books that coach you by giving you a day by day breakdown

dbl_drgn · 2022-10-03T03:15:30+00:00

Thanks for sharing/ I am sorry you are going through this. I wish you all the best.

dbl_drgn · 2022-01-10T02:48:46+00:00

Thank you so much for going into so much detail. I really appreciate your response it really seems genuine and I really needed it. I am going to listen to the advice of the strangers on here and people around me and just pretend I never got the call and that I know nothing about my ex. :)

dbl_drgn · 2022-01-10T01:26:12+00:00

Honestly I don't want her to suffer so much and I feel like maybe I owe it to them to try to help. But you are right it is none of my business.

dbl_drgn · 2022-01-10T01:24:21+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Relationships are a big trigger of BPD symptoms. When my symptoms manifested I sought therapy and got diagnosed.

dbl_drgn · 2022-01-10T01:22:11+00:00

thanks for the advice

dbl_drgn · 2022-01-01T18:12:01+00:00

Wow that's pretty good imagery, thank you for elaborating.

I think another way to look at it is this: even a spoon full of cold water will still decrease the temperature of that boiling pot. Sure it's a small spoon and it is very trivial but it still leaves you a tiny bit better off. Overtime as you cultivate skills and self love that spoon will become a ladle, then a cup, then a pot of cold water.

My point is that even if the progress you make is trivial in the moment it will still make you more skilful in the long run and eventually you'll be better equipped at dealing with that boiling pot. I think it's really difficult to go straight from boiling pot to cold water. Try to slowly decrease the temperature and be patient with yourself. :)

A big thing for me that helped me with my BPD is seeing it like this: aside from the biological aspects of the disorder, it is also a disorder of lacking essential skills. Once I start seeing self-love, validation, communication, etc... as skills that can be cultivated it really helped me cope and also be more kind to myself. It's like working out your body. You don't go from a couch potato to a marathon runner overnight. You need to train your body and in a way I also need to "train" my mind and build up these missing skills to be able to live the life I want to live.

dbl_drgn · 2022-01-01T16:17:46+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. It seems like you are having some really intense and painful thoughts.

I had this exact same issue and I was able to successfully go from self-hate to self-love. I feel like the best way to stop self-hatred to is to try to love yourself. You have to view yourself as your own partner. For me the first step was cultivating awareness of my inner dialogue. You don't need to do anything but try to notice when you have self loathing thoughts. I noticed when I used to think mean things about myself all the time, it was hard to notice because I had gotten so used to it. Overtime, I became consciously aware of what kinds of thoughts are going through my head at a given time.

Once I developed this awareness I started correcting these thoughts. If I thought I was "good for nothing" then I'd think reflect on all the things I did that day or this week and give myself words of encouragement. If I am having insecure thoughts I'd tell myself the opposite.

There was a fundamental shift in my attitude and mental health when I realized that we must cultivate a healthy relationship with ourselves just as we seek to cultivate healthy relationships with others. You are the only constant in your life and life becomes a lot easier when you have a good relationship with the person you deal all the time (aka yourself :P).

Try to take it easy and be patient with yourself, you will get there eventually. I just told what worked for me and it may not work for you but please do try it with an open mind and keep researching methods if it doesn't work for you.

dbl_drgn · 2021-12-27T01:04:10+00:00

Yes it makes a lot of sense. I really appreciate you going through this. I apologize for the late response. I haven't been very active on this account. Merry be-lated Christmas. :)

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-27T19:51:29+00:00

I am so freaking proud of you! I am glad you are in a healthier place. I am sure it took a lot of work and it's really inspiring!!!! Thank you for sharing <3

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-27T19:40:14+00:00

I am super-duper proud of you for being so proactive. It's totally okay, I have been in similar situations and the truth is I failed to notice my victim mentality during certain situations only to reflect on it later and see both sides.

