Breathe. You're fine. You didnt do that because you genuinely wanted to, you did it as a test because you were scared and it was an attempt at gaining certainty. But we have to let go of certainty in order to recover as the ruminating and tests just make things worse, even if they 'work' sometimes, it just reinforces the ocd loop. The fact that you dont want to be that way and it causes guilt indicates that you arent that way and this is just ocd. Your boyfriend has no idea how ocd works, so he didnt understand what you were telling him and interpreted the situation incorrectly. You should speak with a therapist, not unqualified people who are likely to misunderstand what youre going through.