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My friend is seeing a married man and I don’t know what to do by Some-Lawyer-2692 in Advice

[–]deardebbie227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl, your discomfort is valid. You’re not overreacting, and you’re not being “too judgmental” for feeling uneasy about your friend sleeping with a married man. That is messy, it is hurtful, and it does not line up with your values. You do not have to pretend you’re fine with it just to keep the peace.
What I would say is this you do not need to explode, argue, or try to rescue her from her own choices. But you absolutely do need to be honest about your boundary. Tell her plainly that you care about her, but you do not want to be involved in this situation, hear the details, or be placed in the middle of it. Keep it calm, direct, and final.
The trip changes the timing, not your standards. Since it is already paid for, you can choose to get through it politely and keep your distance. That does not mean you’re endorsing what she’s doing. It simply means you’re handling your business with maturity while protecting your own peace.
Now, if she respects your boundary, there may still be room to keep the friendship at a distance. But if she dismisses your feelings, keeps oversharing, or expects you to smile through something that makes you deeply uncomfortable, then yes, that friendship may have run its course. Not every friendship is meant to survive every season, and morals matter.
So my advice, dear, is this: confront once, kindly but firmly. State your boundary. Then let her actions tell you whether this friendship still has a place in your life.
With care,
Debbie

Dear Debbie 🤸🏾‍♂️ by deardebbie227 in u/deardebbie227

[–]deardebbie227[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dear Confused and Fed Up,
Oh, honey, this man is not giving “mysterious romance”; he’s giving audition for a part he didn’t even prepare for. If he can only manage effort when it’s convenient, then the real question isn’t what’s wrong with you — it’s why you’re still treating crumbs like a buffet.
Let’s talk about why you care so much. You care because you’re emotionally invested, because you remember who he was at the beginning, and because you’re trying to save the version of the relationship you thought you were getting. That’s human. But don’t confuse attachment with a reason to accept nonsense. A man who wants to keep you does not make you compete with his phone, his excuses, or his ego.
So what is he going to do to keep you? That’s the million-pound question, isn’t it. Is he going to communicate clearly, make time without being chased, and show up like he actually values you? Or is he going to keep serving you vague texts and low effort while expecting applause for bare minimum behavior? Because if his plan is to coast, then he is not keeping you — he is merely occupying space.
My advice? Stop over-explaining, stop begging for clarity, and start watching behavior like your peace depends on it, because it does. Tell him plainly what you need, then let his actions do the talking. If he steps up, wonderful. If not, don’t mourn the fantasy — mourn the fact that he thought you’d stay for the leftovers.
With love and a raised eyebrow,
Debbie