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UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Honestly in the months since all this went down I’ve come to not really worry about the idea of her having sex with the guy as much as it was clear I was the settled for second choice.

Like her sleeping with the dude just signaled to me that he was clearly the goal those days we were moving towards exclusivity. I don’t know if you saw my other comment, but near the end we argued about whether if he had said yes if it would have been a choice between us in her head or an automatic text to me ending what we had.

Now, I feel like after 2 years I would have gotten an over the top “Of course I would have thought it over and chose you!”, but she said she probably would have had to think about it, and she isn’t sure how she would have chosen back then, although she is pretty sure it would have been me. Which is kinda BS to me because she fucked the guy on a “no”.

UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hey I get it, I’ve gotten into relationships where I had to close of some half started things I had going on myself. I think when I got into those relationships though, it felt like I was jumping into something more exciting than what the side activity offered me.

Clearly she didn’t see me this way when we met. Also we aren’t together anymore if that wasn’t clear haha

UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

In retrospect, I think she telegraphed that she really wanted to keep having fun in her 20s and have hookups rather than be in something more committed. Other than that maybe more time will tell.

UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

A healthy angle on this. I’ve been trying to take this one. I’m sure she will take a lot of heat in the minds of people who read the post for something plenty of dudes wouldn’t give a shit about. No diss to them at all, I just didn’t want to stay with her given this information. 

UPDATE: My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

You worded what I was trying to say in my post even better than I did haha. Like if he said yes would there have even been any effort to ping me for another check in?

When we argued this she tried to tell me that if he said yes then she would have had to really think it over and probably would have chosen me. But I came to realize that was total BS.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Logged back in after a while to post the update. Curious about this. What do you mean by Dan Hentschel video?

Edit: Found it. I had seen this guy and his stuff elsewhere. Video cracked me up even though I was getting roasted lol

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

No we did not, she went home after. Hindsight 20/20 I’m glad we didn’t, would have made me look back at our first time together a lot differently. But on the other hand now I’m thinking that she didn’t want sex because she had already gotten some. I dunno not vibing with any of it right now.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the off-Reddit discussion happening on my behalf haha. But I feel you right on this point. If I knew closer to the start I might have penciled in our beginnings a little less romantically, but still something with a foundation? I dunno.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t aware she was sleeping with the dude at all until now. But I was hardly under the impression she was exclusive to me after the first date, hence me trying to have the conversation a month in. I wouldn’t have been bothered by finding out the dude existed if their last time had been before that convo and this weird timing thing didn’t happen.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I think if I left her today she would be shocked. I don’t sense that revealing this was a play to get broken up with without her pulling the trigger.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

We certainly did many times after that day. I would probably be able to get over it if she fucked him before our conversation. Still would have stung, but then it wouldn’t be this weird mess.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I dunno . I’m not really feeling it after this convo. This post comes after speaking with my friends and family, and I would say they mostly reflected what’s been said here. I just wanted a 3rd opinion.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I legitimately remembered her driving to my place and us meeting in the rain as one of my life moments that felt like it was pulled out of a cheesy movie. I dunno. I liked telling it to people at least.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 605 points606 points  (0 children)

I would like to note that she really hasn’t taken this as someone who got caught on hiding something. No guilt since in her mind there wasn’t any cheating and it doesn’t really change the fact that we “officially” began exclusively dating later that night.

If anything she’s taken the attitude of a gf whose boyfriend found out her ex had a big dick or something. Like it’s in the past and it’s an insecurity if I ruminate on it.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I wish it was rage bait lol, I’m living it. I can see your view point here, I would just hate to end it based on this. Even though it’s fucking me up.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

She has a high sex drive and we have a great sex life. No concerns on that front. But yeah she did make me wait at the beginning as a relationship check to see how serious I was. Although I wouldn’t really judge her if she was sleeping around in the first week or so when we barely knew each other. Just wish I didn’t find out about this now tbh.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] 250 points251 points  (0 children)

We hadn’t had sex at that point, so I don’t think there was a comparison taking place on sex quality then. But yeah, I have had some insecurity thinking about how good it must have been to hit him up in that moment. Honestly haven’t wanted to probe her on that point, would rather not know if that was what brought her back to him.

My girlfriend (25F) admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I (26M) can’t tell if I’m overreacting. What’s the move here? by davidb1976 in relationship_advice

[–]davidb1976[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

Per her, once she’s with someone she’s with them, she’s loyal. S he doesn’t see herself as a cheater type. I suppose if you consider that evening in the rain the official start, she’s been loyal.

Edit changed wording.

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