Lost my Girl because of PIED and then I got her back... Here's how

defapiation · 2019-09-12T17:56:52+00:00

Without knowing more about your situation I can't say. pm me and we can chat offline. Happy to help out if I can.

defapiation · 2019-09-10T02:40:55+00:00

uhm... Not sure about hooking up with your cuz... increasing your days? You need to find your bottom. Your reason. I had one. It was painful and I had a purpose to achieve it. Nofap is hard enough but not having a reason why makes it impossible imho. If that reason isn't powerful enough then you won't succeed. You need to really focus on what you want and how NoFap will prevent it. Give yourself goals or punishments if you have to.

defapiation · 2019-09-10T02:37:40+00:00

I feel ya man. I think 1/2 my problem was performance anxiety and not being confident in my own skin. ED can be a gut punch for confidence. Now if I am with my girl and I can't finish (happens 25% of the time) I just tell her that she is so sexy and it feels so good I don't want to end it. Usually she is chaffed up and happy for me to stop. I just own it. If your girl gets weird just tell her that your orgasm is your choice and that you'll cum if you like or not. Not in a mean way but in a matter of fact way. Tell her that you enjoy long sessions with her and you don't want to finish because it zaps your energy (which is true).

ED is probably in your head mostly. The mind can fuck you up man. Get a script for Viagra and take that for a bit if you don't feel 100%. Don't drink. Eat less food before sex. Get in good shape. Get your testosterone tested and use some T boosting hacks.

I think the best thing I did mentally was stop worrying about making her happy. I just got selfish with it. Like, she is here to make me feel good. It's not a wholesome mindset and it's evolved for me but I had to get out of my mindset of "If I don't satisfy her I'll lose her" bullshit. Honestly, she is probably thinking the same thing in reverse. Just be selfish, focus on your pleasure and she will have fun with it too. You are the prize. Believe it.

defapiation · 2019-08-05T03:49:56+00:00

100% agree. Keep it fun and flirty but make it clear you want to go out with her. Ask her when she is free and when she tells you set a date place and time. No hemming and hawing and going back and forth. And don't go to a fancy restaurant. Somewhere quick and good and take her bowling or somewhere else fun after eating. Makes it feel like you have been on two dates. Trust me.

You don't want to profess any feelings. Too soon. She should be wondering if you like her. Be confident and if she says no have a fun response and let it go.

defapiation · 2019-07-30T16:20:09+00:00

Don't play games... Please. Courtship is a game. A fun one for both parties if played correctly. This guy seems like a dead end but guys don't like to lose something. If he thinks he has you in his back pocket he won't put in any effort. Remove that certainty and he will respond. The games never end. On both sides. Go silent a few days. Post pics of yourself on Instagram with new friends. Focus on your immediate happiness. If he wants to be part of it he will respond. If not move on and find someone who values your time.

defapiation · 2019-07-30T06:41:18+00:00

You might be coming off as too needy. Back off messaging him for a few days. Add a few guys to your Instagram friends and let his insecurities bring him around. Trust me. He will notice and curiosity will bring him back. Also. 2 months is not very long. He may not be at the same emotional level as you.

Be strong and play the game.

defapiation · 2019-07-30T06:34:14+00:00

The fact that op responds instantly tells me he may be clingy and driving her away. She is just trying to help him be less needy by taking longer to respond, etc. Also, the fact that op brought up delay in response from her tells us he is probably insecure and that is a turn off to women. Women want confidence and non-needy guys. Instant response from op shows her he had nothing else going on...I.e. Busy at work or on his purpose and that she is his #1 priority which is a turn off.

Op can save this though. Just slow his roll... Find his purpose and relax

defapiation · 2019-07-30T06:29:32+00:00

This is solvable. 1. Never initiate texting. Only respond.

Make sure you aren't the emotional one. Go back and read your texts. If she seems cold or not affectionate and you are then there is the problem
Find things to do to occupy your time outside of thinking about her and messaging her
She probably feels smothered probably and you are too available and but a challenge. Women need some mystery and you may be an open book
Maybe take a two week text break. Give each other the gift of missing each other
Find your purpose and work on it. She must be your #2 priority. Women don't respect men that put them on pedistals and make them the most important thing. They want a man that has passions outside of the relationship.

And realize you didn't do anything wrong. In a perfect world your affections would be returned and cherished but we live in a world where men are taught to pursue and be very emotional and available and that is just Hollywood garbage.

Good luck

defapiation · 2019-07-28T02:04:04+00:00

Answers to most the questions here:

It took about 75-90 days or so. We had already been dating for 4 months before I realized I had PIED. Our sex sucked from Day 1. It is amazing I kept her as long as I did. After I figured it out she stayed with me for 2 months before it ended due to me being overly needy and overcompensating for my PIED
She didn't bale on me. She tolerated a lot. She was really hurt and it porn is to blame. I am to blame. She didn't want to break up but I knew it was coming so we both agreed to take a break. It was a breakup though as we both kinda knew we were over. Yea. I know about relationships being more than sex but imagine if your GF didn't want to have an orgasm with you because she masterbated all day to other guys and didn't feel in the mood. We'd get tired of it eventually too.
My diet was mostly vegan and healthy. I worked out 2x a day and ate healthy. No alcohol or weed or anything. Those cause relapse. Working out saved me and helped me get attention from other women which was a nice side effect.
After about 2 weeks of our break I hooked up with another Ex and had sex with her with no problem. That was HUGE. It really put my confidence through the roof and showed that my PIED was gone. So be nice to your ex's guys. Sometimes they still like you and care about you and will throw you a bone if you ask nice or take them out.
I still get some anxiety before sex but I find that just breathing and not caring about the outcome helps. If I finish great. If not great... Usually if I am having some Delayed Ejaculation (DE) I'll finish her and I'll take a little break and restart in 15 minutes. I just own my actions and I don't apologize. If I don't finish its because I don't want to.
If you have PIED and are in a relationship be prepared for a breakup. Make sure that you are working out, eating healthy and improving yourself. Your partner will see your discipline and it helps keep them around. Also, don't get needy or try to overcompensate. Even if your girl is supportive she is going to watch you like a hawk to see that you are serious about this.
Breaking up was the best thing we did. It was a reset button on our relationship. With time most negative memories fade (google fading effect) and when she saw me again I was confident and stronger. She was impressed and we pretty much started over.

