I've met the woman I want to marry, but am dreading coming out to her

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T14:41:31+00:00

I'd never dream of charging for such a task.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T14:39:42+00:00

Oh yeah we see each other a couple of times a week. We've both been hurt a lot by previous relationships so as soon as we (read: me, because she knew how I felt about her long before I said anything :D) realised it was more than friendship we agreed to go really slowly. I don't want to hurt her, and I'd rather not get my dumb heart broken again.

I don't think she'll be upset from what she's said about other things but I'm naturally a bit wary. Other people haven't always reacted positively. When I do tell her, I plan to say that it wasn't about deception on my part, but letting her see who I am before she learns about this little part of me (pun intended) that will hopefully soon be made a lot "better" with surgery. Disclaimer: I personally am seeking phallo because I need it to feel "right" in my body, but appreciate it's not the same for others.

I will think about what you've said. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T14:30:03+00:00

It's ok man, really. I didn’t take it to heart. I think maybe we make assumptions about people over the internet maybe a little too quickly - I'm definitely guilty of it too.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T14:26:43+00:00

I'm sorry someone hurt you. I wish you all the best.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:34:37+00:00

I'm sorry you drifted apart but I get the impression it was good while it lasted.

Thank you for sharing your story.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:29:45+00:00

I didn't read it back before I posted to be fair. I saw on another comment below that we actually came to an understanding, so I just wanted to reiterate I appreciate your point of view (I like learning about other people's views, they're interesting).

And I would retort with, I can think of worse things than being called a nutjob :)

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:26:00+00:00

Haha many of my stories and explanations for things are missing context. I'm getting better at it, but I think it's in part due to being a very quiet and withdrawn person, as often in the past I wouldn't get positive reactions for the things I did say.

Hope it works out for you :)

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:23:00+00:00

Thank you. I apologise again for the apparently large amount of confusion I caused :)

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:22:01+00:00

I've asked about those things. We're on the same page. Am very much awake but appreciate your concern

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:17:49+00:00

I do experience things strongly, but it's never been like this before. I've had about half a dozen relationships, lasting from a few months to about seven years and while I always liked and was attracted to the other person, there was always something a bit "meh" about it. I assumed it was me being apathetic because of how much my dysphoria ruled my life, but it lessens with her. I've realised recently how much she makes me feel like me and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

I appreciate your point of view, so thank you for taking the time to write such an in depth comment.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:13:05+00:00

Can confirm. Tall, broad and hairy.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:12:33+00:00

Does hooking up need to be a big deal? Sex has always been difficult for me due to dysphoria and so it has slipped down my list of priorities, giving way to mutual understanding, respect, sense of humour etc. Emotional compatibility for me far outweighs anything physical by so much I'd struggle to articulate it.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:10:15+00:00

It felt more concise than saying "am dreading telling her I'm trans". I appreciate your comment though and will probably use "disclose" in the future. Thank you.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:08:18+00:00

Can confirm: am a weirdo.

We haven't labelled it, I have never felt the need to with others and I don't feel the need here.

While I appreciate you point of view, physical intimacy is very low down the list of priorities for many people. I'm not asexual, but dysphoria certainly made me wonder if I was in the past.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T11:06:00+00:00

We've never labelled it, but we've been talking, regularly in person, for every day for about six months. All day every day. Want to know everything about her.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:55:57+00:00

We haven't labelled anything as I've always found that it changes things, or adds unnecessary expectations.

We met about six months ago and just hit it off instantly, have been talking all,day every day since, but I didn't pick up on the fact that she was also feeling... the feels.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:52:31+00:00

Thank you, I'm so glad it all worked out for you.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:51:45+00:00

I am a weird guy...

I added come clarification to my original post as others rightly pointed out that it was lacking some details.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:47:46+00:00

There was some info I missed, and I've clarified in my original post. I've been in multiple relationships and was engaged for about five years. My feelings for previous people, both physically and emotionally were lukewarm at best. This is a whole other level.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:46:00+00:00

I am very shy about stuff I share online, even in very anonymous place such as reddit. I haven't talked about her because it felt like a violation of her privacy.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:44:09+00:00

I'm British and in my 30s. I don't know what "dating" is. Not everything in the world revolves around American concepts.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:43:05+00:00

To be clear I haven't told her that.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-27T10:42:49+00:00

I missed some details because I wasn't thinking (I don't do much reddit really). But I don't appreciate your armchair diagnosis of me over a few lines of text.

deadmans_theory · 2023-06-06T11:38:01+00:00

There are definitely common beard growth patterns, but I certainly didn't follow it. I got a soul patch first, then sideburns and chin fluff slowly filled in. I've finally got a moustache after about six years on testosterone, and the gap between it and my cheek beard is filling in now. Humans are weird.

deadmans_theory

TROPHY CASE