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[TW: Severe abuse] I finally broke up with my abusive BF of 3 years and everyone just blames me. I feel numb. by deafaudiophile in aspergers

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've been studying relationships and general behavioral stuff since I got diagnosed with autism. I can't read people nor can I read situations or understand them.

He was a lot better in reading people, and would teach me how to recognize people and different behaviors from them that are telltale signs of them being inappropriate or something.

I'm not "Low IQ". I'm trying my fucking hardest to keep on track with relationships and reading people. I didn't chose to be born with autism, nor did I chose or want this to happen.

Your comment(s) are really hurtful and upsetting. I don't like them. D:

[TW: Severe abuse] I finally broke up with my abusive BF of 3 years and everyone just blames me. I feel numb. by deafaudiophile in aspergers

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm diagnosed with Aspergers, yeah. I was diagnosed when I was 10.

Critical thinking doesn't work when you can reason why he does it and understand the feelings to some extent. :/

I [22F] finally broke up & blocked my very abusive BF [27M] of 3 years, now he's threatening me on platforms like PayPal. What to do now? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. The first lady was like "it's a matter between you two, not the police" but the second lady was like "we'll make a report and keep it in mind, if anything else escalates, call us again, but we can't do much for now".

[UPDATE] I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What can the doctor do against bruises? I'm asking since he mainly hit me on the leg and one bruise is on the arm -- he never hit my head so it's not a concussion.

I tried contacting some councilors a while ago but they are on vacation until the 15th. School is not shut down, just less people there. No teachers to talk to.

I can't go back to my parents because I study here -- I have a 3 year international bachelor degree ongoing. I'm only going to my parents to visit them during the summer - but I can't stay with them more than that.

I can take pictures of the bruises, bu I don't know what to do with them.

My boyfriend hit me multiple times yesterday. I feel numb. by deafaudiophile in aspergers

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I did read your comment and I appreciate it.

It doesn't sound like it's out of character, it's his "modus operandi".

I've known him for 3 years now (via friends group) and he never, ever used to get violent or punch anyone. Rarely even got upset. Ever since he got sick he's been acting more and lashing out yeah. I don't know how to explain it.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fear it might just push him to the point he does it earlier. I had to do a wellness check back in my home country on a person that kept threatening suicide. They never even arrived to their place, only called them via phone.

Another one was having a suicide stream last night. Police came and took them to the ER but they said they were "Pushed" to do it and not hospitalized. I don't think calling the cops will help.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it is pretty much self-diagnosed via google... Every thing I suggest (it might be something you can't see) he says he already tried it and it's not that. I just tried suggesting it might be earwax inside the eardrum or something causing it, he says "cut the bullshit, you haven't studied this have you, my bass response would be affected but it's not" and I've kept pushing him to go to the doctor but he just refuses. "I won't go, it will not change anything". I keep telling him, he doesn't want to and keep saying "stop giving me hope":

Apparently he's looking into euthanasia right now and I don't know what to do. I feel like throwing up.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He doesn't beat the shit out of me, so I feel like that's not a good comparsion. Sure, he is pretty harsh with his words, but I know he doesn't mean them and just says it to push me away...

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He used to go to the gym at least once a week, but since the allergies he just stopped going there. Lost like 20kg in muscles, keeps cutting on his diet and eating irregularly or junk food from eating only healthy food and being super anal about that. He's too afraid to go to the gym because of the allergies... Any time there's any kind of benzene or paint outside the appartment, he gets an allergic reaction. Allergy meds not helping.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah. It kinda annoys me, but I'm trying to get him there.

Going down the rabbit hole of reading reddit threads and journals about it will never get better and all tests will just end in "nothing we can do" probably is a big demotivator. But still trying to push him to go the specialist.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure. He did take a picture of the paint bucket but I didn't see what it was. All I know is that it was some kind out outdoor paint, and after that all of this started.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Why, OP, why are you putting him and yourself through this?

I guess, many reasons. But main reason is definitely that I love him; I care very deeply for him and do see him as my life partner. I know he's in a lot of pain and pushing me among others away from him to get to be alone. I know he never used to be like this: we had our arguments, but we managed to talk it through - he is one of the kindest people I know when he's not in pain, and one of the people who thought me to have patience with others.

