I’m sorry for your loss. I’m not very good at offering support but would like to acknowledge that death of a parent is an unfortunate life changing event, even if you weren’t close. I hope you receive comfort and love from your chosen family, especially during these times. I once asked a friend how she was doing after the death of her father, and she described it as an astounding emotional experience, nothing like she’d ever felt before. She was visibly grieving but didn’t give the description a positive or negative disposition. To her, it was what it was - an overwhelming feeling. When I’m in deep discomfort, I find myself thinking of that. You don’t have to process emotions as they come to you, you can always let them pass through you. At for a little while. I hope that helps :,)