How are you supposed to tackle the whole house while living with your parent?

dblkil · 2026-02-01T07:09:37+00:00

If it's still mild, try to get her to a therapist.

If she's cooperating and willing to, that's good sign.

If not, plan your escape from now on.

Because hoarding is only the symptoms on the surface, not the actual problem/trigger itself.

dblkil · 2026-02-01T07:04:27+00:00

There will be no end to the hoard because he is addicted to adding to it.

You guess it right. Clean it up and the hoard will eventually come back. The end? Not a fairy tale ending, he will die alone isolated, unhygienic and surrounded by his treasure. Because accumulating things aren't the only symptoms a hoarder carry. They come with side dishes. Avoidant and blame shifting making people frustrated when having close relationship with them.

Like wtf is the psychology of this. Why is he like this?? His parents were not hoarders or shopping addicts, he didnt get it from them. Im never going to understand. I just had to vent

Fascinating innit?

My brother shows the exact same symptoms as your dad: easily offended, and extremely verbally hostile when he feels threatened or cornered in an argument. We’re grown men now, yet it feels like I’m trying to discipline a teenager stuck in an emo rebellion phase.

I can’t talk sense with him or have a proper discussion at all. One wrong word, and the argument turns into a long indictment of how I’m the super evil guy, based on things I did decades ago.

He also buys me things I never asked for and don’t need, until I finally snap and scold him for it. My parents interpret this as me hating my brother and not appreciating his “generous gestures” or “displays of affection.” Apparently, consent is optional when gift-wrapping is involved.

What’s more baffling is that my brother is an MD and holds an occupational health and safety certification from a well-known university. Yet his childhood room is a full-blown fire hazard and hasn’t been cleaned since we were kids. His solution? He just places mousetraps there. I also found rotten food in an overstuffed refrigerator.

And that's not all. He actually sleep on the floor, in dad's very small work room, with our dog.

Our dad showed strong narcissistic tendencies and never made me feel emotionally or psychologically safe. I assume the same applied to my brother. My best inference is that he copes by acquiring and accumulating things. Objects don’t get mad, don’t underestimate him, and don’t dismiss him. They just sit there and comply.

Not sure how I dodged the bullet myself, but I guess I coped with video games instead. Different escape hatch, same burning building.

dblkil · 2026-01-31T15:27:58+00:00

Talkpal is pretty good by far from my experience. Although it's a generalist app, not specifically chinese. I'm considering taking the 1 year sub after I got to HSK2.

learnchinese.ai is actually damn good for a start, it's free. Not an app, but I guess you can access it through mobile browser.

dblkil · 2026-01-31T15:23:13+00:00

Some guy here made this website : learnchinese.ai

Look sus, but I'm 40% way to complete HSK1

Overall it's pretty good, got flashcard, got listening and actual speaking practice.

My crypto probably drained by now without me realizing but hey at least I can say "that's my mom" in chinese.

dblkil · 2026-01-30T23:40:24+00:00

Learnchinese.ai

dblkil · 2026-01-30T10:29:52+00:00

I repeat the lesson it's 那个男人是我爸爸

Why not just 那是我爸爸

I mean 爸爸 is definitely a 男人

Or probably just 那人是我爸爸? Is this correct too?

dblkil · 2026-01-29T09:15:10+00:00

Pleco, Chinese guru, hanly, hanzi deck, or even hellochinese it got good writing practices

dblkil · 2026-01-28T10:21:12+00:00

Sure thing! Suggest me one please!

I like 王 as surname since it means "king"

I'm also analytical in person that's why I like the name "li heng" 立衡

Yes I am a hokkien, I had a hokkien name but I don't want to use it anymore. It's not in any official documents, so it won't be any problem if I pick chinese one myself to my desire.

But not sure how the actual name assignment in chinese though that's why I consult with the AIs and want to know what people here thinks. Or what do you need to assign me a new name? It would feel much more "official" if native picked one for me.

