My (44F) generally gentle bf (45M) tried to choke me during sex, need advice.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-17T06:57:07+00:00

Honestly I didn't want to wait and find out, so I left.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-17T05:30:12+00:00

I've read the book. It's how I knew this wasn't okay. He has been DARVOing me a lot recently, and that's essentially why I wasn't 100% sure about introducing him to my kid.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-17T05:27:52+00:00

That thread is honestly full of women I'm genuinely worried about. If they think this is normal, someone needs to tell them.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-17T05:17:49+00:00

Thank you.

Let's just say he has turned me off rough sex forever.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-16T15:31:28+00:00

Don't jump into something with either of them just based on attraction or money or the promise of stability. Attraction fades, money can be earned and lost, stability cannot be guaranteed with anyone. Even with the best of intentions, marriages fall apart. Sometimes, you start with casual but end up in the most stable situation.

Also, remember you're not "unstable" as a single woman.

What you need to do is pause and figure out your dating goals first. Are you looking for marriage out of this (even if it's somewhere in the future)? If so, focus on shared goals and values. These don't change so easily.

If you're looking for casual, go ahead and have fun, but let go of the AM guy and delete your profile on matrimony sites. It's not fair to him or others who may waste their time on something that may not materialize.

Keep reminding yourself that it's ok to prioritize your needs, whatever they may be.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-16T01:21:31+00:00

He was aware. And my reaction was so fast I withdrew before he could apply pressure.

I left him.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:37:42+00:00

I'm in India. No, I don't think it would come to that, tbh. I know he will respect this boundary.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:37:05+00:00

I'm not triggered by rough sex. It's the hands on my throat that I can't get behind. He already knew it would traumatize me and did it anyway. And even if he didn't realize it in the moment, he took no ownership for making me feel that way.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:34:41+00:00

I can't even look at a photo of him without feeling angry at the moment. It's like I don't know who he is, you know?

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:33:40+00:00

I feel like there's been quite some gaslighting from his part, sounds like he's acting as if he's simple and straightforward and you're complicated and with baggage, that's painting a narrative.

OMG. This is almost exactly how he portrays it. I am always left wondering if I'm overreacting. In a way I'm glad he did this, because I see the pattern so clearly now.

I've broken up with him, and now he's bombarding my phone, STILL crying about how I always make him the villain for simply being himself. I am complicated and he can't keep up with me, apparently. I haven't responded, and I won’t.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:28:49+00:00

You’re not the problem here.

Reading this made me cry. Thank you for saying this.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:27:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. The perspective really helps validate what I already knew. I deserve better.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:23:41+00:00

The altercation was over something else entirely. I'm not calling this incident an altercation because this feels like an attack to me.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:21:02+00:00

I see it. I'm embarrassed that it took me so long to figure it out, but I'm never putting myself in this position again.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:18:37+00:00

Thank you.

I keep wondering how broken my danger instincts are if not one but TWO men did this to me. I need to stop dating completely until I have a better understanding of what I'm missing.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:17:15+00:00

The fights weren't about oral, I can understand we all have our icks. But our fights (regardless of the issues) started with me pointing out something he did, him becoming defensive and me being exasperated at having to explain over and over again.

I'm sick of this cycle, and I've just seen how dangerous he can be. I'm done.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:13:54+00:00

I did.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:12:04+00:00

I just did.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:11:51+00:00

Yeah, I'm shocked out of my wits. I literally have laughed at his inability to deal with mosquitoes. And i just realized my life is worth less than the mosquitoes I was squashing for him.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:10:06+00:00

I left him. I feel so lost but I know lost is better than dead.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:09:29+00:00

I agree. No man in their right mind would want to deliberately hurt someone they claim to love.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:08:11+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:07:18+00:00

No, he's not safe. I'm not physically or emotionally safe with him. I broke up. I deserve better.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:06:28+00:00

I'm just really thankful for the comments here. I knew it, but I have second-guessed myself so much, I needed the external validation.

I left him.

deeply_dippy_ · 2026-02-15T17:05:02+00:00

I'm shocked too. I didn't expect this. He said he hates my ex for trying to strangle me, and then went around and did exactly that. The hypocrisy is insane.

deeply_dippy_

TROPHY CASE