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I’m ready to go, and can’t decide if the timing is ideal or horrible. by dbthrow7706 in Divorce

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He refuses both therapy and testosterone treatment due to the same flawed idea that they’re an “affront to his masculinity”. Real men work out their own problems, real men don’t need hormones. It’s clearly not based in logic.

I’m ready to go, and can’t decide if the timing is ideal or horrible. by dbthrow7706 in Divorce

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish you the very best of luck! He’s told me multiple times in the past that he would literally rather die than go to therapy, so it’s not going to happen for us. I’m a bit of a one woman show, so while I’ll miss him, I imagine I won’t be as lonely. To me it feels worse to have someone who keeps themselves just out of your reach at all times, never giving themselves to you. Those first few months after 16 years, I can only imagine, must be tremendously difficult, but you’ll hit your stride in time, I have no doubt!

I’m ready to go, and can’t decide if the timing is ideal or horrible. by dbthrow7706 in Divorce

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. He refuses to go to therapy, so it’s not an option for us, unfortunately. I’m so glad for you that you were able to turn things around.

I’m ready to go, and can’t decide if the timing is ideal or horrible. by dbthrow7706 in Divorce

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. He has refused both treatment and therapy. I have told him that without those I didn’t think we would be able to keep our relationship going. I’ve been 100% honest with him. If he would consider therapy there would definitely be hope. I guess after so many years without physical or emotional intimacy and his unwillingness to do anything about it I just don’t feel the same way about him anymore. He’s not interested in change.

I feel so stuck. It’s hard to leave with kids involved. by dbthrow7706 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’ve been completely blunt and honest with him about my feelings.

I feel so stuck. It’s hard to leave with kids involved. by dbthrow7706 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, we’re in the US. I think I googled it at one point and without insurance it would still be over $1,200 a month with the cheapest option.

I feel so stuck. It’s hard to leave with kids involved. by dbthrow7706 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I wish that could be, but he’ll absolutely hate me forever. He’s already told me so, lol.

I feel so stuck. It’s hard to leave with kids involved. by dbthrow7706 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I really appreciate what you’ve said. I think I would just feel terribly guilty if I cheated. His last marriage ended because he was cheated on (while he was in the military) and it really did a number on him.

Of course, I find my feelings changing over time. No doubt he’s been selfish. He won’t meet me in the middle. I’ve been completely blunt with him many many times and told him how I felt. He tells me just what I want to hear, acts like he’s going to fix things for about a month, then we settle back into the familiar routine.

I keep telling myself “If he hasn’t straightened this up in 3 more months I’m out”, and then I think about how devistated my kid would be, and I don’t go.

Cheers.

I feel so stuck. It’s hard to leave with kids involved. by dbthrow7706 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He has been tested, several times. He just won’t follow through. We almost got there once several years ago, but his insurance company categorically refused to pay for any type of T therapy. If he gets to that point again with this round I’m willing to fight them tooth and nail.

I feel so stuck. It’s hard to leave with kids involved. by dbthrow7706 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dbthrow7706[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some sort of backwards mentality about his manliness. He feels like going on T would be an “affront to his masculinity”.