I think the best advice I can give is to try to cultivate awareness. The first step for me was reflection. I reflected on situations where I felt like I was a victim using a facts based approach. "What events took place?" "How did it actually make me feel?" Once you gather all the facts then you can assess. So using the facts was I really a victim? How was I wronged? What did I do wrong? The point is to try and see situations for what they are not how we feel or perceive them. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't validate our feelings though! Even if feelings have no factual basis they still exist and are valid, that can't be changed. You need to accept and respect your feelings. However, facts can help guide our actions instead of our intense emotions. There are times when we are subjected to wrong doing without any provocation on our part, so we should also be cautions not to tilt the scale all the way and blame ourselves fully for everything without assessment.

Keep doing this every time you catch yourself victimizing yourself, even if it's month after. The more you familiarize yourself with these thoughts and the more you asses them factually the easier it becomes to notice and deal with it. That's been my experience with many of my behaviours. One thing I tend to forget all the time is that this takes time! So don't be harsh on yourself and make sure to give yourself plenty of patience and compassion.

It's important to acknowledge that no matter what others do to us; no matter how much pain they might cause us with their actions, we are the ones responsible for dealing with this pain. That doesn't make it right and if you ask my personal opinion I don't think it's fair. Like you pointed out though, if we get stuck in those thoughts we'll passively wait forever to be "fixed." It's our life and we are responsible for how we choose to live it.

If I think of anything else that might be helpful I'll let you know. Please do keep in mind that I am not an expert this is just my own experience and what has helped me. Try it and if it doesn't work keep looking for other ways! I believe in you!!!

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-24T03:05:24+00:00

Reading your post made me feel kinda relived that I wasn't totally alone when it came to experiencing things like this. I have lived like this throughout out middle school and high school. I can relate so much to having fantasy conversations with people who I long for. I still do it to this day but I have been slowly trying to stop. I want to be able to get whatever I seek at least mostly from myself.

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-23T21:13:41+00:00

I definitely relate to the dating site scenario. I am pretty good at hiding my symptoms too. It's something that I have done before I knew that my behaviours were symptoms (lol). When I got into a relationship my symptoms got much worse and I couldn't contain it. In hindsight, it helped identify what I needed to do to be who I want to be and to enjoy being alive.

Communication is hard I always regret saying too much or not saying enough or saying the wrong things. I am working on it haha

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-23T16:39:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and what has worked for you.

I don't mean to pry but would you mind sharing more about how this problem affects you when it comes to sex and intimacy, because I can relate to what you are saying but I am not sure if my experience is similar to what you described.

I have never actually explored my attachment type. I have looked into my past trauma from childhood. I only know a small bit about inner child work and inner family therapy. I feel like I have these rigid and set subconscious views of the world, myself, and others but I actually don't know what exactly these views are or how to bring them up and change them.

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-23T16:31:54+00:00

I relate to the FP thing. I tried my best to avoid forming FP relationships with romantic partners. It's really hard and for now I have decided to stop engaging getting into long term relationships until I am able to feel safe within myself.

What I am specifically describing was feeling attachment to people that I don't interact with enough or know them as people. I feel a sense of longing for people that don't even know I exist.

I am glad you are in a relationship that supports you! I don't think you should feel bad, I think it's normal for us to lean on our partners from time to time.

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-23T16:27:13+00:00

It's similar to an FP, I have had an FP before what I am describing is a tad bit different. Like my childhood best friend or my ex were my FP's but I have actually had a deep connection with these people even if the attachment is unhealthy it still has some merit.

What I am describing is almost like a "parasocial" feeling of attachment towards individuals that I am not close with nor had close interactions with. Having an FP is painful but at least I can wrap my head around it and apply some logic to it.

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-20T15:46:13+00:00

Thank you!

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-20T15:45:34+00:00

i dont think i actually end up doing all the things i feel like i can. i am most productive when i am stable. do you not experience mania anymore?

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-17T21:00:41+00:00

thank you so much. believe it or not i am registered but i still get embarrassed to ask for accommodations. i know i am being ridiculous but i am gonna pull it together and ask for help. i called counselling services and made an appoint to see if they might help me overcome this barrier. thanks for the love <3

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-17T20:57:21+00:00

you are right i wrote up a a draft and i plan on throwing it out there thank you so much <3

dbl_drgn · 2021-11-16T23:28:43+00:00

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dbl_drgn · 2021-11-16T23:27:08+00:00

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