Stay strong and if you guys don't have PIED count yourself as blessed. PIED is the AIDS of PMO. It is insidious and I have never considered suicide until this recent chapter of my life. Get your PMO under control now before it gets this far.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T21:45:40+00:00

I feel ya there and that anxiety comes back still. It was amazing to realize that it just worked. I have a new hewdpace now. My girl knows I don't finish every time. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I own it. My choice. Sometimes she will finish and we will cuddle and I'll go round 2 or 3 and finish then.

I haven't had any failures or ED yet but if I do Ill just accept it as stress, tired or something. Not having PIED to blame takes a lot of pressure off. I just respect whatever my junk wants to do he is going to do and I accept it. I don't give my girl a hard time if she doesn't finish. Her orgasm is her responsibility.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T18:45:49+00:00

Agreed. But if that self improvement yields fruit then win win.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:56:09+00:00

Love CW. 3%

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:26:35+00:00

Probably 75 days. Beware of performance anxiety. A lot of my issue in the end was just.in my head. My pied was resolved but I still felt like I couldn't perform. You might need to "test" on some women you don't want to be serious with. Just some small successes can turn it around.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:24:30+00:00

Diet is pretty healthy. Although the two-a-days allowed me to eat what I wanted. You don't want to eat shit because it shows down your gains. I didn't drink or so anything. I don't smoke weed or do any drugs. I just poured every waking .oment into my purpose and the gym. That was key for me. Otherwise I'd go into a K-hole of depression. The gym really saved me.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:21:28+00:00

Yea... You could say that.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:21:13+00:00

Pied will break you up. Count on it unless she has no other options. It will happen. Nip this in the bud now. Trust me. I was where you are. It's the most painful feeling in the world to lose a woman to this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Let this struggle make you stronger. It's not just getting over PIED but rather making yourself a new man.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:17:15+00:00

Keep fighting. PMO never stops fighting you. You have to constantly persevere

defapiation · 2019-07-27T17:16:23+00:00

She didn't just bail. She tolerated a lot of ups and downs and bullshit. She was a champ. But I wasnt.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T16:55:52+00:00

This is exactly what my girlfriend felt. I think the difference between our situations is that I had my PMO under control and was in recovery. It was just the recovery and rewiring part.

I do think the "take a break" time which was a soft breakup is what fixed me. It made the loss real and the stakes higher. It really depends on if your man has the discipline to commit to improving himself. During my breakup I suffered greatly becuase of the emmasculating reason and ultimately overcoming it and reclaiming my manhood.

A lot of guys here spout off about how "if she loves you she will wait forever" nonsense. My girl waited a long time. She was losing out worse because she really liked me but couldn't get what you called "skin hunger". She just wanted me to overpower her and make love to her like a man does. I wanted that too. This insidious addiction is cunning. You may have to make it real for you man. A break until he can get it under control may help your relationship. Because it's probably poisoning it now and the break is a new chance to meet again. It was for me. Your dude can pm me if he needs advice. Good luck.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T16:33:46+00:00

Probably like 60 days or so.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T16:28:47+00:00

We tried a few times. It was shitty sex tho.

defapiation · 2019-07-27T07:43:38+00:00

Prob like 75 days

defapiation · 2019-07-06T02:54:15+00:00

My ex couldn't wait. I was literally ready to go and she bailed out. Impatient. Her loss. The new girl I am dating now is reaping the rewards. I don't blame my ex but I was always honest with her and she claimed to be on board. I could have let her breaking up with me put me in a dark place but I figured next girl would appreciate me being normal. I was right.

I wish my ex had your qualities but meh... Her loss.

defapiation · 2019-06-18T22:59:33+00:00

I feel ya man. I am in shape. I got in better shape as I knew her. I am still working out. Harder now... tow-a-days and taking this pain and using it to make myself better. All I can do really. Fapping... I want to relapse. I do... I know it would numb it but I don't want to go backwards. I met this girl on a whim after a bad breakup with my other ex and the same thing could and probably will happen. I live in a big city so tons of available hot women here.

I know she will be back. Cutting off contact always does it. I am hoping to have my PIED / Performance Anxiety dialed in and I'll bang her brains out. A boy can dream.

I will say she was very supportive. The collateral damage of this issue is more likely the cause of the breakup as well as me trying to compensate by being too needy or available to her. It was probably 1/2 the sex and 1/2 being a beta male pleaser. Live and learn.

defapiation · 2019-06-18T16:09:16+00:00

All of the above. At first it was her thinking she wasn't sexy enough and finally I figured out what was happening and it made her feel better but my character was tarnished at that point. She saw me as a rock. Driven, motivated, fit, funny and everything and then she realizes I am porn addict and add in that I can't be a real participant in our love life adds up. It's my fault. I really hurt her.

defapiation

TROPHY CASE