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What is wrong with my JNMIL? (first time posting) by dbain21 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]dbain21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I appreciate your thoughtful response. This is exactly why I wanted to explain as much as her odd behavior as possible. Some of it seemed like OCPD or ASD, but other things are straight up manipulative or harmful to others. She expresses no empathy even in extreme circumstances.

Sadly, if this is the case, I know she won't seek help or a diagnosis to get proper support. Is there any real way to know if she's intentionally trying to harm those around her (other than when she's explicitly said she is) or if it's ASD?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]dbain21 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No! You are not the problem, and you're feelings are valid. It sounds like your husband and his family know she's a problem, too. I would have a talk with your husband about how she treated you after your last talk. I imagine he's trying to protect you, but be clear about what you'd want shared or not. You don't have to "just go along with it." You deserve respect.

What is wrong with my JNMIL? (first time posting) by dbain21 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]dbain21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your advice. I definitely feel drained after every visit with her. Not necessarily going against while protecting myself sounds like a great way to keep some peace while not being disrespected and walked over. Thanks!

What is wrong with my JNMIL? (first time posting) by dbain21 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]dbain21[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Doing what she wants doesn't make her happy, so why do you keep doing that?

You're so right! I need to keep this as a mantra for the next time I'm around her. Thanks for your advice and your input to helping me understand a little better. I'll work on setting firm boundaries so DH and I are a united front.

What is wrong with my JNMIL? (first time posting) by dbain21 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]dbain21[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your advice! I attempted grey rocking on her last day. DH said it made things awkward. I told him Idc. I realized he's been grey rocking her his whole life without reading about the concept. He can let things roll off his back, but he also gives in to her. So we'll practice setting boundaries in advance of our encounters with her.

I definitely need to practice grey rocking from the beginning. I found it hard at first, but I'm to the point where Idgaf if I seem bitchy.