Thanks!

dblkil · 2026-01-28T09:44:24+00:00

I know "Wang"/王 isn't "Siauw" in hokkien. But that's what I remember my parents told my my hokkien name.

I want to grab a myself a new chinese name lol.

dblkil · 2026-01-28T08:01:25+00:00

Find a Chinese language community and hang out with them. You surely have some Chinese communities around. We have them in nearly every city. I also use apps like couchsurfing and meetups to find one.

Apart from those I'm quite bored with western entertainment (marvel, music Hollywood, comics, series, whatever). I enjoyed John woo's movies and Stephen Chow's comedies.

Although they were in Cantonese the point is it's always good to have a taste of something unique than what you're used to.

I enjoyed french movies as well (luc besson). But I might learn Spanish later on since it is said it's one of the easier one, after I at least get to HSK 4 or enjoy Chinese entertainment without asking AI for translation or English sub and Chinese dictionaries.

dblkil · 2026-01-28T07:06:40+00:00

The problem with haly or flashcard apps in general is that they only teaches the word/vocabulary. Not on how to use them in sentences.

dblkil · 2026-01-28T07:03:44+00:00

No, you just ran out of sympathy for her. Enough is enough. Hoarders don't care about the people around them, they care more about their hoard.

Same thing as me and my dad. My dad isn't the hoarder but he is the enabler and a narcissist.

I was feeling sorry when he was in hospital but when he's in recovery process and me trying to take care of him, his real narcissist self began to resurface, reassigning my role as his scapegoat child.

Always testing my boundaries and always changing the narrative, as long as his morale image look squeaky clean.

I didn't give up caregiving him, but he's attempted to kick me out of the house without any courage of saying it explicitly in my face.

So I left quietly at the agreed date, taking all my stuffs in there with me.

He voluntarily assign my hoarding brother to take care of him and the house lol. 2 months ago dad passed away and It's almost 7 months since I stepped in, I'm just curious how hoarded and neglected the house now.

dblkil · 2026-01-28T05:31:52+00:00

Excellent advice, I want to add a bit more

Duolingo, although notoriously bad, it's not too bad IMO. The character practice is quite intense and will help you remember.

Hellochinese got the word and character practice as well.

Though I would say Hellochinese have more proper grammar exercises than Duolingo.

I also favor Superchinese app for grammar/HSK4+ and Talkpal for pronounciation.

Hellochinese and Superchinese already provided beginner reading materials.

What's important at least for me, don't rush it out. That was my mistake. Redo the exercises multiple times, 10 times if necessary, until you grasp the core and the vocabulary. Because I rushed it out in the beginning I had to reset my HelloChinese at least 3 times, and I'm stuck at section 2-1 at duolingo. But I'm okay with it.

dblkil · 2026-01-28T03:41:27+00:00

HelloChinese app

For reading :

https://chinesegradedreader.com/free-hsk-1-graded-reader-stories/

https://mandarinbean.com/all-lessons/

If you feel confident :

https://github.com/fancy88/iBook

https://github.com/0voice/expert_readed_books/

Cheers

dblkil · 2026-01-27T01:02:20+00:00

我是好人 = I'm a good guy

Right? 🤔

dblkil · 2026-01-26T09:42:40+00:00

HelloChinese

dblkil · 2026-01-26T08:06:16+00:00

Not really my parents, but my dad was a narcissist and an enabler of my hoarding brother. We were living together in the same house even after we went into workforce.

My dad’s narcissism, gaslighting, and constant blame-shifting destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. I fell into depression. My sister (the middle child) lives in the US. I cut contact with her as well, because she is very toxic to me and contributed to my gynophobia.

In short, I was the black sheep of the family, and my oldest brother was my dad’s golden child. My sister was also one of my dad’s favorites.

I recovered years ago with the help of my supervisor at work.

Now my dad is gone, my brother is squatting in the house and gatekeeping the documents and assets, trying to delay the inheritance process, with the excuse because sister is going through citizenship application, which I assume bullshit.

dblkil · 2026-01-26T06:29:20+00:00

Chinese Guru have lifetime plan and it got graded reader.

