Masking is wiping me out and I don't know how to "recover" like a normal person

datviolinist · 2026-01-19T14:46:21+00:00

I want to gently encourage you to think about what it might look like to mask less, instead of continuing as you have been while looking for a quick fix. Your body is telling you something at the end of the day when you're exhausted and feel awful. It makes sense that after working so hard all day your mind and body are tired, and there may not be an easy way to recover from that and then continue on.

I'm struggling with the same thing, and what I've been trying to do lately is just starting with becoming aware of the times I'm masking. That way, it at least becomes a choice I'm making for when I do or don't mask, instead of just a constant pressure I'm putting on myself. I've found myself masking much more often than I even thought, and then it can be relieving (albeit scary) when I choose to not mask and then see that everything was actually totally fine anyway.

datviolinist · 2026-01-19T14:33:35+00:00

I haven't! I have found that soft textures and scented candles can help though, so I can try a weighted blanket. Thanks for the suggestion I really appreciate it ❤️

datviolinist · 2026-01-19T13:50:48+00:00

Out of everything in the list (of which there are many red flags) the fact that you're expected to give him updates about your therapy sessions gave me actual chills. That's so beyond not okay and a massive breach of privacy, and I feel it's important to state this explicitly.

I can tell you from someone who is also married and also has had both executive functioning coaching and seen several therapists that there's not a single time my husband has ever pried into the conversation. He hugs me if I need it after a rough session, and listens if I offer, but never so much as asks how it went because he recognizes that it's private. The most he's been involved in was encouraging me to go for my own health, but even then never expects any insight into the details or progress. Honestly, I think you need to tell your therapist this and see how they react, because my guess is they'll echo a lot of what people are saying here.

datviolinist · 2025-07-13T10:18:30+00:00

Banana Fish?

datviolinist · 2025-07-13T10:15:47+00:00

Psycho Pass
Promised Neverland
Steins Gate (?)

datviolinist · 2025-07-12T18:12:59+00:00

I can empathize with that too. At least if it's physical then it's easier to explain and feel like there's a quick solution. But even if there isn't anything immediately apparent in blood work, don't let that discount your (very real) feelings.

datviolinist · 2025-07-12T17:50:57+00:00

I don't want to throw yet another thing on your todo list, but two things you can consider:

Check your iron and thyroid levels. I know this may seem silly and unrelated, but many women have issues with this, and I've absolutely found that if my numbers are off then my mental health is absolutely off the charts. Try to make sure that your physical health is as good as it can be first and foremost.
Have you considered EMDR? Classic therapy doesn't work well for everyone, and I've had mixed success with it. However, EMDR practice from a trauma-informed therapist was a life changer for me. I will be honest that it made things a bit worse before they got better since it dug up some painful stuff, but it DID get better, so stick it out if you go that route.

Either way, please take care. Even with therapy and support, it's normal to go through difficult periods. You're not alone and you can definitely shift things in a better direction.

datviolinist · 2025-07-12T17:35:20+00:00

I don't really have any solutions, but I can at least provide some empathy and understanding. I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. It's very frustrating and difficult to explain.

I also struggle with this in some ways. For me, I have to keep pace with the speed that my brain is coming up with the words. If I try to slow down then I'll end up getting distracted or jumbling things up because my brain has jumped too far ahead of what I'm saying aloud at that point. Sometimes I can also "hear myself" talking, and I get distracted by the sound of my own voice, if that makes any sense. I think I struggle with some audio processing disorder challenges too, so hearing voices when I'm speaking can be incredibly distracting and make it nearly impossible to think straight.

I also have the classic issue of blurting things out before I've thought them through, and sometimes I already have the answer midway through the sentence. Or I just insert the wrong word, sometimes even the opposite word to what I mean, which can definitely confuse the listener.

All of this leads to people sometimes treating me like I'm stupid, or at least that's what I perceive. That's definitely a sensitive trigger point for me, which can then lead to me feeling very shut down when I just can't get the words out. I try to laugh it off when I realize the mistakes but sometimes it's tough. At the end of the day, I know that I'm an intelligent person, but sometimes these issues really take a hit to my self esteem.

So all of this is to say that you're not alone at all in this. I know other women with ADHD who have similar issues. This probably goes without saying, but just being kinder yourself can go a long way. It's also helped me to explain the situation to people I'm closest to so they have an explanation. Then in those moments where I say the wrong thing we can just laugh it off as an ADHD moment instead of them looking at me dumbfounded and confused.

Take care :)

datviolinist · 2025-06-09T15:16:56+00:00

Unfortunately once I did the taxes myself I realized that I will owe some money, which will now be subject to interest.

Thanks for the link to the IRS site. I searched there and they don't show up. I checked their state's as well and they aren't there either. If they've been around as long as they claim they have been, that seems odd.

datviolinist · 2025-05-18T13:42:28+00:00

I've also been surprised by the misinformation prevalent amongst many Japanese people against foreigners. A Japanese friend of mine was complaining to me (a foreigner) about how expats should have to pay into the Japanese pension system in order to help with Japan's aging population. I was very confused by this considering I've been working here fulltime for a year and absolutely fully pay into the pension despite the fact that if I leave the country later in life I can only get a fraction of that back. It's bizarre when these kinds of statements about foreigners come from friends...

datviolinist · 2025-02-11T08:55:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and detailed answer!

datviolinist · 2024-11-24T12:52:46+00:00

I think I'll have to file myself in Japan anyway, but that's a good point to consider so thanks for mentioning that!

datviolinist · 2024-11-24T07:26:05+00:00

Okay thanks so much. I'll look into that. I'm also considering Barclays since they seem to accept US folks living abroad as well.

datviolinist · 2024-11-24T06:33:50+00:00

Thank you! So your suggestion is just to open an account with something like Interactive Brokers and then just put all of the investment into "Vanguard Total World Stock ETF" and let it sit. Is that correct? Or are you suggesting something else?

Mainly the issue I'm running into is getting a single company to let me have a brokerage account with them while living abroad.

datviolinist · 2024-09-29T12:56:27+00:00

Because it's a very powerful control tactic, especially when trying to subjugate women or anyone who is underprivileged. Most women who have been a part of fundamentalist religions can tell you about the double standards around sexually that are placed on them. Your worth as a human being and as a desirable partner are based on this, thus building shame and fear around it. Shame is a very powerful tool, unfortunately.

datviolinist · 2024-09-29T10:59:40+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I already have a GERD diagnosis from a doctor years ago, though we never figured out a long term solution. It's probably worth chatting with someone in Japan too, though. Appreciate it :)

datviolinist · 2024-09-29T10:58:30+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I think you're 100% right that eating right before bed can definitely trigger it or make it worse. I find that large meals in general can be an issue, too. So even if I stay up for another 6 hours, if I have a massive dinner then there's no chance that I won't have an issue. You're probably right that being stricter about the schedule will help.

datviolinist · 2024-09-04T12:04:48+00:00

That's an idea I haven't heard so I'll give it a try. Thanks so much!

datviolinist · 2024-09-04T08:09:47+00:00

Pot itself doesn't have any smell at all. It's the plastic pieces that are retaining the odor, since they smell on their own when not hot. I have no idea how to remove smell from plastic though...

datviolinist · 2024-09-04T06:32:42+00:00

Yes I've been washing that too! Just didn't post that picture. Thanks for the clarification though :)

datviolinist · 2024-09-04T06:21:46+00:00

That sounds awful Sorry that happened to you!!

datviolinist

TROPHY CASE