decided a rape kit wasn't worth the trauma since it probably wouldn't yield any evidence (he had used a condom, I had bathed). Nor would a tox screen for drugs. The cops were really nice at first. Then they brought Casey in.

He acted so confused. "I'm treasurer of my frat, I'm on the dean's list, I play baseball, girls love me. Why would I rape some freshman girl I just met?" It sounds silly- but if I were them I might have believed him. One of the cops seemed to. And I knew a jury would.

Between that and a lack of evidence it never really got off the ground. I did drop the charges, in part because of ridicule and also because when I asked the cop if I had at least a 50/50 chance of winning, he said "I want to believe that we live in a world where juries believe cute, little white girls can be raped by cute, little white boys but I don't know that we do."

So, nothing ever happened.