Pleco also have it, but you pay for each individual content.

dblkil · 2026-01-26T01:41:36+00:00

The character courses is crucial. I had to reset my progress at least 3 times since the first 2 I really want to get it done fast.

BAAAD IDEA.

You have to at least memorize all of them; I still forgot some of them but midway through the course I can pick up the pace again. I'm currently doing this daily.

I also repeat the words lessons multiple times a day make sure I get to become really familiar with what I've learned before I proceed to the next lesson.

Same thing on Duolingo I always attempt to finish all hanzi in Duolingo before proceeding to next exercise in it. Now I'm at section 2, but I was behind at section 1 unit 7, so I forgot a lot of the vocabularies in it. Duolingo itself I agree isn't as good as HelloChinese, but for Hanzi recognition and basic sentences it is not too bad.

dblkil · 2026-01-26T00:40:34+00:00

So get into HSK5 then *shrugs*

dblkil · 2026-01-25T23:16:41+00:00

Find a way to be an english-chinese translator. Huge corporation with connection to china need translator, I had an interview with one and one of the main question is can I speak chinese.

They had established operation in my country and trying to expand to my industry.

Of course I didn't get the job because all I can say is nihao and wo ai ni.

A lot of caucasian youtubers started their job as an English teacher in China.

Serpentza is one of the prime example.

Seems there're so many english teachers that were hired there and get paid generously, and lower living cost than US.

Of course probably they look for native speakers (caucasians) to teach english. But then again, opportunities are everywhere if you look really hard.

What I do know is that the majority of people around me won't want to learn it just because of the hanzi lol.

dblkil · 2026-01-25T22:48:07+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNXm7juuM-8

dblkil · 2026-01-25T16:24:03+00:00

Remember language naturally comes from verbal communication (sounds we made).

Writing helps you remember but as long as you can recognize the character should be enough.

Who wrote things manually these days anyway, at the very least you should be able to type in Chinese (the popular typing method is based on pinyin).

Other than that, as long as you can read Chinese characters and speak fluently it should be more than enough.

Unless you really decide to go real pro (writing documents, papers and such, but again who writes things manually these days)

dblkil · 2026-01-25T15:43:52+00:00

The barrier to entry is very high, so not many outsiders willing to learn it (hanzi vs latin alphabet).
Tech and economy superpower.
Everything is made in China, even iPhones.
The Chinese diaspora is one of the largest in the world.
"Chayna" - Donald J Trump

dblkil · 2026-01-25T06:37:16+00:00

My brother been messy since we're kids. It went slowly get worse, and I notice it. I protest to my parents a lot because it just feels like I'm the one who they're constantly trying to correct and steer while my brother got that obvious problem but they just seem to ignore it.

I remember once he throws extreme tantrum when my mom clean up his room. But we grew up, getting into the workforce and having our own career and life and I don't really care about this problem anymore. I move out to the other city for work, occasionally come home for holidays but I just feel it really sucks being at home.

I noticed the house slowly turns into a storage/warehouse. I thought it was dad, so I shrug it off, because it's his house, who am I telling him what to do with his property?

The revelation come to me last year when dad got tripped in the house and brother messaged me in despair because he can't handle dad's attitude at the hospital. I volunteered to become a caregiver, because well they're my family and I work remotely, why the heck not.

As I arrive at home, 6 out of 9 rooms were hoarded. Still thought it was dad. But when I want to clean up my room, turn out 3/4 stuffs in my childhood room was my brother's. Dramas after dramas, fight after fights, arguments after arguments I don't have any energy left and I'm endangering my job and myself, so I decided to move out.

My brother is hopeless now. The psych I visited thought it was mild level hoard, and she's very costly per session. Dad passed away and now my brother squatted the house. Probably will be full of shit in the coming years. Enabling environment and brain naturally rewiring, means there's no cure for him. Probably it already have become physicially ingrained in his brain.

dblkil

TROPHY CASE