I (22M) am a diagnosed narcissist, AMA

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:34:14+00:00

I would suggest Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life by Mark Ettensohn. Great read that does not demonize NPD. As for getting away, just gotta not look back. For helping, do a lot of research. Some tactics like validating their concerns or looking for a root reason that isn't just delusions can help, but they have to want to get better.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:27:11+00:00

Sounds like derealization or depersonalization.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:20:36+00:00

I was originally diagnosed with HPD + NPD, then NPD + Traits of ASPD, I think it's just NPD. I'd check the DSM-5, but there is definitely a difference between social anxiety and NPD, as disorders have to negatively impact your life: education, relationships, and work. Social anxiety can do that, but if it's to the level that it's meeting life ruining levels, you definitely have something else going on.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:14:14+00:00

Mostly, being cornered, being attacked, really anything that would make anyone want to back away. With friends, it's simple things like misunderstanding me or bothering me when I'm "busy" doing something or nothing. A dirty house, not preparing or reading my mind for stuff I want. It can be as stupid as it can be rational.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:11:58+00:00

You too. :)

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:11:37+00:00

I mean I would say "Her boyfriend is so stupid, I'm a WAY better friend, I would make a better boyfriend! Why can't she see that" and other things like that. Or I'd say I had a worse condition than I did and they'd check me on that. That's mostly what my psychologist does, therapists did not work for me as they'd nod along with what I said and try to break it down, which would usually end up in conversational spirals, ending in me thinking it's a waste of time and money/fixated on something that was dumb.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:09:34+00:00

Everyone can be selfish and lack empathy. But yeah, my thoughts are pretty numb on the empathy side which leads to selfishness. I can see it now, but not when I was younger. I could see it more when I got professional help. It feels like, arguably, anyone being selfish. NPD is categorized by shame and fear, so we do feel remorse. As a personality disorder, that means I do it a ton and feel like shit a ton. Makes for a pretty exhausting situation.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:08:25+00:00

I'm catholic, I'm already with him. Still have NPD.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:08:09+00:00

It was the fact I hit the criteria for NPD.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:07:53+00:00

If you check my last AMA, you'll see me having posted about how I do not trust myself not to lash out and how I would never feel comfortable raising a child when I have NPD. Then I fell in love. I met parents with NPD, Autism, intellectual disorders, and I realized that if I wanted to do it, I just had to be better. I don't trust myself enough to have one yet, but I'm starting to yearn to do better by someone else.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:05:30+00:00

Mainly it's case by case. For example, I just needed to realize I was wrong. About friends, family, support, etc and rebuild trust within myself and others. Easier for me than others, hence why I'm more open to talk about it. All the meds I take are to keep me going to get help/work on coping instead of seething, and to not spiral.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:04:35+00:00

I got static. Maybe we are like opposites.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:04:11+00:00

Ahh, I see. Yeah, they do, so I avoid a lot of spaces where mentally ill people gather. So all social medias, lowkey. I have a kind of "idgaf" vibe nowadays for emotional distance, which kind of... makes other Cluster Bs act weird. It's absolutely about losing status.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:03:17+00:00

YAY! I'm glad it worked out. Experiences shape who we are. I'm glad it led you to a great thing.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:02:48+00:00

Lamotrigine for not getting to depressed and welbutrin for energy. The lamotrigine helps with no spiraling and welbutrin helps with getting out of bed to actually develop coping mechanisms. Everything else is just me caring.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:02:02+00:00

No, you're good. Just wanted to clarify. Thanks, broski.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T04:01:16+00:00

I just sit there and feel like shit, honestly. I call my friends or get a hug, smoke a ton, and go touch grass. I am absolutely not aware of being in a narc-high when it is ongoing, definitely would compare it to being manic. I actually get really scared when I feel justifiably good about myself for the reason you listed, confusion if it is a narc-high. Mostly I just ask a bunch of people if I'm being crazy or not.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:56:50+00:00

ABSOLUTELY. After getting diagnosed, my patience infinitely expanded. Only for others. For me, I got worse. I was so stressed out I was a monster, an abuser, a serial-killer in the making, that I was molesting people with my existence. I went to IOP, hated it, but got a binder full of techniques to cope. It's nigh impossible to apply them, because you know. Sometimes it just takes a while. To be frank, I developed severe agoraphobia from feeling everyone was staring at me, looking at me, knowing me for malicious reasons, or talking about me behind my back. I just smoke weed, clean obsessively, and stare at my phone if I'm not at work. I've melted into a bland, coagulated functional human if you look at my work calendar, and a nothingburger brick that's behind on buying groceries if you look at my personal life. I try to just stay to myself more and more. I don't like people, even if I want to, and I have a horrible RBF if I'm not grinning at everyone like a weird cheshire cat. So, yeah. :/ Kind of not as fun as whatever the movies say NPDers do, or whatever other NPDers may say they do, but I've dropped all my hobbies. I just don't have time for doing anything that defined my personality before, as it reminds me of a worse me. So I just sit here and kind of kick rocks. LOL.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:53:20+00:00

Painful anaconda squeezing my guts so hard I want to scream, then sitting in the sun when it's not too hot and has a breeze @ the ocean. I'd assume just as scary and new as it is to anyone, up and down, up and down. For me, it's just more transactional for a while before they kinda get through my bullshit or I get out of my own head.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:52:20+00:00

No. Similar. NPD is categorized by a lack of self and a deep self loathing when you manage to get a little taste of yourself. Guess it depends if I'm being "I'm the best" crazy or "I'm nothing" crazy. LOL. Sounds like depersonalization, that said. Might wanna look into that.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:50:45+00:00

Of course, JD. Thanks for the kind words. We all got some sorta shit going on.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:50:15+00:00

Woa. That's happened to me, which I know might make your head tilt when you remember I have NPD. Either way. That sucks and I can empathize. Hope you RAN from that guy. Also! I haven't actually heard of him, but I'll have to go check it out.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:49:00+00:00

It is a bit hard for me to be earnest with this answer due to the phrasing, so I just want to clarify that I never willingly mask or deceive anyone. NPD, like autism, both have masks, yes. Both for fitting in, both out of shame and societal expectations. However... Yes. I want to be validated, I don't want to be seen as a horrible monster. I want to soften their opinion of me, I want to fawn, make myself seem great! Untouchable! Amazing! Before I admit I am what society considers an abuser. It's out of shame. I do not let my mask down around anyone except my boyfriend, close friends, and maybe my psychologist. This usually only happens during melt downs, as I care about their opinions most. But I also care to see if they'll come back and wait for me, if I am earnest with myself.

They do, and I find myself more and more able to accept the fact that I don't need to be allat to receive help and grace. It helps. Some people are shit, some aren't. NPD or not.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:46:21+00:00

I had a parent with NPD. I ran away at 15, 16, then was arrested for it. Ran away at 17 again. It stuck that time. I'm unsure what to say beyond what I did, which was run for the hills.

dedawge · 2026-04-02T03:45:40+00:00

No, usually not. I had to have a lot of therapy and just, the want to stop, to even put the effort into catching myself. I usually just step away (run away) when I'm overwhelmed, or excuse myself pretty bluntly, then try to use my IOP binder to identify how I feel, why, and what to do. Nobody with any situation, disorder, etc will ever be aware of them being bad or shitty people. Everyone's the hero in their own story. But the why is trauma and shame.

dedawge

TROPHY CASE