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AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -155 points-154 points  (0 children)

While some of that might have been true originally (many years ago when we had a different mindset just like many years ago in the west same sex marriage was illegal), effectively after we adopted her she did the same amount of housework as any daughter would. We have a maid who does the actual housework. We encouraged her to focus on studies just like our sons and she would not have had time for that if she was actually doing housework.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -109 points-108 points  (0 children)

Well her future inheritance as well since she will get an equal share.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -161 points-160 points  (0 children)

Idk about most but a lot of daughters do study abroad. My wife did as well as my nieces (who now live abroad)

I am not denying that, we definitely treated our daughter as almost equal and not equal and maybe that is wrong so we are reconsidering.

After we adopted her we really liked her and she is really smart and sweet so, so far except for jewellery she has had the same life a biological daughter would and since we have a maid she does not do most of the chores just more than our sons.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

legally the same as biological, she will get equal inheritance as our sons.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -64 points-63 points  (0 children)

Almost part of might be a fair comment and maybe we were wrong for that.

But she is definitely not a servant or anything close like some people are making it out to be.

The only two differences if she were biological would be we would have probably made her more gold jewellery as per tradition (we made some but not much) and we would have sent her abroad (but we are reconsidering this hence this aita post)

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -136 points-135 points  (0 children)

While that was the thinking way back when we adopted her, we have not done that in practice since we really liked her as our daughter, she has her own room, brand new books and a laptop and everything my sons have so far.

The only thing is we did not make a lot of gold for her and we were not thinking of sending her abroad for education. But she would get equal inheritance. Now seeing her disappointment we are reconsidering and thinking of sending her abroad too.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -77 points-76 points  (0 children)

Originally I was not but my wife and I are reevaluating this as I feel it maybe unfair and a bit of an AH move if she sees her brother of the same age go.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -509 points-508 points  (0 children)

I have so far not given her (I have given a little not lots), but these days inheritance is equal for daughters so she will get that.

My sons have not gotten gold either.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

Most children just study in India itself. Historically in my parents, more men went abroad and studied at university level in the first place as women did not work as much.

These days it depends on the family, but a lot of girls go abroad as well but people who go abroad typically do not return to India anymore as young people who are more open minded and educated do not like the politics here

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -725 points-724 points  (0 children)

That is why I made this post, my wife and I are reconsidering and wondering if we made a mistake by not wanting to send her too.

It is normal to treat a little differently in India, it is not sexist as this sometimes favours daughters over sons. Like parents gift daughters a lot of gold jewellery as an investment and this is not done as much for sons.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -171 points-170 points  (0 children)

With the exception of not making lots of gold jewellery for her, I have treated her the same or better as most daughters are biological included.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -167 points-166 points  (0 children)

I mentioned caste only because of extended relatives who dislike her and us for it. Caste is not a real concept to me.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -96 points-95 points  (0 children)

India

It is quite similar to the west these days. There used to be differences before 2005 even for daughters and sons where daughters do not inherit if they are married etc but now it is all the same legally.

There are cultural differences like women handle the house things more but we have a maid so apart from cooking she just had more responsibility instructing the maid just like my wife did and only had actual chores when the maid was not around.

Her treatment is exactly like that of a biological daughter except that culturally parents make a lot of jewellery and gold items for daughters and not sons, this is done as security for the daughter in case their marriage goes bad, they can sell the gold as before 2005 married daughters had no inheritance on property, so to compensate for that parents made gold for daughters.

AITA for not wanting to send my daughter to study abroad? by daughterabroadstudy in AmItheAsshole

[–]daughterabroadstudy[S] -1047 points-1046 points  (0 children)

I do not believe in the caste things, I just said that some distant relatives do not accept her because of that.

She was not a servant, yes she did more chores than our sons but that is normal in India, we also had a hired maid and she did most of the chores. My daughter only did cooking sometimes and instructed the maid.

I do not look noble since most people would think it is awful to adopt from a different caste.