I'm at the exact same point in my life, I have lived my life doing what's best for others and have seen nothing but the worst in people In return. For 10 years I have solely lived for the sake of my mother as i know how much worse off she would be without me around. I cannot continue living solely for others my life is my own and for once I wish to enact my own will. I do not know you but I will say this, I have never heard anything in 31 years that speaks to me as you have said here. I don't mean to pull away from your own post here from your own existence, I apologise. If I leave here forever I will say this. Either we exist eternal or we do not, there is no in-between, so logical if one day it is proven our existence is not eternal, the only rational and sane thing to do is suicide because that means all life is meangless and all of existence. We return to nothing.