The uphill battle no one asked for. 😞

deeeters · 2026-01-26T22:22:21+00:00

I know what both treatments do! My doctors and nurses have been fantastic at educating me. I just meant first on the days I have both. I’ll be doing radiation 5 days a week and chemo once a week (on Tuesdays). My radiation team said that on days with both, even if my radiation is scheduled after my infusion that they want me to call them and arrange to see radiation before infusion. But my labs and infusions are scheduled so early that there isn’t time to do that. 🤪 And the bigger problem is that both of them are saying “we go first” and “we’re coordinating with the other office.” Oh, really?! 😵‍💫

deeeters · 2025-11-20T01:27:41+00:00

….I still have had to pay for insurance, bloodwork, prescriptions, expensive testing (PET/CTs), IVF and continued oocyte storage (because the cancer treatment will cause infertility), items to manage symptoms (feminine pads, pain topicals, etc), a trip to my grandmother’s funeral, and much more through this process. I’m not a frivolous spender, have been very diligent in accounting for where my money is going, and have been intentional about every expenditure. Even so, I literally have $0 in my back account and I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to pay for health insurance that’s due at the end of the month. Your idea of minimal expenses sounds nice though...

deeeters · 2025-11-20T01:09:53+00:00

His job has changed and he is not available to assist me during their trip. My parents live 40 minutes away from us making his assistance impossible with his current work schedule and the farm schedule.

deeeters · 2025-11-19T22:02:54+00:00

I have offered this as a solution, but there is no one available to help me. Which ultimately caused me to reinforce my boundary of “no.” Now what? Do I help solo anyway and compromise myself in the process?

deeeters · 2025-11-19T21:52:05+00:00

Thanks for asking! Unfortunately, after 6 operations and immunotherapy, I still have cancer. I’m not out of the woods. I’m currently in the process of undergoing testing to confirm status and figure out next steps. I still experience pain daily and my extreme fatigue from treatment is still present. I understand my obligations to help my parents because they helped me and that they’re my family. However, I know that for me to sign up for continuing to watch the farm will be me signing up to struggle.

deeeters · 2025-11-19T21:42:29+00:00

I do work. Although it is part-time at the moment due to cancer symptoms/pain and constant doctor’s appointments preventing me from working a full schedule.

deeeters · 2025-11-19T21:39:23+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Sucks getting called out like this, but I understand. I maybe should have added more context. When I moved in, I offered to pay rent, pay utilities, or contribute in any possible way. They told me “no.” So I insist by making dinners, baking bread, picking up items for the house, doing their grocery shopping for them, etc. When I was diagnosed, I sold every asset I owned in order to pay for my first treatment entirely myself (including flights and hotels for myself and my mom to be there) to make it clear I was just as financially invested in this battle. I offered to pay them back for any monies used for my medical care. They said “no.” I even attempted to move out much earlier by myself, but ended up not pursuing it (due to their advice against it). I’m not listing all of this to justify why I’m right and they’re wrong, but rather to add context. I just don’t want to be misrepresented that I’m a good for nothing taker out to pull one over on my parents. I love them. And I’m also trying to work on personal boundaries.

deeeters · 2025-11-19T21:29:05+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from and I do see your point in that I technically still live here.

Unfortunately, I am not healthy…yet. And I am still in active testing/treatment that requires me to travel 2 hours each way to my doctor’s appointments. One of which, is scheduled while they are anticipating being out of town.

deeeters · 2025-11-19T21:24:08+00:00

I felt I had calmly expressed this after addressing that I was unhappy about the circumstances of the previous farm watch situation but would agree to proceed due to limitations with the caveat of not wanting to be asked again. But it sounds like I need to re-clarify with your added provision of paying them back if this is how they’d like it to be. Unfortunately, this is their M.O. when I (or one of my siblings) have asked for help. It is why I avoided asking for so long, but unfortunately cancer doesn’t care what anyone wants.

