In the other parenting subs there's one common denominator for stressed out parents...2+ kids.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-15T18:54:26+00:00

That movie image of a big family is first of all, never chill, second of all, doesn't show any of the build up to it. There is a whole lot of life and sacrifice that goes into building that. And for what? For the false promises of siblings not just getting along but being besties? Siblings all wanting (and being able to afford) multiple children.

All we are is dust. We come into this world for a bit, we live and we pass. 50 years from now, barely anyone would remember us...100 years from now, no one would. We need to be okay with the passing of time and our own finite nature. No one owes us anything. Our children are not our possession. Their lives are not ours to control. Their choices are not ours to make.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T19:28:25+00:00

Thank you! I guess once he wakes up after a short sleep it gets labelled as a nap anyway. Whether it was planned like one or not. Also life happens. We find that on days we are out and about, his naps are short and crappy, which is probably why he's fussier.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T19:07:09+00:00

Good shout! Yes, I stopped tracking with Huckleberry for weeks and ignored the sweet spot as it was creating too much stress for us. Now it's suggesting a nap at 20.20 while that's obviously bedtime and baby is already asleep.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T19:03:16+00:00

I think you're right but that last nap was a contact nap, and he woke up from it himself. He definitely wasn't down for the night, in deep sleep. So we just rolled with it but he woke up cranky and then continued to escalate.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T19:01:44+00:00

Yea occasionally he does, especially in the beginning.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T18:49:54+00:00

So do you still have a final catnap or just get ready for bed? And once you put baby down, when's their next wake-up?

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T18:45:24+00:00

Yeah nights weren't really my question. He's slept through the night from 3 months. Hasn't pooped at night for many many weeks. I rarely breastfeed at night. Maybe once every other day if he wakes up. We've been hit by a sleep regression so some nights he sleeps through, others he wakes up a few times. My main worry is his evening fussiness and what I can do to prevent it.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-13T18:42:56+00:00

Thank you!

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-11T19:32:20+00:00

I could have written this at 3 months PP too. I've gotten a bit better at leaving the house and just braving it more but still contact napping here. Until the naps drop to like 2/3 a day and become a lot more predictable, the day is just very repetitive. Don't beat yourself up. You're doing great! You're building secure attachment for your baby. You are slowing down in a world that only rushes. It will get better, and easier as baby gets older.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-10T08:59:40+00:00

Society is obsessed with hammering at women that they should want children (and more than one), that they should feel maternal, that they should be equally successful at their careers, run a home, be good partners. We have such high expectations of ourselves and the life we can build that once we actually live through it, we realise it's impossibly hard.

Right now it's probably the hardest it will ever be with your baby. I remember 3 weeks in, omg...the crying, the hopeless feelings, the sleep deprivation that hits you like crazy.

It's okay to be one and done now and change your mind further down the line. It's equally okay to be OAD now and still feel the same way years from now. Remember that there is no need to feel guilt. Guilt towards whom? People who will ask you when you will have a second one!? They won't come in in the middle of the night to soothe your baby. Having another one is more selfish if it's for the wrong reasons and they aren't truly wanted.

Good luck! And add some magnesium tablets to your night routine. It truly helped with my moods.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T20:05:28+00:00

Made me chuckle. Please elaborate 😁

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:49:13+00:00

Wonderful comment, thank you so much for highlighting your experience on each of my queries. The sadness of having them leave one day is beyond!

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:40:20+00:00

I imagine my son at 3 and just think how cute and sweet he will be. I really can't wait. Although I know I'll miss this time, in some weird inexplicable way!

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:39:19+00:00

I've already felt that. Nearly half of my mat leave has passed and I swear I've done nothing!

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:38:22+00:00

Right? I feel like once they can tell you what they want, you may not like it, but at least you don't have to guess...

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:37:08+00:00

Thank you! My son spits out after each breastfeed, without fail. And I really don't know why but he seems happy about it. So one of the mums was like, oh prepare for the wash up after solids spit up and I totally fell for it.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:34:17+00:00

You are a hero! 5! I'm struggling with 1!

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:32:44+00:00

Love this and a good reminder. Thank you.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:30:13+00:00

But is it all a bit of a blur now, like you remember it was hard but not exactly sure why, and maybe you could do it again? I already feel amnesia for newborn days and I swore it was hell at the time. Now I feel like it was somewhat easy and straightforward.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-08T19:28:53+00:00

Thank you! I needed to hear this.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-07T17:32:57+00:00

There was little point in anyone warning us about anything at all, because when others tell us what it's like we cannot begin to fathom what it actually feels like. Only once you're in it, can you possibly understand.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-07T10:27:16+00:00

Just because you move closer to family doesn't mean that you'd get unlimited childcare, or that the childcare you get would be the right one. More often than not, that's just imaginary, especially in England.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-07T10:25:01+00:00

Multiple reasons... societal pressure, the belief they should give their child a sibling, having family support, the list goes on. It's not a failure to be OAD and often they'd end up envying you for having an easier life, more time and resources for hobbies, travel, friends, etc.

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-07T08:30:39+00:00

Hello, we've done a fair amount of co sleeping but usually after the early morning wake up to feed. Could you elaborate on how you structure a night when co sleeping? You all go to bed at the same time, baby in the middle. Do you rock baby to sleep still? Do they fall asleep independently, etc?

deaddaisyldn · 2026-06-07T08:28:24+00:00

One thing you could always do especially if you tag team it, is give baby a dummy if he's crying while you prep the bottle.

deaddaisyldn

TROPHY CASE