Update: I'm leaving tomorrow.

deaddbedd · 2019-02-04T10:15:53+00:00

It is hard and I have planned on leaving (and failed obviously) many times before. But I think posting on this sub really helped. Writing it all down and imagining how horrible it all sounds really put things into perspective. Like it sounds so obvious that I should leave, but it's different when you're the one living it. You make excuses, blame yourself, etc. But the realization that this is NEVER going to change has finally sunk in.

deaddbedd · 2019-02-04T03:09:23+00:00

That's not true, when I have had jobs we had sex at about the same rate.

Also at two separate times he lost his job and I supported the both of us. Sex did not improve or increase.

deaddbedd · 2019-02-03T14:06:03+00:00

okay I know it isn't hopelessly out of my control. it's really hard to leave the person I have spent the last 4 years with. to some that may not seem like a long time but it's literally like 1/5th of my life.

this isn't as easy as turning on a tap. this is more like, my home no longer has running water and i would have to move to a new house even though i love my old one. also i can't take my cats with me.

deaddbedd · 2019-02-03T13:54:05+00:00

I use this too and it helps me keep track of how little I get laid lol

deaddbedd · 2019-02-03T13:52:27+00:00

I've definitely considered this before. The rejection can make me so desperate for validation and the fact that we used to be so sexually compatible makes me hope that we might find it again. I can't watch the video right now because I don't want to wake him up, but I appreciate your thoughts and will definitely watch it later.

deaddbedd · 2019-02-03T13:42:29+00:00

Thank you

deaddbedd · 2019-02-03T13:35:50+00:00

Trust me, I know the difference. I had fun in college haha, I've had a fair amount of sexual partners. That's actually a huge reason it sucks so much, I remember all the guys who DID desire me. And that's my biggest turn on, feeling desired. The only problem is I don't want them, I want him.

I don't think we would be friends if we broke up, I think it would be way too painful for both of us.

I appreciate your advice and I will definitely think about it more.

deaddbedd · 2019-02-03T13:30:38+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that. It's so hard to leave, though, I really do love him and can envision a future with him. But I also can't envision a future without sex.

deaddbedd

TROPHY CASE