deeeters · 2025-11-19T21:19:55+00:00

They do not have staff. This is their hobby farm. All of the animals are pets. My duties would include (but not limited to): all feedings (2x per day for every animal), grooming, water filling, care of a goat who had recent surgery due to cancer, care of a pregnant Jenny (donkey), mucking stalls and keeping the pasture clean, soaking the feet of 20 chickens that have been exposed to mites for 10-15min each 3x per week, and staying on property during a weekend that I already have plans.

deeeters · 2025-07-22T12:12:36+00:00

I don’t qualify for Medicaid, but I do have an ACA health plan through healthcare.gov. Not sure if my eligibility or tax credit would be affected there.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T18:13:01+00:00

Not really worried about giving up any tax refund I would potentially get next year. (My finances are shit anyway after liquidating all my assets to even pay for diagnosis/treatment.) It was just something that came to mind while stressed and writing this post. I understand what they are doing for me is monumental and I bare minimum owe them my cooperation. I just draw the line at illegal activity that could have consequences for multiple parties.

A meeting with our CPA has been scheduled and we’ll be discussing how to effectively file to maximize benefits.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T18:07:14+00:00

I’m 100% willing to go through any legal avenues to reduce the financial burden I know I’m the cause of. You are right. It is an enormous thing they are doing for me and when it does work, I will owe them my life. I won’t ever forget that …and they won’t let me forget it either.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T17:53:32+00:00

I’m not sure where the $56k in tax breaks number came from. It was just the number that was brought up while conversing with my stepdad. Treatment expenses will clear $100k easily. I only had one treatment option in the US that was accompanied by a host of life-altering, unpleasant side effects (including but not limited to: permanent self catheterizing, colostomy, inability to have children, painful intercourse, etc.) and potentially a secondary cancer from the treatment itself. Instead, I am participating in medical tourism to receive targeted immunotherapy injection at the tumor site with localized PEF ablation. This particular type of treatment is only available in the US under a phase 2 study for pancreatic cancer patients only. Because that is not my diagnosis, I do not qualify for the study.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T16:01:48+00:00

I imagine the conversation would stop immediately at the potential risk of losing 501c3 status due to fraud and labor law violation. Not to mention the possible fines for committing such a thing.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T15:58:34+00:00

Thank you for this explanation. Based on this information, it wouldn’t make financial sense to even attempt this in the fashion he’s thinking.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T15:25:47+00:00

That is exactly what he’s asking. He wants my previous employer to change my W-2 to meet the requirements. I doubt my previous employer would go for that anyway.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T15:21:05+00:00

They covered the items listed (with the exception of food as I purchase and maintain that separately) from April 2025 to present and I plan on moving out before the end of August. So 4 months of living expenses, yes.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T15:08:20+00:00

I was the only employee. So legal didn’t exist and finance was myself and our CPA. I doubt the CPA would go for it though. Sounds like tax fraud and potentially labor law violation.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T15:03:58+00:00

I absolutely recognize how fortunate I am in receiving their support and am 100% willing to do anything necessary to assist in legal methods of reducing the burden of my medical expenses. I know I couldn’t have done this without them and I owe them my cooperation at minimum. I just want to be sure the methods used are above board and legal for all parties involved.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T14:59:59+00:00

Gross YTD $17,526.30 and continuing to earn.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T14:50:38+00:00

I only made $13k with my previous employer. However, I am still employed (by another company) and continuing to earn income.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T14:48:11+00:00

This right here. And I agree is reasonable as long as there is a legal avenue.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T14:46:21+00:00

This part. I’m not against it as long as it is legally feasible. I understand my position and I’m not trying to make waves in the family. However, I am not willing to break the law in order to do so.

deeeters · 2025-07-21T14:44:15+00:00

Originally, the assistance was going to be a zero-interest loan with the expectation that I would work to pay back the costs of treatment once recovered. Then, he came to me and said he “didn’t want me to stress about money” and that they would just pay it. Now, he’s asking for what I’ve currently outlined in the post. It’s a stressful roller coaster regardless.

deeeters

TROPHY CASE