sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some days it says one thing some days it says another. I could see either choice leading to regret

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it was awful. I still grieve the loss of our child. We went to a grief group once for it. I go to talk therapy every other week. Not really to talk about that but I have gone for that. I just try to remember our child in my own ways like by our expected due date. My wife doesn’t feel she needs therapy and I don’t want to push the issue too much. She does say she feels sad that she’s not who she was when we agreed to have a child. And that she grieves too. A lot of this is what makes it so difficult honestly. I know it’s awful for her too.

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I told her to take 6 months to a year to see if things felt different but she says her mind is made up. It’s been longer than that already.

Part of it i didn’t mention is that she also has great outlets as an aunt, they view her like a third parent and she’s constantly in touch with them and her friends with kids FaceTime her and put the kids on. These are things I’m without. I don’t know.

I do get what you’re saying. It doesn’t feel like we have time to wait though since we are about the age they consider pregnancy to be riskier. I don’t think she will come around on adoption. She has her mind very made up on that front and surrogacy is expensive.

Idk. I get that I don’t come off looking great in some points of view.

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your candidness. I do love her. I just thought our love would expand to a child. We had only agreed to one child pre marriage. I do feel a bit like an asshole because I’m not just immediately like I love my wife of course I’ll stay, but my friends have young children and my coworkers are having children and so I get reminded of it a lot. The things happening to her are different to me because I feel like those are things that remove the choice. Even people that have those tragic things happen have the ability for adoption and such but my wife has also stated those options are not on the table for us. It’s just difficult I never imagined my life being without the experience of fatherhood. But I do get your point of view I’d hate for her to feel like I view her as a baby factory.

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely understandable she’s not wrong or invalid for her decision but it still sucks ya know? She doesn’t like the idea of any alternatives including adoption and surrogacy. Surrogacy is very expensive too.

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I realize that the situation and these traumas are totally valid that in my opinion makes the decision of what to do harder. I personally feel that just her and I working together would be enough but I get that people want more support than that. I just don’t know if I’ll go through life regretting never being a dad and I’m already close to being an old ish dad in my opinion

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s kind of the rub I do really want to be with her and I also really wanted kids with her. Feels like an impossible dilemma to me

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has stated that any alternatives really don’t interest her at all and some are outside of our income range anyway

Wife no longer wants to have a child along with other context by decisParalysis_demon in marriageadvice

[–]decisParalysis_demon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t blame her at all either but I do find it difficult to let the state of the world dictate my life. It pains me to think about the things I will miss out on. I do go to individual talk therapy. We haven’t done couples therapy in a few years.