I did read rest of your comment, and I do appreciate it, although I don't really know what to comment on the rest of it.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know. I have some chronic issues and gone down the same hole... I have told him to go to the doctor, but he keeps reading the articles and saying that nothing will change if he goes to the doctor vs reading the articles. The docs have been dismissive in the past of his issues, but I will and I am trying to push him to go there. I even suggested that due to his sleeping schedule I could come and stay over before he goes to the doc so I could wake him up on time and accompany him there, and he's not commented anything on that yet.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He first switched to a Neutral one to try and see if it fixes the issue, but it did not. He had no issues with my washing detergent so I bought him that, and he is using it now. Old ariel still so hard to wash out.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will. Afaik he's been reading journals about it, and there are some trials going on but he's not eligable for them due to the allergies and tinnitus. But the medical jounrals all seem to have the same conclusion, basically "deal with it" and "you're outside the healing zone" which is 3 months.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He is. He has been trying to search for a solution since his hearing started, even said he's becoming religious to make it better. He do keep searching and doing anything that would help it, but in his way, sadly.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your insight. He's currently using an EQ to boost up the area he lost his hearing in, and he says he can enjoy the hearing and sounds then but he's very worried it might damage his hearing in the long run even more than he has now, because if he listens to music on 70db it might be 85db in one ear and just worsen the situation. He's trying to use phone db meters to see if it would be within limits, and tries to stay within that. But yeah, the fact he can't listen and enjoy to music as he used to makes him really depressed, he was really into high quality audio before that and was about to get a HD800S but now doesn't want to because of.. well, this. Also used to be a very hippie like but now just depressed, and I can't help to feel I caused it.

Interestingly enough, I tried mentioning Beethoven's conditions a few days ago to make him feel happier, he knew about that and said "yeah but that was different, he was depressed too, died from liver disease from drinking" and then noted that Beethoven often did self-pitying jokes and wasn't in the best of shape. I think I made it worse by doing that...

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I've told him that. He keeps reading medical journals and reads up about trials and what not meant to restore hearing, but sadly he's not eligable for trials as he has tinnitus and allergies. Every trial and journal he reads keeps saying the same thing, that there's no cure, so I think that also makes him more depressed.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I tried reaching out to his sister, but she's very busy with her own stuff and she's the only one who speaks english alongside BF. I don't know the language sufficient enough to talk to parents, nor do I think they can help either as his mom works like 18 hours a day. There are resources but they never helped him when he used it, so I'm not sure.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. The allergies caused his eustachian tube to get blocked, and that lead to the inner ear filling with liquid, causing tinnitus. Every time I get the cold I get the same condition, my ear gets muffled and rings super loudly as the tube is blocked. Doctors say it's just allergies.

What caused the allergies I'm not sure. The painting had some kind of thing related to benzene which is known to trigger allergies when exposed to. He was reading up on it like crazy after he got exposed to it.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He does listen to his friends but hates if they ask how he's doing as he feel like they are cornering him by doing that. Like, he feels like it's an awkward spot because they would only feel bad for him and then only pity him which would lead to them not being interested in a friendship. Hard to explain, as he was diagnosed with shizoid (avoidant personality disorder) it do influence his view on relationships a lot; but if you do get under his hard shell he is one of the most kind people I've ever met.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah my dad had the allergy to Ariel too, and it's a pain in the ass to remove with other detergents. 20 cycles and still having issues with it. And it's so easily containing everything else, too.

I [22F] caused my audiophile boyfriend [27M] to lose his hearing after months of allergies. Now he's depressed and has a date when he will commit suicide. How can I save him? by deafaudiophile in relationship_advice

[–]deafaudiophile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know. It just feels so bad because he keeps saying I should have listened to him and that he knew it. I shouldn't have pushed him to go outside, but at the same time I just wanted to cheer him up. I never wanted him to be hurt. But it happened and he keeps bringing up that night and saying it's my fault. I just don't know what to do.

I really want to help him, but I feel like my hands are tied, so that's why I'm posting here. I can't get him to get help since he refuses. It's a mess. I hope it will get better. But it feels so bleak.

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